Gaeta Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 I hate when men talk about massages early on before meeting or after just 1 date. It's not flirting, it's checking your sexual boundaries and if you're open to sex talk or going straight to bed. I personally don't take it. If a man mentioned needing a massage I'd dropped him but that's me, I had zero tolerance for sex innuendos before being intimate. Not sure this is the man you should spend your thoughts on. 1
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 This is the first guy I actually liked in more than 7 months and he is slowly "fading" on me. He hadn't asked me out again and our conversations aren't as interesting. He takes an hour or more to get back to me. I don't know what I did wrong. I really hate this. I am being myself and Im being sincere and honest but for some reason he just lost interest.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 This is the first guy I actually liked in more than 7 months and he is slowly "fading" on me. He hadn't asked me out again and our conversations aren't as interesting. He takes an hour or more to get back to me. I don't know what I did wrong. I really hate this. I am being myself and Im being sincere and honest but for some reason he just lost interest. Reality check, OP: many people are not glued to their phones. An hour is nothing. I go several hours without even looking at my phone when I get busy, especially at work. I certainly don't use texting to keep up a prolonged conversation, either. I use it to touch base or confirm plans, not chit-chat. Perhaps your guy is the same, and not really interested in small talk all day. Are you really that anxious over a sixty-minute response time? I think you need to take a step back and ask yourself if you're being a tad needy. How often do you speak? And see each other? He might just need some healthy space.
smudge21 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 I agree an hour isn't much, but I also get that you notice the change when someone starts to back off. You can get so used to loads of contact and the moment it drops off, you notice, start to overthink which leads to panic and worry. Unless you have any other reason to worry, I would just let this play out. People have good and bad days and sometimes need some me time. If it becomes too much then you can always just ask, but of course, that too can be awkward especially when you're overthinking so much. Have you let him lead all the time? Maybe he's expecting more from you. Maybe he's thinking you've gone quiet too. 1
Toodaloo Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 This is the first guy I actually liked in more than 7 months and he is slowly "fading" on me. He hadn't asked me out again and our conversations aren't as interesting. He takes an hour or more to get back to me. Let him fade. Go and get busy doing other things so you don't think about him I don't know what I did wrong. In all honesty - probably nothing. Don't stress about it I really hate this. I am being myself and Im being sincere and honest but for some reason he just lost interest. Because he is not the one for you. The one for you will stay interested. Let this one slide and free yourself up to meet the one that sticks around. 7
salparadise Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Have you let him lead all the time? Maybe he's expecting more from you. Maybe he's thinking you've gone quiet too. Yea, what I see underlying this is OP's expectation that the guy should remain in hot pursuit mode indefinitely. That's probably not realistic after seven months. At some point she needs to reciprocate on an equal basis, imho. I am with my gf now almost entirely because she was reciprocal from day one. It's also possible that his interest has waned some over time, or that it has evolved into situation where he is still enthusiastic but feels less urgency and has backed off on the pursuit behaviors. I think you just need to look at it as a 50/50 deal and make sure you're holding up your end. If you're doing that and he is still losing interest you could try changing something to rekindle it, accept that new relationship intensity can't be maintained forever, or be prepared to let him go if he really doesn't value the relationship or have the degree of dedication necessary to sustain it. The dating life is not easy. Not every prospective partner is going to work out; not every new relationship is going to go the distance. For that to happen I think both partners need to be all in, men definitely need to feel some good stuff coming back to them as well. At some point it becomes a person to person thing rather than a man/woman thing with certain kinds of role expectations. 2
smudge21 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Salparadise is spot on - it should be equal, as close to 50/50 as possible. Yes, in the early days there's always one chasing the other, but the chaser has to receive some acknowledgement for their actions. If the other person is just sat back, not making the effort, then it's bound to fade at some point. I know my recent "crush" is fading, as am I, and it is totally down to her. I've done most, if not all, of the work and I don't feel she's really reciprocated anything. Okay, she's been available and we've spent lots of time together, but it's always been me who has to suggest and plan this. Also, even though she (and even the OP) may initiate some texts... they are only texts. I know for me personally, I do need to back off and see if she comes to me. Maybe this guy the OP is on about feels the same way. It's sad too, as I've seen others go through the same thing and often it leads to two people who seem perfect for each other just fading apart, not because they didn't want each other, but because one half didn't make the effort. I've seen that same person all upset and crying (as often we only realise what we've got once it's gone) wishing they'd done more, but they had the chance, and for whatever reason (shyness, unsure, playing games) they let that person fade. One thing I will say too is that I can look back at my crush and I fully know I did everything I could to make this happen; I have no regrets in that area. It was her who simply didn't want it (or was too unsure to take it any further). OP, if you can say the same, that you have done all the right things and have no regrets on your side, then it is just down to him and therefore you can only sit back and see what happens. Sadly when someone fades out of your life, stops showing interest, then letting them go is often the only way as chasing someone who doesn't want to be chased is the worse thing you can do. 2
Zippy2000 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Yea, what I see underlying this is OP's expectation that the guy should remain in hot pursuit mode indefinitely. That's probably not realistic after seven months. At some point she needs to reciprocate on an equal basis, imho. I am with my gf now almost entirely because she was reciprocal from day one. I like this answer. That said seven months is a long time. The post isnt clear. How often have you seen the guy? Do you ask question in your text? Have you given him a green light or anything else to show your interest? People dont just lose interest. They move on when they find things arent clear nor going anywhere.
Erdbeere Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 This is the first guy I actually liked in more than 7 months and he is slowly "fading" on me. He hadn't asked me out again and our conversations aren't as interesting. He takes an hour or more to get back to me. I don't know what I did wrong. I really hate this. I am being myself and Im being sincere and honest but for some reason he just lost interest. Nothing meaningful comes from exchanging text messages. Nothing meaningful comes from obsessing over the frequency of text messages. Nothing meaningful will grow between 2 people who all day, every day have contact.
Redhead14 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 This is the first guy I actually liked in more than 7 months and he is slowly "fading" on me. He hadn't asked me out again and our conversations aren't as interesting. He takes an hour or more to get back to me. I don't know what I did wrong. I really hate this. I am being myself and Im being sincere and honest but for some reason he just lost interest. How many dates have you had with him?
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Yea, what I see underlying this is OP's expectation that the guy should remain in hot pursuit mode indefinitely. That's probably not realistic after seven months. She meant it's been 7 months since she liked a guy that much. Her and him only had 1 date.
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 This is the first guy I actually liked in more than 7 months and he is slowly "fading" on me. He hadn't asked me out again and our conversations aren't as interesting. He takes an hour or more to get back to me. I don't know what I did wrong. I really hate this. I am being myself and Im being sincere and honest but for some reason he just lost interest. Honey, this happens all the time. It's what dating is about. Men will flake and fade till one sticks around. That is why you cannot invest your feelings in someone you've met once only. You and him only had 1 date. There is no reason for you to feel this beat up over it. Yes, chances are you scared him away when you asked him if he was taking you seriously after this ONE date. You need to let someone get to know you before they start liking you. Don't do that again. Just go on 3-4 dates THEN you can tell the guy you like him and would like to date exclusively. 1
CarrieT Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 I don't know what I did wrong. What you did wrong was get too invested in someone that you spoke with for two months before meeting. And - by your own account - the first date you've been one in seven months. I really hate this. I am being myself and Im being sincere and honest but for some reason he just lost interest. It doesn't matter that you are being yourself and being honest. Not every guy you show interest in is going to reciprocate. That is why online dating is a numbers game and you have to keep communicating with others and not putting your eggs in one basket. Look, I have totally been there. I did online dating for four years; hundreds of convos and more than fifty "first dates," so I know exactly what you are going through. Stop believing there is something wrong with you. It has to do more with finding a connection with someone and that takes work and meeting LOTS of people. Stop reading into texting timelines and take a deep breath. Slow down. You've only seen this guy once and this really has only been a few days in the making... 3
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 Guys thanks for your response.Especially Gaeta and Carrie T. I guess I had high hopes for this one but yes, online dating is really a number's game. I guess he is just exceptionally busy. If he doesn't initiate contact I'll just chalk this one to a loss.
Erdbeere Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Guys thanks for your response.Especially Gaeta and Carrie T. I guess I had high hopes for this one but yes, online dating is really a number's game. I guess he is just exceptionally busy. If he doesn't initiate contact I'll just chalk this one to a loss. I think people who are so passive in their relationships get what they deserve in this regard. You're so willing to give up on him, and so willing to sit back and expect him to get in touch, that I think it's better for both parties that it ends, because you aren't ready to be someone's partner.
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Guys thanks for your response.Especially Gaeta and Carrie T. I guess I had high hopes for this one but yes, online dating is really a number's game. I guess he is just exceptionally busy. If he doesn't initiate contact I'll just chalk this one to a loss. There is no such a thing as being too busy. This man is not responsible for millions of people's safety, I am sure even Obama 'takes time' to text Michelle and I am sure he's more busy than your guy. 5
Gaeta Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 I think people who are so passive in their relationships get what they deserve in this regard. You're so willing to give up on him, and so willing to sit back and expect him to get in touch, that I think it's better for both parties that it ends, because you aren't ready to be someone's partner. Her last thread will situate you. She is not giving up on their relationship. They don't have a relationship, they met once and after they met he started fading. It's what people do when they are not interested.
jen1447 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Let him fade. Go and get busy doing other things so you don't think about him In all honesty - probably nothing. Don't stress about it Because he is not the one for you. The one for you will stay interested. Let this one slide and free yourself up to meet the one that sticks around. All of this. Nothing meaningful comes from exchanging text messages. Nothing meaningful comes from obsessing over the frequency of text messages. Nothing meaningful will grow between 2 people who all day, every day have contact. You're one of my favorite new posters Erdbeere but I disagree w/most of this. (And you've said it before. ) This probably isn't the thread to get into it tho.
truth_seeker Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 This is the first guy I actually liked in more than 7 months and he is slowly "fading" on me. He hadn't asked me out again and our conversations aren't as interesting. He takes an hour or more to get back to me. I don't know what I did wrong. I really hate this. I am being myself and Im being sincere and honest but for some reason he just lost interest. He either lost interest or found someone else.
SSJROMANCE Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 It IS possible that he lost interest in you. Nothing you can do about it. Don't change who you are because of him. If it isn't meant to be then let him go.
candie13 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 interested men act interested. Focus on getting another date and chatting with other men. 3
candie13 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 I think people who are so passive in their relationships get what they deserve in this regard. You're so willing to give up on him, and so willing to sit back and expect him to get in touch, that I think it's better for both parties that it ends, because you aren't ready to be someone's partner. so he's barely responding to her text and not initiating conversation or asking her out again yet she's "not ready to be someone's partner"? She doesn't want to do a man's work, that is for sure. OP, grin and bare it. When you meet a man who's equally interested in you just as you are interested in him, you'll not just feel it, but see it, that that feeling... that feeling is amazing, it's really worth all the wait and hassle
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 so he's barely responding to her text and not initiating conversation or asking her out again yet she's "not ready to be someone's partner"? She doesn't want to do a man's work, that is for sure. OP, grin and bare it. When you meet a man who's equally interested in you just as you are interested in him, you'll not just feel it, but see it, that that feeling... that feeling is amazing, it's really worth all the wait and hassle No, he hasn't initiated. Its already been a week. These last two days has been mostly me saying hi and then our conversation just die off on his side. I dont want to chase anymore. 1
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