Jadedbyluv Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Last year, a guy I was dating ended things with me out of the blue. He did say later that he was scared and didn't think he could give me what I wanted. To me, things were really great and I was starting to fall for him so naturally I was a bit heartbroken. It was the first time in years I had really felt that for someone. Since that happened last summer, we've still remained friends and have hung out on occasion. Around the holidays, we've started talking to each other more and seeing each other more again. Over the last few weeks, my feelings for him have slowly redeveloped. The problem is that I don't know what it is we are doing. I don't know what "this" is, and I'm honestly too afraid to ask because I don't want to get hurt again. I am stuck in this limbo not knowing if this is something or absolutely nothing. I don't know what to do. Do I stay? Do I go? Do I tell him how I really feel and put it all on the line?
Ami1uwant Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Why exactly dud he end it with you??? What has changed on his part that this would be different this time around? 1
90s kid Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 (edited) Last year, a guy I was dating ended things with me out of the blue. He did say later that he was scared and didn't think he could give me what I wanted. To me, things were really great and I was starting to fall for him so naturally I was a bit heartbroken. It was the first time in years I had really felt that for someone. Since that happened last summer, we've still remained friends and have hung out on occasion. Around the holidays, we've started talking to each other more and seeing each other more again. Over the last few weeks, my feelings for him have slowly redeveloped. The problem is that I don't know what it is we are doing. I don't know what "this" is, and I'm honestly too afraid to ask because I don't want to get hurt again. I am stuck in this limbo not knowing if this is something or absolutely nothing. I don't know what to do. Do I stay? Do I go? Do I tell him how I really feel and put it all on the line? I think the reason you're so afraid to ask him such a simple question is because you already know the answer. You’re keeping yourself in the dark because you’re afraid of hearing the truth. But if you continue to develop feelings for him without knowing what he’s feeling, you may be setting yourself up for a fall. Have a frank conversation with him asap. Otherwise, you'll end up falling for him and potentially end up brokenhearted all over again. Did you ever ask him what he meant when he said that he couldn't give you what you wanted? Ask him what, if anything, has changed since he told you that. Has he worked through whatever caused him to pull away in the first place? If he can't give you a straight answer, leave. I'm afraid he might be playing you by getting back in your good graces, without offering you any answers or commitment whatsoever. Edited February 9, 2016 by 90s kid 3
Zippy2000 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Last year, a guy I was dating ended things with me out of the blue. He did say later that he was scared and didn't think he could give me what I wanted. Thats shows to me he cant give you want you want and that is LOVE. Hes already made that clear. You are just a friend and leave it at that. "Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice shame on me". I wouldnt go there if a person has told you that from the beginning. At least he was being honest and respectful. Let him come to you. If he wants more thats up to him, not you, 3
soph-walker Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 For your peace of mind, I would speak to him about this and sooner rather than later.
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Stop wasting your time wondering....you are letting him have his cake and eat it too. IMO you are just an option, and he probably has other options. Let's face it he doesn't have those feelings for you. 2
preraph Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Guys who say they aren't good enough for you or can't give you what they want and then linger are simply removing all their obligation to act responsibly with you. He's already told you he can't be the guy and you've been forewarned and now he's hanging around seeing what he can get without one iota of effort or commitment. Run his butt off before he runs all your other male options off, which he may already have done. If a guy tells you he's not enough -- he is not enough and doesn't really want to be. 3
Author Jadedbyluv Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 I think the reason you're so afraid to ask him such a simple question is because you already know the answer. You’re keeping yourself in the dark because you’re afraid of hearing the truth. But if you continue to develop feelings for him without knowing what he’s feeling, you may be setting yourself up for a fall. Have a frank conversation with him asap. Otherwise, you'll end up falling for him and potentially end up brokenhearted all over again. Did you ever ask him what he meant when he said that he couldn't give you what you wanted? Ask him what, if anything, has changed since he told you that. Has he worked through whatever caused him to pull away in the first place? If he can't give you a straight answer, leave. I'm afraid he might be playing you by getting back in your good graces, without offering you any answers or commitment whatsoever. Exactly. I definitely already knew the answer. I did finally talk to him tonight. Went exactly as I expected. He can't give me what I am looking for. Yet, he told me that he necessarily doesn't want things to end. I told him that I was sorry that his last relationship is preventing him from having anything meaningful with someone else. I know that's a large part of why he can't commit. He told me again tonight he doesn't deserve love, and he's not worthy. I know right now this sucks. It sucks terribly but I have to do it for myself and my own happiness.
Arieswoman Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 jadedbyluv, You've had your answer. He's told you he can't give you what you want - believe him. Why he can't isn't your problem. "Yet, he told me that he necessarily doesn't want things to end" You bet he doesn't. He wants you around as a security blanket while he looks for something better. Don't you deserve better than this? Try this book - "Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl" by Natalie Lue. HTH
Author Jadedbyluv Posted February 11, 2016 Author Posted February 11, 2016 "Yet, he told me that he necessarily doesn't want things to end" You bet he doesn't. He wants you around as a security blanket while he looks for something better. Don't you deserve better than this? HTH I do deserve better than that. It sucks to think that's all I really was but it is the truth and I let it go on for way longer than needed.
smudge21 Posted February 11, 2016 Posted February 11, 2016 A lot of people get treated badly because they let themselves be treated badly. We all know how hard it can be to walk away from someone you love (which you do) but you know what the alternative is. Whether he's being honest or just keeping you sweet, you know this won't end the way you want it to. We've all hung on to people who we should've walked away from. It won't be easy. I remember a line from here ages ago: when a door closes a window opens, but we often remain looking at the door and fail to notice the open window. 2
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