WaitingForBardot Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 It's not risky at all anymore with services out there like Google Voice that let you change your number easily. I just give out my GV number until I've gotten to know the person better. ... I realize there are ways to mitigate the risk, which BTW is grossly exaggerated. I was responding to a specific point that somehow taking someones phone number places you at risk, which I totally disagree with to put it mildly.
Author 90s kid Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 OP, being an introvert is a character trait not an excuse, unless you make it so. If you want to get to meet people, you cannot stay home because you're an introvert yet expect to meet new, high quality people. Meeting new people is a process. It a long, uncomfortable process for both introverts and extroverts, because it takes people out of their comfort zone. The more you lead this process, the more you get to know about the men you meet, the more you are in charge, the better it is for you, because it means you can protect yourself. Information is power, especially in dating. I feel that you find dating an anxiety filled process and your way of managing this anxiety is to put all of your hopes in strangers approaching you in the street, thus projecting your expectations on them. Helloooo, those men approach 5 or 10 women per day at least. You think you're the only one? How many does that make a week? A month? Is that your solution to your dating life, those men approaching you and 30 others per week? They are your answer to your dating life, because you're an introvert? I was not trying to be condescending, I was being irritated. Strangers in the street approaching you is easy. It is not meant to be easy. It is meant to be hard, you are meant to struggle, because it means you are going out of your comfort zone. Knowing is always better than not knowing. If you prefer to put all of your time and money on men in the street as sole source of interacting with new people... well... good luck with that ! I see what you're saying although your delivery is a little harsh. I do try to socialize. However, even in these situations I typically wait for men to express interest first. Maybe I'm a traditionalist, but I feel like it's my job to make myself approachable and his job to do the approaching. Just to clarify, I'm not just meeting these guys off the street. I've been approached by guys at church, guys who work in my office building, etc...
Robratory Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 It's not that it's some huge burden to take out my phone and put in his number. You're missing the point. It felt like a cop out. He put the ball in my court to make it easier on himself. When he asked me for my number, I even said "what about your phone?" I gave him an opportunity to take my number down, put he didn't want it. He wanted me to call him. I'm 100% in agreement with you. I don't know what he was thinking, but that strategy isn't going to get him anywhere. Most women will take a guy's number just to get rid of him, but even the ones who found him attractive are very unlikely to call. This is part of the mating dance that modern times is not changing, and it has absolutely nothing to do with being introverted or not. Next time, consider kind of laughing and saying something like, "Sorry, I don't call guys. Guys call me." 3
Mrin Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Coming from a guys perspective...... It's about respecting the woman snd her privacy just like fir a first date it's understood you don't ask about going to pick her up from her house. The phone number is the same thing, I give it yo you if you want yo wLk thorn text/call me. This. I've actually done this before. It was with a woman that I had only met for about five minutes. It was a social occasion and I was on my way out. I did explain it though - "hey listen. I have to run to catch a flight and I know we've only chatted for five minutes but I wish we had two hours to get to know each other as our five minutes together was the highlight of my day. I don't want to put you on the spot giving our your number to an almost random stranger so here's my card. I'd love to hear from you if you're game to meet up again." We ended up dating off and on for about 3 months. Lovely lady. She did say that I was unusual in how I approached her and was touched by my respect for her privacy. 2
candie13 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 OP, I apologize if I let myself get carried away. I'm a talker, a communicator. I feel reassured if I get to know the person in front of me, if I get information about them. Now, in a bar or a coffee shop, you can talk and get to feel a bit the person in front of you. But in the street? That's a bit tough, almost aggressive. Maybe it's the cultural difference, I don't know. Truth is, there are no rules. You can meet people everywhere, in the bus, in an airplane, in the street, everywhere. As long as you stay guarded and careful and make informed decisions. 2
Wewon Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Spoken like a man, defending a man's point of view. This thread is made by a woman. If you want to help out, give constructive advice to her instead of complaining about the hardships of being a man on today's dating scene. That was advice to a woman, but you can feel victimized by that if you want. The point was what good does it do to take every possible method of contact and reed the most absolute worse case scenario into the intentions? There have been several posters that have discussed some very benign reasons for doing this, ranging from not putting her on the spot with a random stranger to not wanting to know that some strange guy now has her contact information. But the only possibilities that seem to get pondered are: 1) He's a coward 2) He's lazy 3) He's arrogant 4) He eats live babies. Believe it or not, some men actually listen to women's complaints about dating, but its hard to tell if women actually listen to their own complaints. 3
IronZ Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 I've used this technique before. I don't just blurt out "here's my number!" though. I ask if they're interested in texting (if we met online) and if they say yes I'll write my number down. Sometimes they'll just respond with their own number instead of waiting for me to give mine. It tends to work and I feel it's a non-threatening way to gauge interest instead of asking them to do something.
IronZ Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Fantastic. Do you give them their number before or after finding out if they are in a RS, are married, have children, do drugs, own guns, went to the uni ? Of course men love it when they have it easy. This is not about men being happy with your "lack of games" or getting them to like you. It is about you making sure you understand whom you choose to spend time with. Making an informed choice. Do you even know? What are your criteria before giving your number to complete strangers? Is your time precious to you? Do you want to get places, are you driven and ambitious? I tell you, if you were working hard at improving your life, you'll think twice about giving a couple of hours of your time to a stranger - other than ignoring the obvious danger behind it. Go ahead, give your free time away to strangers like it were candy, just don't complain about the low return on investment. lol who hurt you? You seem to play the victim card quite often based on the posts I see. You seem to genuinely have a strong distrust of men in general. On behalf of all men everywhere, sorry I guess..
RecentChange Posted February 10, 2016 Posted February 10, 2016 Fantastic. Do you give them their number before or after finding out if they are in a RS, are married, have children, do drugs, own guns, went to the uni ? Of course men love it when they have it easy. This is not about men being happy with your "lack of games" or getting them to like you. It is about you making sure you understand whom you choose to spend time with. Making an informed choice. Do you even know? What are your criteria before giving your number to complete strangers? Is your time precious to you? Do you want to get places, are you driven and ambitious? I tell you, if you were working hard at improving your life, you'll think twice about giving a couple of hours of your time to a stranger - other than ignoring the obvious danger behind it. Go ahead, give your free time away to strangers like it were candy, just don't complain about the low return on investment. Funny set of assumptions you have made honey. First, I am going to say you won't like me at all, because I am a philandering hoe. Also happen to be VERY driven, I joke I am the busiest person I know (responding right now while on the commuter train) - I make six figures, I am a bread winner, work full time in a professional career, have an expensive and time consuming hobby (jumping competitions with my horse). And a boy friend, and have kept a side peice or two. So yeah, our morals probably don't quite match up. But never call me unambitious - I am usually pulling 14 hour days, and my "I see what I want, and go after it" attitude has been an asset professionally. As for the "strangers" I give my number to (but really, I rather that they give me theirs), usually men I meet at networking events (attorneys, investors etc), and yes, by the time a number is passed, I have an idea regarding their relationship status, social status, and general political views. I am far from wall flower, if I see someone I am interested in, I will start a conversation etc. Often it leads to them giving me THEIR number, but I know you hate that too. So how has your techinque paid off?
Author 90s kid Posted February 10, 2016 Author Posted February 10, 2016 This. I've actually done this before. It was with a woman that I had only met for about five minutes. It was a social occasion and I was on my way out. I did explain it though - "hey listen. I have to run to catch a flight and I know we've only chatted for five minutes but I wish we had two hours to get to know each other as our five minutes together was the highlight of my day. I don't want to put you on the spot giving our your number to an almost random stranger so here's my card. I'd love to hear from you if you're game to meet up again." We ended up dating off and on for about 3 months. Lovely lady. She did say that I was unusual in how I approached her and was touched by my respect for her privacy. I like the way you handled it. You communicated to her why you gave her your card. You explained that you had to run and catch a flight. And while you definitely want to see her again, you didn't want to put her on the spot by asking for her information. That's a great way to communicate! She didn't have to guess what your intentions were because you told her straight up.
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