Men who ask YOU take down THEIR number

[Erdbeere]

Httm8,

 

 

"The heavy lifting, just like being the one to approach her to begin with? Some girls have it on a silver platter and they Still complain. Unbelievable! Talk about overinflated egos. You *gasp* actually have to write someone's number down when You don't even know if you like them yet! What a tough burden that must be...

 

Please don't descrihe yourselves as down to earth. You are nowhere near."

 

 

^^^

this is your opinion which of course you are entitled to have.

 

 

IMO any female who takes a 'phone number from some random guy in the street is asking for trouble .

There are an awful lot of sociopaths and wackos out there.

 

This is not true. In my experience, as someone who gets given numbers a lot (which I mostly use), and gets approached a lot, I hardly ever encounter someone even odd, let alone a sociopath. Please avoid these tabloid-esque caricatures of people. One of the loveliest parts of my days and loveliest traits to see in men is when men are brave in approaching me like this.

[losangelena]

You're totally over-thinking it.

 

If you want to get to know him, accept his number and call / text him.

 

If not, don't.

 

Simples.

 

Ditto.

 

Dating and mating are hard enough. If you feel compelled, follow up, and if you don't, don't worry about it.

[WaitingForBardot]

...

IMO any female who takes a 'phone number from some random guy in the street is asking for trouble .

There are an awful lot of sociopaths and wackos out there.

IMO it is far less risky for the woman to take his number than to give hers out, assuming she's interested to begin with.

[Erdbeere]

IMO it is far less risky for the woman to take his number than to give hers out, assuming she's interested to begin with.

 

There's little risk. It's much easier than is being conveyed here. I've never had to block anyone on my phone. Noone has ever abused me. Noone has ever pestered me. I asked 1 person not to contact me anymore, and they haven't. I don't even know where the block function lives, but would use it if someone became a nuisance.

[GR4]

There's little risk. It's much easier than is being conveyed here. I've never had to block anyone on my phone. Noone has ever abused me. Noone has ever pestered me. I asked 1 person not to contact me anymore, and they haven't. I don't even know where the block function lives, but would use it if someone became a nuisance.

 

I agree, the apparent threat that men pose to women has been so far exaggerated. The vast majority of men and women pose absolutely no threat.

 

I've heard this apparent 'threat' as an excuse some women use for fading or ghosting men, you know, saying that women have been shot in the face for rejecting a guy. Get real, that just doesn't happen and you know it. It's absolute nonsense.

[Erdbeere]

I agree, the apparent threat that men pose to women has been so far exaggerated. The vast majority of men and women pose absolutely no threat.

 

I've heard this apparent 'threat' as an excuse some women use for fading or ghosting men, you know, saying that women have been shot in the face for rejecting a guy. Get real, that just doesn't happen and you know it. It's absolute nonsense.

 

It does happen. Saying it doesn't happen is as unhelpful as saying it happens every time! Nothing is risk-free in life. Walking along the street carries risk. Going to sleep carries risk. We eat food that isn't 100% risk free. People have an obsession with seeing everything in dramatic headlines. Life is simply about balancing risk, and objectively looking at situations, if one's head is clouded.

[90s kid]

Thanks for all of your responses. Half of you seem to thinkthat the guy was well meaning and the other half thinks it may have been somesort of power play or pick up strategy.

 

If he had seemed nervous or anxious during our exchange, Iwould have chalked it up to a fear of rejection or anxiety about asking me formy phone number. But this guy struck me as extremely confident. He approachedme out of the blue on a crowded street and asked me for my name, where Iworked, etc… If this guy was afraid ofbeing rejected, I don’t think he would have approached me in the first place.

 

Also, like I said, Ioffered to let him take down my number but he specifically wanted me to takedown his number and contact him. It seemed intentional. I’m not saying hisintentions were nefarious, but there was definitely a reason behind it that Ican’t quite figure out.

[Erdbeere]

Also, like I said, Ioffered to let him take down my number but he specifically wanted me to takedown his number and contact him. It seemed intentional. I’m not saying hisintentions were nefarious, but there was definitely a reason behind it that Ican’t quite figure out.

 

Have you rejected the reason I gave you in my post?

[Cappycorny]

It's how I got in the current FWB I'm in. He grabbed my phone and put his number in it. Thought it was a bit forward but I like it.

[candie13]

OP, the whole approach is weird. I mean, I know men have a hard time meeting women and it takes a lot of courage to do a cold call like that (I think it's how they're called). But... the fact that they say "call me" implies playing games. In a way, anything they say beyond that really doesn't matter because they're challenging you at best, asking you to chase them at worst.

 

So if he's cute and flirty instead of cocky and with an attitude and you enjoy the banter, you can insert his phone number in your phone and then call him then and there. Then say to him "and now you have my phone number. Don't be a stranger, stranger :)".

 

I know some women love to be the chaser, but that doesn't do anything to me. A dude telling me to call him won't get anything else than a smile from me. Games are for little girls. I'm a woman, I enjoy to be pursued .

[candie13]

Thanks for all of your responses. Half of you seem to thinkthat the guy was well meaning and the other half thinks it may have been somesort of power play or pick up strategy.

 

If he had seemed nervous or anxious during our exchange, Iwould have chalked it up to a fear of rejection or anxiety about asking me formy phone number. But this guy struck me as extremely confident. He approachedme out of the blue on a crowded street and asked me for my name, where Iworked, etc… If this guy was afraid ofbeing rejected, I don’t think he would have approached me in the first place.

 

Also, like I said, Ioffered to let him take down my number but he specifically wanted me to takedown his number and contact him. It seemed intentional. I’m not saying hisintentions were nefarious, but there was definitely a reason behind it that Ican’t quite figure out.

OP, just how are you weeding men? I bet a bunch of them would like to date you, so... how do you chose to whom you say yes and to whom you say no? Only because he's cute, gutsy and gave you his phone number? I need much more, I need substance.

 

So as far as weeding the suitable men from the wrong is concerned, I proceed based on the conversation, behavior and affinities. A man chasing me in the street asking me my name and where I work would scare the sh*t out of me. It's flattering, does good to the ego to get this sort of attention, but... no . Zero conversation, no information about the affinities and as far as behavior goes, God only knows how many women in the city have his phone number and how many call him. I personally don't need a dude like that in my life.

 

I even hate to have lost the time to write a reply to your post about this dude

[RecentChange]

Huh, I guess I am in the minority.

 

I prefer a guy to give me HIS number, rather than give mine out.

 

Less pressure, if I want to contact him I will, if I don't I wont. Giving his number to me shows his interest, and puts the ball in my court.

 

I don't want to hand out my number to just any one...

 

Hell - I sat on a guy's number for months once before finally using it. I did when I was ready... I like having that control.

 

I am also not the type to pout that "he didn't ask me out" - if I want to go out with him, *I* will ask him out, I just don't play those games or restrict myself to those gender norms. And if I want his number - I will ask for it, and immediately text him so he has mine.

 

 

I know some women love to be the chaser, but that doesn't do anything to me. A dude telling me to call him won't get anything else than a smile from me. Games are for little girls. I'm a woman, I enjoy to be pursued .

 

See... and I find this to be game playing. You must call me, I have to be chased etc etc.

 

He showed the interest, he gave the number - now all I have to do is reciprocate the interest. In my experience, all it takes is one text "Hi this Recentchange, it was nice to meet you!"

Edited February 9, 2016 by RecentChange

[90s kid]

Have you rejected the reason I gave you in my post?

 

Thanks for your response.

I know I might have been making too much of it which is why I wanted you all's insights. It's possible he didn't want to be pushy by asking for my info. I like your idea to send him my number asap if I'm interested so I can put the ball back in his court.

[90s kid]

OP, just how are you weeding men? I bet a bunch of them would like to date you, so... how do you chose to whom you say yes and to whom you say no? Only because he's cute, gutsy and gave you his phone number? I need much more, I need substance.

 

So as far as weeding the suitable men from the wrong is concerned, I proceed based on the conversation, behavior and affinities. A man chasing me in the street asking me my name and where I work would scare the sh*t out of me. It's flattering, does good to the ego to get this sort of attention, but... no . Zero conversation, no information about the affinities and as far as behavior goes, God only knows how many women in the city have his phone number and how many call him. I personally don't need a dude like that in my life.

 

I even hate to have lost the time to write a reply to your post about this dude

 

This is what's difficult for me.I don't have a super active social life so the most common way I meet guys is just being approached randomly. So I don't have much to go on except the initial attraction and quick conversation before I decide whether or not I'm interested. It's not the ideal way of meeting someone at all. How do I figure out whether he has "substance" during the short initial exchange? I thought that's what the first date was for.

[candie13]

See... and I find this to be game playing. You must call me, I have to be chased etc etc.

 

He showed the interest, he gave the number - now all I have to do is reciprocate the interest. In my experience, all it takes is one text "Hi this Recentchange, it was nice to meet you!"

 

no no no, he must not do anything, not at all. But if he likes me, he will call first. He will make contact first. He will initiate dates first. It is not "game playing". It is fair to say that in today's society, it is not current that women approach men but men approach women. I know I've not asked for a guy's number, like... never. So if men are the ones making contact - and they contact more than one girl, how will I know if he likes me better than any of the other girls? In the end, that is the real question, not who makes contact first.

 

In my book, I'll know he likes me because he calls or texts or initiates contact. That takes time and effort and mind space, so in a way, that would make me think he likes me, because he puts words and actions in motion.

 

I don't like to wonder. It is true that in the initial stage, women get asked out and from that perspective, they have it easier. Women get to choose whom they date, but things get evened out on the long run. Because while women decide whom to date, men decide whom and if to marry. No role or position is perfect.

[smackie9]

I like this approach. This way I don't have to say, "I am sorry, I don't want to give you my number". Yeah I can say it. But the guy is trying to not put you on the spot. If you're not interested, then just don't call, no awkwardness. If you are interested, then you say, "thank you, and here is my number". He was not expecting you to call, he was hoping you'd reciprocate.

 

It's like when introducing yourself. Instead of starting out with "what is your name?" It is more polite to say, "Hello, My name is ..." Then the other person also says his/her name too (or not).

This says to me....no ballz....

[candie13]

This is what's difficult for me.I don't have a super active social life so the most common way I meet guys is just being approached randomly. So I don't have much to go on except the initial attraction and quick conversation before I decide whether or not I'm interested. It's not the ideal way of meeting someone at all. How do I figure out whether he has "substance" during the short initial exchange? I thought that's what the first date was for.

well, if you want quality contact and quality dates, change your laid back lifestyle. Put yourself out there and have standards. Preferences. If you like sports, go join sports clubs. If you like arts, go join arts meet ups.

 

I think knowing nothing - absolutely nothing about a dude, not if he has a gf, a wife, if he is in an open RS, if he had kids, if he's doing drugs or went to jail - and your expecting to find that out from him during the first date is dangerous.

 

Apologies, that is not rocket science. How old are you, do you go to school?

[Wewon]

At the end of the day does it all end up in the same place?

 

Yes, its unusual and off script, it means that you will make the initial call (to someone that you know is interested), it also means that you have to decide when and where to call.

 

On the flip is, it eliminates a string of excuses from "I didn't know how to say 'no' so I gave him the number to Dominoes pizza", "He creeped me out and I didn't want him to have my number" and "I thought I liked him at the time, but later changed my mind and now I will send him to voicemail because I don't owe him anything".

 

Honestly, I think that a lot of women look for reasons to be annoyed, scared or offended. I'm sure that there is a thread where I guy approached a women in a textbook traditional fashion and she's offended because he intruded on her space, felt "entitled" to a phone number, or misread the hint on whether her hair was being twirled clockwise or counter clockwise.

[RecentChange]

Eh, well I ask for numbers too..

 

Works well for me, I find meeting quality guys that show great interest in me quite easy. And most have said that they love the straight foward approach and lack of game playing.

[candie13]

At the end of the day does it all end up in the same place?

 

Yes, its unusual and off script, it means that you will make the initial call (to someone that you know is interested), it also means that you have to decide when and where to call.

 

On the flip is, it eliminates a string of excuses from "I didn't know how to say 'no' so I gave him the number to Dominoes pizza", "He creeped me out and I didn't want him to have my number" and "I thought I liked him at the time, but later changed my mind and now I will send him to voicemail because I don't owe him anything".

 

Honestly, I think that a lot of women look for reasons to be annoyed, scared or offended. I'm sure that there is a thread where I guy approached a women in a textbook traditional fashion and she's offended because he intruded on her space, felt "entitled" to a phone number, or misread the hint on whether her hair was being twirled clockwise or counter clockwise.

Spoken like a man, defending a man's point of view. This thread is made by a woman. If you want to help out, give constructive advice to her instead of complaining about the hardships of being a man on today's dating scene.

[candie13]

Eh, well I ask for numbers too..

 

Works well for me, I find meeting quality guys that show great interest in me quite easy. And most have said that they love the straight foward approach and lack of game playing.

Fantastic. Do you give them their number before or after finding out if they are in a RS, are married, have children, do drugs, own guns, went to the uni ?

 

Of course men love it when they have it easy. This is not about men being happy with your "lack of games" or getting them to like you. It is about you making sure you understand whom you choose to spend time with. Making an informed choice. Do you even know? What are your criteria before giving your number to complete strangers? Is your time precious to you? Do you want to get places, are you driven and ambitious?

 

I tell you, if you were working hard at improving your life, you'll think twice about giving a couple of hours of your time to a stranger - other than ignoring the obvious danger behind it. Go ahead, give your free time away to strangers like it were candy, just don't complain about the low return on investment.

[Maggie4]

This says to me....no ballz....

 

Maybe, maybe... Actually how he does it doesn't even matter. If I like him, all is good. If I don't, no number! Why give him the number to call, only to turn him down over the phone. If I want him, I'll make excuses for him, ha ha...

[90s kid]

well, if you want quality contact and quality dates, change your laid back lifestyle. Put yourself out there and have standards. Preferences. If you like sports, go join sports clubs. If you like arts, go join arts meet ups.

 

I think knowing nothing - absolutely nothing about a dude, not if he has a gf, a wife, if he is in an open RS, if he had kids, if he's doing drugs or went to jail - and your expecting to find that out from him during the first date is dangerous.

 

Apologies, that is not rocket science. How old are you, do you go to school?

 

I’m sensing a little condescension on your part. I know it’snot rocket science. I’m here to get a variety of insights and opinions in hopesof learning something new.

 

I try to socialize and meet new people, but I strugglesometimes because I am an introvert. Telling me to get out there and join abunch of clubs and I’ll meet tons of people is a lot easier said than done.Also, the men that I’ve met in social situations are often in relationships orjust not compatible with me. Or I’ll meet a guy I like but he never expressesinterest. It’s really not that easy. At least not for me.

 

That’s why I appreciate guys who go out of their way toapproach me and get my contact info. It makes it easier for an introvert like meand it gives me the opportunity to get to know new people. The downside is thatI don’t know a lot about them initially and it sometimes takes a while before Iknow whether or not there’s potential there.

 

You’re entitled to your opinion but I disagree that gettingto know a man on the first date is dangerous. A man that your meet at yourlocal sports club or who works in your building can be just as enigmatic as aman you just met. It’s up to me to set up a safe date in a public place wherewe can get to know each other. People do it all the time.

Edited February 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fixed formatting ~6

[Miss Peach]

IMO it is far less risky for the woman to take his number than to give hers out, assuming she's interested to begin with.

 

It's not risky at all anymore with services out there like Google Voice that let you change your number easily. I just give out my GV number until I've gotten to know the person better.

 

I'm with the camp that says either he's lazy or he's not interested enough to make more of an effort. My experience is there are many men out there who want things as long as they don't require much work. Those are not typically BF material guys.

 

It's not a matter of playing games either. I have actually been thanked several times from guys for being straight up, not ghosting, etc. But that doesn't mean I am instantly theirs as soon as they show a little interest in me.

Edited February 9, 2016 by Miss Peach

[candie13]

I’m sensing a little condescension on your part. I know it’snot rocket science. I’m here to get a variety of insights and opinions in hopesof learning something new.

 

I try to socialize and meet new people, but I strugglesometimes because I am an introvert. Telling me to get out there and join abunch of clubs and I’ll meet tons of people is a lot easier said than done.Also, the men that I’ve met in social situations are often in relationships orjust not compatible with me. Or I’ll meet a guy I like but he never expressesinterest. It’s really not that easy. At least not for me.

 

That’s why I appreciate guys who go out of their way toapproach me and get my contact info. It makes it easier for an introvert like meand it gives me the opportunity to get to know new people. The downside is thatI don’t know a lot about them initially and it sometimes takes a while before Iknow whether or not there’s potential there.

 

You’re entitled to your opinion but I disagree that gettingto know a man on the first date is dangerous. A man that your meet at yourlocal sports club or who works in your building can be just as enigmatic as aman you just met. It’s up to me to set up a safe date in a public place wherewe can get to know each other. People do it all the time.

 

OP, being an introvert is a character trait not an excuse, unless you make it so.

 

If you want to get to meet people, you cannot stay home because you're an introvert yet expect to meet new, high quality people. Meeting new people is a process. It a long, uncomfortable process for both introverts and extroverts, because it takes people out of their comfort zone. The more you lead this process, the more you get to know about the men you meet, the more you are in charge, the better it is for you, because it means you can protect yourself. Information is power, especially in dating.

 

I feel that you find dating an anxiety filled process and your way of managing this anxiety is to put all of your hopes in strangers approaching you in the street, thus projecting your expectations on them.

 

Helloooo, those men approach 5 or 10 women per day at least. You think you're the only one? How many does that make a week? A month? Is that your solution to your dating life, those men approaching you and 30 others per week? They are your answer to your dating life, because you're an introvert?

 

I was not trying to be condescending, I was being irritated. Strangers in the street approaching you is easy. It is not meant to be easy. It is meant to be hard, you are meant to struggle, because it means you are going out of your comfort zone. Knowing is always better than not knowing.

 

If you prefer to put all of your time and money on men in the street as sole source of interacting with new people... well... good luck with that !

Edited February 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fixed formatting in quoted post ~6