mortensorchid Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 I was talking about this with someone over the weekend about their pasts and was curious as to what others may or may not think about this. I was watching a documentary on YouTube about purity balls in the US now, in that they are the trend (or was just recently) for girls to pledge that they will remain virgins until they marry. It was a lot of princess imagery, essentially I said this is like a deb ball for common people who have no blue blood ties and they dress it up with some church buzz words in order to give it a purpose. This is the most recent trend in an age old battle of double standards, I said, that women are to remain pure and virtuous and men are allowed if not encouraged to be promiscuous. However, I wonder what real people think on this? I for one was never one to either demand to remain a virgin or was desperate to loose it. It seemed to just happen when it was supposed to and I did not fight it once THE TIME came because, it was time. And I also hate to bring up religion into this, but I did my fair share of dating in my teens and early twenties with so called religious men (aka Catholics who fell into every stereotype possible because I went to Catholic schools) who had never learned to say "Eh, forget about it" when it came to all the stereotypes that come with associating guilt and sex. At some point, truth be told, I stopped caring all together and said that was nonsense and started having a good time. But I digress ... I am asking this because I am curious, to both the men as well as the women : How do you feel about this? Do you feel that it is right or wrong for a person to hold off for THE ONE and if so, why or why not? Did any of you do this? Where did your opinions come from? Have you ever encountered or attempted to be with someone whose opinions/values were not yours and if so how did you deal with it? I was telling a male friend this, he said he dated some girl years ago who was some fundamentalist and she started saying to him after they were having sex that it was wrong of them to be doing this and not be married. He saw it as no big deal, but then eventually she made things so hard that she broke up with him because she couldn't take it. I said "Well she's an a****** and she feels guilty and she uses the faith as an excuse to justify her guilt." And still feel that way. I wonder what others think.
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 I am asking this because I am curious, to both the men as well as the women : How do you feel about this? Do you feel that it is right or wrong for a person to hold off for THE ONE and if so, why or why not? Did any of you do this? Where did your opinions come from? I knew I was going to wait until I was at least 18 years old, and in love. I did that. That was for my own sake not because of religion, family morals or anything. I saw my best friend get really hurt in high school because she had sex with her boyfriend (she was labeled a s*** and shamed mercilessly) and I realized I couldn't take that. Purity balls are disgusting to me. What does the girl's FATHER have to do with her virginity? Why is her father going to the ball with her? Why not both of her parents or her mom, or no parents? The idea that a young woman's sexuality is somehow the province of her father is repulsive to me. 2
PogoStick Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 "The one" is a fairy tale so waiting for that person is like believing Disney movies are true stories. In fact, I think it's practical to not wait. Go out and get experience. Learn how to be a lover, learn how to have a good relationship. Then when you do meet a great person you'll have the experience to not fk it up!
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 It is creepy and screws up their minds. After I read the OP I googled "Purity Ball" and saw a lot of pictures of the dads with their daughters - who were about 10 years old!!! Isn't that a little young to be thinking about your first sexual experience and promising your dad how it'll be?
smudge21 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 I always remember Ferris Bueller talking about his mate Cameron, saying that he's going to fall in love with the first girl he sleeps with and she'll treat him like dirt as you can't respect someone who kisses your ass! It's pretty true - people who wait, end up putting so much energy and thought into the whole sex thing, that it becomes the be all and end all of their lives. The moment they give that to someone, it is the ultimate gift they could give and then they are just connected to that person for life. However, that person, could've slept with loads of people and simply not care less. If someone choses to remain pure then that's their decision, but I just see it as focusing all the attention on one thing. The line "you have to kiss a few frogs..." is so true as we've all been hurt by ones that we thought we The One, so imagine how that must be when The One is The Only One. I firmly believe everyone should experience life before wanting to share it with just one person, the good and the bad. It's what makes us better people and helps us make better choices too. 2
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 I know of an active Christian woman in her church, but the church isn't a fundy church. So it's not all too Bible thumpy, but she's active in her kids church social functions, music group, she even plays the church organ. She did the whole, "Wait until marriage before you have sex routine" and regretted it, because the husband was a cheating and abusive piece of crap once the wedding ring was put on her finger. She got married at 19 and was completely miserable from the START. The whole "Disney" image of being "pure" until marriage was nothing but a bull crap memory to her. Now, whenever she gets into a relationship with guy, she has no qualms with having pre-marital sex DUE TO her aforementioned history. She doesn't sleep around but she does wait until the relationship becomes monogamous. She's even lived with a guy outside of wedlock, doesn't really feel too guilty about it either. Can't say I blame her. When other fellow Christians say to her, "You're Christian! You shouldn't be living in sin!!" Her response, "That's something between me and God shall we meet." So she's knowingly and willingly committing a sin in her religion, but her "out" is her previous miserable marriage.
fenix Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 I think there are two different questions here. a)I think that each person is the owner of their own sexuality and I find disgusting the idea of those fathers "owning" the virginity of their daughters. b) People choosing to save themselves for marriage is also a choice and a very respectable one (same respectable as the other option). No one needs to give you an explanation of their choices when it comes to sexuality. 1
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