kaycaps Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 Basically I can't figure out if he's just really busy and caught up in his life or if he's trying to distance himself from me. We started seeing each other toward the end of November. Things started out with him constantly texting me, us hanging out nearly every day, stuff like that. He's both a full time college student and works a full time job, and at the time we started seeing each other the semester was winding down and he had a month off from college. I understand it's not realistic to think we would continue constantly talking and hanging out every single day, but the past couple of weeks since school has started again he's practically been non-existent. No invites to hang out, barely texting me, not calling. I'm trying not to look too much into it, but it's bumming me out and making me really insecure. If/when I confront him I would prefer it to be in person as opposed to texting or talking over the phone, but the last time I hit him up and asked if we could see each other was on Saturday, and all he said was "honestly I'm really swamped right now, I don't know". I'm getting to the point where I need SOMETHING to go on. So to sum it up, I'd like an unbiased perspective of the situation, does it seem like I'm getting myself worked up over nothing, or does it seem like he's backing down? Also wondering what the consensus would be on if I should try to speak to him about it through text or a phone call since he acts like he's too busy to see me right now.
OnlyHonesty Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 What do you talk about when you communicate? What do you do if / when you see each other in person? It sounds like a classic case of honeymoon period over and running out of steam because the novelty wore off. You mentioned that he was constantly texting you. If he was the only one initiating he may have become tired of that too. Having said all of that, I do less than that guy but still don't have time for relationships or half of the stuff that you mentioned so ive got no idea how he even managed that.
AMJ Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Hmm when was the last time you saw each other? There's more details that would be important to know to give advice...are you guys sleeping together? Have there been any other conflicts or issues that have come up while spending time together? Him being too busy to hang out could be true, except that wasn't he busy taking finals when he first started trying to date you? Finals are usually the worst time for a student. Pressing a guy on why he's not communicating enough or making enough effort to spend time with you, unfortunately this never ever works the way you want it to. In my opinion, your best option is to disappear basically, and make him wonder what the hell happened to you, so he comes to you. It's like, once they catch you, they sometimes stop trying so hard to keep you. So don't let him catch you. 1
Author kaycaps Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 What's going on in our lives, our hopes, our dreams, music, tv shows...really anything you can think of. Sometimes when we see each other all we do is hang out at one of our apartments and just talk and watch tv or play video games, sometimes we go out and do stuff. It used to be back and forth. I didn't always wait for him to initiate contact, it was a pretty even mix of him contacting me first and me contacting him first. I honestly can't remember the last time he initiated contact now. If I send him a text he will reply, he's not flat out ignoring me. Just not making nearly as much effort as in the beginning. I agree that we may be falling out of that "honeymoon phase" and I do understand that couples don't stay that way forever, it's just been a bit alarming to me how little contact we've had since college started up again. Yeah, Mondays and Wednesdays are his days off work but he still has class until the late afternoon both those days. Saturday and Sunday he works 9am-8pm so he can get his full 40 hours since he only works 6-7 hour shifts during the week and has those 2 days off. Like I said I know he's extremely busy, what I'm really getting stressed out about is the lack of even texting or calling.
Author kaycaps Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 AMJ - I did see him last Monday, and he did initiate that. He's been very quiet ever since then though. We are sleeping together. Sometimes we have minor disagreements but it's never been anything major, just misunderstandings that are quickly resolved. That's what I thought too in regards to finals and the new semester starting. It was actually the very beginning of finals when we started seeing each other, and class was over, so aside from that week or so he took finals he'd basically been on break until a couple weeks ago. I see what you're saying, it may be best to lay low and see how he proceeds. I feel like I'm making a fool of myself texting him every day. 1
AMJ Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 I see what you're saying, it may be best to lay low and see how he proceeds. I feel like I'm making a fool of myself texting him every day. Yeah, don't do that. I hate that we have to play games like this, but it works. If it doesn't work, it's because he's moved on. I feel like it's also an age thing..guys seem to learn when they get older that what he's doing to you drives all women crazy. So they do get better. We have to teach them, unfortunately
Author kaycaps Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 Yeah, don't do that. I hate that we have to play games like this, but it works. If it doesn't work, it's because he's moved on. I feel like it's also an age thing..guys seem to learn when they get older that what he's doing to you drives all women crazy. So they do get better. We have to teach them, unfortunately What's an even bigger bummer was in the beginning I was so happy he didn't seem to be playing games like that. Now a few months in it seems like he's doing what he should have been doing in the beginning, and in the beginning he was doing what I wish he were still doing now. Ugh. We were texting a bit last night, and I asked if everything was okay with us and if he still wants to see me and he said yes, but once again today I haven't heard a peep from him...
Author kaycaps Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 I'm trying INSANELY HARD to not be a naggy, insecure woman. I was scared to even text him what I did last night but I wanted to know SOMETHING. I felt a bit better last night when he said he did, but I'm already incredibly anxious again but I don't want to send him another message like that. I would hope he would be mature enough (he's 26) to be straight up and honest if he isn't feeling it anymore...but who knows at this point...
Eighty_nine Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 ^ yes, I would just sort of back off. He will notice. And if what's happening is because of his own stuff, and not because he's not into you anymore, he'll come around. If he doesn't after a week, let's say, I'd contact him just for some clairification. Lots of people will say don't do this, but I think it's much easier to move on if you straight up ask what's going on.
Author kaycaps Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 ^ yes, I would just sort of back off. He will notice. And if what's happening is because of his own stuff, and not because he's not into you anymore, he'll come around. If he doesn't after a week, let's say, I'd contact him just for some clairification. Lots of people will say don't do this, but I think it's much easier to move on if you straight up ask what's going on. Thanks for the input. I agree. I'm kind of scared to just not say anything because I'm afraid he'll forget I exist, but I suppose if he is truly into me and this isn't a case of him losing interest, eventually he'll call me or send me some sort of what's up text. I went out of town this time last month, and was rather busy and didn't contact him for several days. Eventually he texted me one of our inside jokes, which made me laugh and made me happy that he was still thinking of me. I'm REALLY hoping he's just extremely busy and isn't trying to give me the cold shoulder. I really like this guy.
spiderowl Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 If he's not there, getting in touch with you, wanting to see you, he's not that interested. Sorry. He may well be very busy but he would want to keep you in the picture not just disappear. I would leave him to it and get on with your own things, go out and be with friends. If this guy wants to be with you, he should have to work for it now if he's neglected you.
AMJ Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 In his mind, he's not playing a game though. He just thinks, I have her, I don't have to try so hard to keep her anymore. Or he's not even thinking about this at all. The Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus books explain this cat and mouse dance in lots of exciting detail. The book would say- men retreat in their caves and women are supposed to leave them alone...ugh. And the book would say, soon after they catch a woman, they kind of retreat to deliberate, do i really want this woman? And when women react by being insecure, it freaks them out because they feel like they're being forced to make a commitment too soon. So, we're supposed to let them disappear and have their space, which will make them feel safer to come right back to us. I think this is called rubber banding?
Author kaycaps Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 Well I guess what I'm taking from this is I need to back off and see what happens, and I will receive an answer in the form of either continuing to not hear from him or he will try to contact me if he wants to talk. It's going to be hard but it does appear that's the best course of action right now. Fingers crossed. 1
OnlyHonesty Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 How old are you? I'm guessing younger than him by at least a few years. You are 22?
Erdbeere Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Our downfall as human beings will be our obsession with text messages. * Nothing meaningful will ever be conveyed with a text message * Nothing can be interpreted by the frequency of text messages * Nobody who is capable of being a good partner will be inclined to spend all day, every day sending text messages * People who have the time and inclination to send text messages all day, every day have nothing else going on in their lives * People who obsess over text messages do not make good partners, as good partners need regular time away from their relationships and partners 1
truth_seeker Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Look, if I'm into a woman, I let her know with my actions. None of this texting, messaging... I call her, I TALK TO HER, I make it a point to see her in person. If I'm playing tag with text messages, I'm somewhat into her...
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