Was she "the one"?

[IrishYeats]

I know we all experience relationships differently, thats because we as individuals are different, its hard to give advice i know because you dont know the persons mind, the experiences they had, what they deal with etc this girl was complex, is complex. A tiny frame, a mind you would never understand. Beautiful, funny, very smart. Great traits. Controlling and high and low. Previous suicide attempt after the death of her father led her to spiral somewhat, she loved her father so much, he kept her sane and grounded. She went through an extremely bad 3 year relationship, abused mentally and physically. Her child witnessed this too and it killed her so much. She was adopted as a child. Her BF left when she had the baby 11 years ago, so i get it, she has been through a lot but to speak to her you would not assume it, very bright, well spoken, wants to succeed. Shes gone back to college to build a career for her and her little girl.

 

 

I knew her many years ago she dated a friend for a short spell. We always got on well actually, same humour i thought. We lost contact for years and she added me on FB last April. I was surprised and happy to hear from her i had great time for her. I asked her why add me now randomly? she said she dreamt about me 2 nights running in a week so said she would add me! we spoke a lot back and forth, mails kept coming, day by day, week by week.. it got to June and i could tell it was more than friendship, she got drunk with friends and told me she seen a fortune teller who told her i met this guy he had the most amazing eyes, was really warm and kind and she would be very happy with this guy ... me she meant.. i was happy to hear this.

 

We spoke more and in august we hooked up finally, night of my dads 20th death anniversary and one night before her dads, was strange but nice at the same time. I fell head over heels, dreamt about her, wanted to make her happy all the time, the way she deserved i felt, show her real love and care the kind she never had. 2 months in it was great, felt like we had a future, we spoke about it.. my world was just made with this girl, shes all i wanted. It got to Sept and she went back to college, we knew this would hurt us, our time together as she lived an hour away but college work, her child, me working night shift meant it got hard but we said we would find a way its gonna be ok... weeks went on and we had silly arguments online never anything major, she started most, she became cold and distant, some days high, some low..i thought maybe it was her meds she took some then didnt..

 

november came and i booked a holiday for her bday with my friends too who she knew well.. 3 days, disaster, she acted and treated me badly, just didnt want to be around me it seemed, more i tried, more she got angry and pushed away.. my friend noticed and pulled her on it and she back tracked, she asked why are you treating him so bad hes so kind and nice to you? ... we got home and 3 days later after talking fine for the previous days, over facebook mail, i told her i loved her, i wanted this to work and it would be special if she let it and didnt give up on it.. she mailed back saying she didnt think it was working, we didnt gel, no chemistry ... her life was too hectic and she felt like going crazy some days.. i asked her really this was it over facebook too? didnt want to try even? she went on about how she didnt want it to end this way but could not lie to me and say it fine either.. i did not reply...

 

i was devastated, i think i cried the first time in years for an hour, i loved this girl like nothing else and she knew it. 2 weeks past, i did not sleep or eat, on my mind daily, i messaged her i didnt want to leave it so bad.. said i was hurt how she did it, how she seemed so at ease with it and how she treated me building to it.. she text back saying she was so sorry, i did not deserve any of it, i was the most decent genuine man she was with or she met, i deserved better than that and better than her, and id find it and someone who could make me a priority, she said her life was a mess, too hectic for her at times and she should not have got into a relationship it was her fault.. i was a great catch and sorry again. I said its ok i get it and i wished her well, said she was a brilliant mum to keep going with study and get to where your going and i wished her happiness and her little girl.

 

Weeks later it was hard for me to be friends with her on FB and not speak so i sent a mail saying could we unfriend each other and we could move on, i needed to let my heart heal and it was not personal that i cared and always will but it was hard right now. She said it was ok she understood she was there before and she didnt think bad of me, she said she never set out to hurt me but did and sorry, wished me all the happiness in the world and id find it and to get myself happy, work on myself and my life will improve, i had confidence issues she knew it, it was my first relationship in years as i cared for my sick mum so my social life suffered, she knew all this. I told her the same, take care and mind yourself and be happy, good luck in your exams and catch you on the other side.. she sent a kiss back and that was it, deleted. That was Dec 18.. no contact since.

 

I know her well and she wont contact me, i wont her either, let her get on with life. I promised her child football boots before we broke up, she loved football! so i texted to ask could i still send them i didn't want to break that promise and she said of course and it was really decent and she appreciated it a lot. So i sent them on. She texted to say thank you so much she loved them really appreciate it. I said thanks and best of luck and that was it. I dunno what happened, why really she got cold about it, when she was chasing me hard for months, she cared so much then just didn't, it was odd. two weeks before it she said she loved me, then that, my head was a mess. To be honest it is a little still, i feel better now for sure but i think of her daily, how she is, hows her little girl, little things.

 

I deeply care about her, i love her, maybe always will, but i wont contact her, im strong this way. She was my first real love, i am 29. I am slowly building my life, getting to where i want, findout out about the real world again. Time heals all they say, do you agree and any thoughts on this yourselves would be appreciated a lot

[kztar]

Hey man, I totally feel your pain. Those people who WIN you are the hardest to deal with when a breakup happens. It's so ODD. My ex boyfriend did the same thing to me. He chased and chased when I wasn't even interested in him at all until I became interested. He would text me all the time, show up in my house with sweet little gifts every time we went on dates. He did EVERYTHING he could to win me to the point that when he made me his girlfriend he said "I can't let a girl like you go because someone else is going to make you their girl if I don't" Which was actually correct. But to cut the story short he did a 180 one year and a half later and didn't call me at all, called me annoying, and broke my heart. These people are definitely eye openers because they go from hot to cold without any in betweens. With that being said try to move on. Im trying to do the same.

 

hugs