insert_name Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 Or to put it another way: would a girl take a guy out and pay for dinner if she is just playing a game or out for some ego stroking or attention seeking?
five2nine Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 Maybe she just really likes him and wants to do something nice? It doesn't mean she has some ulterior motive other than to go out and have a nice dinner together.
preraph Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 Well, she likes you, so that is a good sign. As long as she doesn't seem to be desperately trying to buy you, it's nice. 1
Author insert_name Posted February 8, 2016 Author Posted February 8, 2016 Well, she likes you, so that is a good sign. As long as she doesn't seem to be desperately trying to buy you, it's nice. So you definitely think a girl wouldn't do that for a game? There has to be serious interest? I am just very wary because of previous experiences with girls I like using plausible deniability when it seemed to me by their actions they were interested. What makes me a bit unsure with this girl is that it was the first time I had seen her in a couple of months (we dated briefly towards the end of last year then she had to go away with work for a bit then Christmas got in the way). I thought she wasn't interested and put her out of my mind and started dating someone else. She then gets in touch out of the blue and tells me she wants to take me to dinner (at a reasonably pricey restaurant). So she takes me for drinks beforehand (insisted I sit next to, rather than opposite her) and asks about the girl I am dating. I told her I wasn't that interested (the truth) and then, without me asking, she tells me she is dating someone. I was gutted although tried to take it in my stride and in some way felt that at least I knew the score and that we were just friends now. Fair enough. All I had to do was get through the meal and then never see her again! She didn't seem very enthusiastic about this guy, said she didn't see him much. I acted nonchalant, asked what this guy does for a living etc and put a little bit of space between us where we were sat in this booth seat. Then shortly after telling me this she leans in and initiates a kiss. From then on and through the meal she was really buoyant, like the elephant in the room the whole time was her wanting to kiss me and not knowing how I would react, once that was out of the way she really came alive. When we said goodbye there was a lingering kiss as she went to get a taxi. I won't see her for a while again as she has gone away with work for a few weeks (I know this is legit) so I am just getting on with things and if I meet someone else then all the better. I do like this girl a lot though still and am just wondering how much of an indicator of interest that night was. The dating someone stuff was off putting but I have had a female friend tell me it was just a test and that paying for dinner at a nice restaurant is a statement of intent (for info I had previously paid for dinner myself at a pricey restaurant), she could have taken me for a drink or not bothered at all. So yeah, wanted to get some more opinions on female behaviour into the melting pot!
preraph Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 My take on it is that she is open that she is dating around. And that you are kind of wanting to know if someone can do the distance without having dated them very long. I feel she is pretty social in general. I think she is keeping her options open and not jumping to conclusions by fixating on one person and is instead trying to get to know more than one, including you. She may sense some aspect of your sensitivity and is trying to be extra welcoming and nice. You can't go into it with her expecting her to stop dating other guys until she has dated you long enough to know if you are a keeper to her. If you can't handle her dating other guys at the same time so she can get to know them (and I have no idea if she's sleeping with them or not of course -- do you?), then she may not be the woman for you. But I like that she's open about it and paid for your dinner and asked you out and wants to get to know you. She's just really trying to get to know different guys and isn't falling into instant love like some women will. She sounds as if she may have some standards. Just don't fall into the friendzone trap. If you are interested and attracted to her, be sure to keep at least the kissing and touch regular so she can't get the wrong idea. Good luck. 2
Author insert_name Posted February 8, 2016 Author Posted February 8, 2016 My take on it is that she is open that she is dating around. And that you are kind of wanting to know if someone can do the distance without having dated them very long. I feel she is pretty social in general. I think she is keeping her options open and not jumping to conclusions by fixating on one person and is instead trying to get to know more than one, including you. She may sense some aspect of your sensitivity and is trying to be extra welcoming and nice. You can't go into it with her expecting her to stop dating other guys until she has dated you long enough to know if you are a keeper to her. If you can't handle her dating other guys at the same time so she can get to know them (and I have no idea if she's sleeping with them or not of course -- do you?), then she may not be the woman for you. But I like that she's open about it and paid for your dinner and asked you out and wants to get to know you. She's just really trying to get to know different guys and isn't falling into instant love like some women will. She sounds as if she may have some standards. Just don't fall into the friendzone trap. If you are interested and attracted to her, be sure to keep at least the kissing and touch regular so she can't get the wrong idea. Good luck. Thanks for the perspective. You are right about her being social- she is quite extroverted and has loads of friends as a result. Because she is pretty and popular I took it as a given that she is dating others, I don't have a problem with that, we have only dated briefly. It was always going to be a bridge I would cross at the point where I felt we knew each other well enough that I wanted to be exclusive. So whilst she has occasionally asked if I am dating anyone I never returned the question and worked on the basis that she is seeing others so was a bit confused about where it left me when she told me that- did she want me to back off? Then she kisses me... So I guess I am just trying to gauge her level of interest in me specifically at this point in time- what sort of chance do I have compared to others? Don't get me wrong I am open to the prospect of meeting other girls at this point although not actively looking because I am quite busy and focused on an intense fitness regime. I want to believe that her actions indicate that she is quite interested but from the tone of it it seems like you think I might have a long way to go yet? On the subject of standards it sounds like she moves quite slowly, I recall her saying that her relationships evolved from familiarity rather than 'ZOMG sparks and chemistry' and it sounds like her last boyfriend was really controlling and I sense she is a bit careful as a result of that. I guess I just want everyone to tell me that because she bought me dinner and there was intimacy that it is love at first sight but it is never that simple is it? So yeah, thanks for a dose of realism, it is needed!
Robratory Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 So you definitely think a girl wouldn't do that for a game? There has to be serious interest? If you're going to be successful relating to other people, you're going to have to learn to communicate. That is to say, you have to ask her. Last time you dated, you should have confirmed she was no longer interested instead of just assuming it. But having assumed it, you should have asked when she called why she was contacting you. Once you both established that you were dating other people, you should have asked why she contacted you. When she kissed you, you should have asked what's going on. We could come up with theories all day long, but the only person who can answer your questions is her. 1
Author insert_name Posted February 8, 2016 Author Posted February 8, 2016 If you're going to be successful relating to other people, you're going to have to learn to communicate. That is to say, you have to ask her. Last time you dated, you should have confirmed she was no longer interested instead of just assuming it. But having assumed it, you should have asked when she called why she was contacting you. Once you both established that you were dating other people, you should have asked why she contacted you. When she kissed you, you should have asked what's going on. We could come up with theories all day long, but the only person who can answer your questions is her. I can't argue with that. But, like a lot of people I guess, I am fine with being direct when there is nothing at stake whereas with a girl I am really interested in I take the path of least resistance and then go on an internet forum to try and find out what people far more insightful than I think! I think I also wanted to believe that a girl getting all dressed up and taking a guy out and then kissing him is a really positive sign when in reality it could be nothing at all. Given my poor success ratio with girls I actually like I'm now thinking I should pull the trigger on this and just ditch her before she ditches me- I guess if there was something there I wouldn't have all this guesswork in the first place.
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 Or to put it another way: would a girl take a guy out and pay for dinner if she is just playing a game or out for some ego stroking or attention seeking? Do you spend your hard earned money to treat people for those reasons? Neither do most people , but I suppose there can be exceptions. On balance it certainly sounds positive. What is making you question it?
Author insert_name Posted February 8, 2016 Author Posted February 8, 2016 Do you spend your hard earned money to treat people for those reasons? Neither do most people , but I suppose there can be exceptions. On balance it certainly sounds positive. What is making you question it? I don't know if you read the context in my response to preraph- she told me before we went for the meal that she was seeing someone else without me actually asking. After telling me this she kissed me...so the waters were muddied a bit. As I said I have no complaint with her dating others at this point in time- she has the right to do that, I just want a bit of perspective on whether the effort she went to means that she sees me as a serious prospect rather than a contender for the friendzone.
Emilia Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 I don't know if you read the context in my response to preraph- she told me before we went for the meal that she was seeing someone else without me actually asking. After telling me this she kissed me...so the waters were muddied a bit. As I said I have no complaint with her dating others at this point in time- she has the right to do that, I just want a bit of perspective on whether the effort she went to means that she sees me as a serious prospect rather than a contender for the friendzone. Ohoho she is a dominant one alright. My advice is if you decide to sleep with her, be prepared for opening pandora's box.
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