How to deal with my psycho ex

February 8, 2016

She does sound kind of wacko, but you're no prince either. How she responds to you cutting off her avenues of communication with you is not your responsibility, as dire as it may get. Do it.

You know, the other thing that strikes me is that in most countries, a baby cannot be adopted unless both parents give up their paternal rights. Because these adoptive parents no doubt know about you, it is next to inconceivable that they would allow this possibility for you to one day exert your rights and take away a baby. Many possibilities come to mind:

The whole family is "dumb as a rock" stupid
She lied to them
She lied to you
She lied on adoption papers
It wasn't yours to begin with
And that whole thing about telling everybody that the baby died? That's just weird and creepy. I would think that it would raise more questions than it answers. There's definitely more to this than meets the eye.

I think it's mine. One of the reasons we last fought was because she posted a picture of the kid on Facebook and it looked just like me, so everyone of our friends, congratulated me. I told her to delete the comments and deny me as the father to prove a point: that I really didn't want a baby from the start and that she should stop imposing.

She doesn't know that I know she lied about the baby. A common friend whom she trusted enough to tell, told me about it. She said she confessed she felt bad about lying about it to her, but that she had to do it because I threatened her and the baby, and she got tired of all the people asking who the father was. That friend doesn't trust her anymore.

Now it sickens me that she's living such an easy life. I heard she won an award and is developing some sort of software for pregnant women. I feel like it's all a farce to show me she's doing fine so she can make another entrance into my life.

February 8, 2016

Same thing with my husband.

His father was just a name too. Gladly, some years ago he legally changed it to his stepfather's (guardian's husband) name. Because that man was an actual man. So now we carry his stepfather's last name.

But there wasn't a legal adoption because his mother couldn't care for him, and then died. His biological "father" was completely useless (and still is) and pretty much pulled the same "didn't want a baby even though I was 23 having unprotected sex with a 16 year old unstable woman" crap. Hos attitude of "not really my son" contunued even after meeting the idiot when my husband was in his thirties. Even wanted to actively block my husband from meeting his other biological family like his grandmother etc. I'm guessing the ages are a little older here. Hopefully.

Glad your husband had a good man to step up for him! It shows there are plenty of ways to 'adopt' not all of which are official adoptions with severance of parental rights.

Also in the UK a man must have parental responsibility to be able to stop a legal adoption. Either named on the birth certificate or having been married to the child's mother (or he would have to apply for parental responsibility). In this case the OP if living in UK would not be on the birth certificate (father has to be present to sign his name) and he wasn't married to the girl) - she wouldn't necessarily need his consent to have the child adopted.

February 8, 2016

There's definitely more to this than meets the eye.

My theory is that she kept the baby. Hoping it would get me to marry her and support for her. It didn't work so she's abandoning the kid too. I asked all my female friends about this and they agree with me that that's what she did.

February 8, 2016

The responsibilty for that child's birth is exactly:

50% you.

50% her.

No matter how much you try to convince yourself that its all her fault, because she's a psycho, it still comes out as:

50% you.

50% her.

February 8, 2016

I think it's mine. One of the reasons we last fought was because she posted a picture of the kid on Facebook and it looked just like me, so everyone of our friends, congratulated me. I told her to delete the comments and deny me as the father to prove a point: that I really didn't want a baby from the start and that she should stop imposing.

She doesn't know that I know she lied about the baby. A common friend whom she trusted enough to tell, told me about it. She said she confessed she felt bad about lying about it to her, but that she had to do it because I threatened her and the baby, and she got tired of all the people asking who the father was. That friend doesn't trust her anymore.

Now it sickens me that she's living such an easy life. I heard she won an award and is developing some sort of software for pregnant women. I feel like it's all a farce to show me she's doing fine so she can make another entrance into my life.

Your life must be really boring waiting around for your ex to make an entrance back into your life. Spending so much of your time following what she's been up to and how she's getting on. It's a very sad way to live.

February 8, 2016

I think it's mine. One of the reasons we last fought was because she posted a picture of the kid on Facebook and it looked just like me, so everyone of our friends, congratulated me. I told her to delete the comments and deny me as the father to prove a point: that I really didn't want a baby from the start and that she should stop imposing.

She doesn't know that I know she lied about the baby. A common friend whom she trusted enough to tell, told me about it. She said she confessed she felt bad about lying about it to her, but that she had to do it because I threatened her and the baby, and she got tired of all the people asking who the father was. That friend doesn't trust her anymore.

Now it sickens me that she's living such an easy life. I heard she won an award and is developing some sort of software for pregnant women. I feel like it's all a farce to show me she's doing fine so she can make another entrance into my life.

YOU HAVE AN EASY LIFE.

You just got away without having to take any real responsibility for the mess you made.

You even said you would be supportive of her, then wouldn't show up for the emergency birth.

You haven't supported the child financially and deny it to your friends.

Your hardest challenge is ducking responsibility.

Boo freaking hoo. Seriously.

I can't believe that you'd even tell her to "stop imposing."

She posted hour child on Facebook and that's a "big imposition" to you? How tough.

At least she's doing something else with her life than whining about how things that aren't hard are "such an imposition."

Who the heck raised you?

February 8, 2016

My theory is that she kept the baby. Hoping it would get me to marry her and support for her. It didn't work so she's abandoning the kid too. I asked all my female friends about this and they agree with me that that's what she did.

At least you won the "Abandonment Race" eh?

But let's keep hearing what a piece of crap she is, because you're so morally and responsibly superior here because you said "But I don't wanna be a Dad! I don't wanna!"

February 8, 2016

YOU HAVE AN EASY LIFE.

You just got away without having to take any real responsibility for the mess you made.

You even said you would be supportive of her, then wouldn't show up for the emergency birth.

You haven't supported the child financially and deny it to your friends.

Your hardest challenge is ducking responsibility.

Boo freaking hoo. Seriously.

I can't believe that you'd even tell her to "stop imposing."
She posted hour child on Facebook and that's a "big imposition" to you? How tough.

At least she's doing something else with her life than whining about how things that aren't hard are "such an imposition."

Who the heck raised you?

I told her I really didn't want children from the get-go. And neither did she. She said she had plans and dreams of traveling the world. That;s why I was surprised she decided to keep the baby. I guided her to make a good decision and not just based on maternal instincts. But she made a lot of mistakes, almost lost her job, didn't take care of herself. She even posted the ultrasound of the baby and set it the post to public so that my now ex-fiance could see. She's manipulative and devious. Perfect for someone with her IQ.

February 8, 2016

I told her I really didn't want children from the get-go. And neither did she. She said she had plans and dreams of traveling the world. That;s why I was surprised she decided to keep the baby. I guided her to make a good decision and not just based on maternal instincts. But she made a lot of mistakes, almost lost her job, didn't take care of herself. She even posted the ultrasound of the baby and set it the post to public so that my now ex-fiance could see. She's manipulative and devious. Perfect for someone with her IQ.

Oh poor you - someone might have found out through the ultrasound picture. You do realize this is now a human life that is YOUR CHILD. It's a good thing you don't want kids actually.

Btw - you can't tell who a father is based on what it looks like. I hope to god you refrain from sex for a long long time.

February 8, 2016

I told her I really didn't want children from the get-go. And neither did she. She said she had plans and dreams of traveling the world. That;s why I was surprised she decided to keep the baby. I guided her to make a good decision and not just based on maternal instincts. But she made a lot of mistakes, almost lost her job, didn't take care of herself. She even posted the ultrasound of the baby and set it the post to public so that my now ex-fiance could see. She's manipulative and devious. Perfect for someone with her IQ.

If you don't want children don't have sex without a condom! You brought this on yourself.

Not that I believe your story anyway!

February 8, 2016

I told her I really didn't want children from the get-go. And neither did she. She said she had plans and dreams of traveling the world. That;s why I was surprised she decided to keep the baby. I guided her to make a good decision and not just based on maternal instincts. But she made a lot of mistakes, almost lost her job, didn't take care of herself. She even posted the ultrasound of the baby and set it the post to public so that my now ex-fiance could see. She's manipulative and devious. Perfect for someone with her IQ.

I'm glad your fiance saw the post. Good for her. Then she would be properly informed about how you deal with an unwanted, unexpected pregnancy.

Adults know that a verbal plan early on is NOT birth control and that birth control even has a failure rate. Even those with with low IQ know that.

Unless you were one of those kids who had to stand in the hall during sex ed, and seriously NO ONE EVER told you otherwise.....that's totally on you.

Your sperm is more virile than your "but we had plans to see India in the fall....."

February 8, 2016

If you don't want children don't have sex without a condom! You brought this on yourself.

Not that I believe your story anyway!

I figure that even if a thread isn't real, there's always someone that thinks that way that will probably end up reading it.

February 8, 2016

I figure that even if a thread isn't real, there's always someone that thinks that way that will probably end up reading it.

Yep me too which is the only reason I responded to the post originally.

February 8, 2016

You got her pregnant and let her down. Think about that. You can never begin to know what that feels like. Cannot believe that you told her your limits, that you wouldn't be there for your child. Regardless of your feelings about her it was your child. Please take a look at yourself.

February 8, 2016

I feel like she dropped the baby after realizing I would have none of it. Had her brother adopt it. Then when she sensed I was moving on, now tries to get me back.

It is easy to look at her behavior and say she is psycho. I could easily agree with you based on what you've said here. But really, that is being dismissive. She has been through some very stressful stuff and none of it was easy. You think she had the baby to manipulate you and she gave up the baby to manipulate you. Which is it? Because let me tell you, IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

Try to think about that for a little while. Really think about it over the next 24 hours.

Also:

Whatever difficulties that girl was having relating to you in a romantic relationship before she got pregnant were magnified 10 times over once she became pregnant. And from experience I can tell you that whatever her greatest fears, acting in response to that fear can actually make the fears come true. You don't know if she may have some slight cognitive disability and could not understand everything in the relationship or your motivations, or she may have been abused as a kid and has difficulty relating, or whatever. She obviously has had some very serious difficulties since you say she tried to kill herself once. You just don't know what a person is going through. Try to think of the other person first. Be empathetic. Be kind, understanding, non-judgmental, supportive, forgiving.

And yes, talk to a family law attorney, get tested to determine if that baby is yours or not, and establish your rights. Babies grow up to be people who usually come looking for their parents sooner or later. Do you really think it's right to not give a rat's ass about a human being that is your own, and throw them out like a piece of trash? Because when that kid gets older he's going to see your current behavior as exactly that.

So who exactly is the psycho in this story??

February 8, 2016

What I don't get is why she had to pretend the baby died. Even went so far as going on a leave at work telling our boss and co-workers that she was handling the baby's funeral. I also heard from friends that she had been fired, but was able to find another job. She's doing better, but she's lost a lot of weight and it on anxiety meds.

To her it may very well have been just like a death. If she had already tried to kill herself once, she was already vulnerable. And as we can tell from this story, being in a relationship with you has apparently now put her over the edge.

February 8, 2016

Also, talking to your GFs before your SO is not passive aggression. It's checking to see if you're justified or over-reacting. It's not personal.

Passive-aggression would be talking to the GFs, never telling you what's wrong, and then keying your car in retaliation for the perceived slight against her.

February 8, 2016

We've got one vulnerable person who has been through a very difficult life-hanging experience, and another who has no ability to empathise with her at all.

Yes, call her a psycho. That will fix it.

February 8, 2016

Do I respond to her email though? From the gist of it, she's apologizing for a lot of things and quote, "taking responsibility for her part in the breakup". I don't know if I should give her a chance given that she's lied about things.

Give her a chance to what? Spend more time in a relationship with you because the amount of time she already spent with you wasn't enough experience learning what kind of spouse or parent you would be??

February 8, 2016

Don't worry if you hear a loud bang.

Its just me ejecting from this thread.

February 8, 2016

Are you a teenager? You sound very young. Seems like both of you have serious issues. You both put each other through some crazy emotions. But who will suffer the most from this? Most likely the child who will grow up and one day ask, "Why didn't my mom or dad want me?"

February 8, 2016

I don't see anything else besides a selfish man, arrogant, irresponsible. Maybe she became a psycho because of you and all the stress and depression you put her through. Who are you to judge her that she is trying to help pregnant women? At list she is doing something good. She is getting stronger through resilience. How about you?

You don't care about anyone. You are talking about your new gf and considering giving the mother of your baby a second chance. That is a sign that the issue is within you and not that poor woman.

Seriously, you are criticizing her about the baby blablabla, according to your statement it is your baby. Soon or later, the kid will ask you where you have been. Please don't lie, don't say it was because of the mother. You should be in his life now. Please grow up.

February 9, 2016

Are you a teenager? You sound very young. Seems like both of you have serious issues. You both put each other through some crazy emotions. But who will suffer the most from this? Most likely the child who will grow up and one day ask, "Why didn't my mom or dad want me?"

We're both 35. But she's just as immature. She hasn't got her life in order. When I met her she was working in some call center with no savings, not even a decent wardrobe. When I saw her, her apartment was a mess, she was clumsy and kept losing her housekeys. She knows nothing about life, and all she talks about are her past relationships. She doesn't even know how to drive.

Because of her, I lost my best friends because they all supported her. I had to leave her because she was self-destructing. She even picked a really expensive hospital and I heard she's now in so much debt because of the baby. I gave her options and she assured me she would be okay and would deal with it herself. And when she found out she couldn't, I get to be collateral damage because of her recklessness.

I would've supported her through and through, if she had shown she could do it herself. That she wouldn't be angry at the kid for ruining her life. But she would often call me, crying and whining about how she was afraid she couldn't do it, which is disgusting because she was supposed to be this strong, smart, driven, ambitious, athletic woman. Her lack of confidence and conviction solidified my belief that she wasn't right for me. At least I had integrity enough to admit and follow through with my desire not to have babies.

Edited February 9, 2016 by rockstar_fly

February 9, 2016

I told her I really didn't want children from the get-go. And neither did she. She said she had plans and dreams of traveling the world. That;s why I was surprised she decided to keep the baby. I guided her to make a good decision and not just based on maternal instincts. But she made a lot of mistakes, almost lost her job, didn't take care of herself. She even posted the ultrasound of the baby and set it the post to public so that my now ex-fiance could see. She's manipulative and devious. Perfect for someone with her IQ.

This really made my blood boil. I too said I didn't want children until I became pregnant by a douchebag as yourself who did not want to support me. Pregnancy changes a woman. The moment I found out I was pregnant I felt an instrinsic need to protect and keep the baby. It's human effing nature which is not always logical! There is not a math equation to make this decision! And don't think for a second if she got an abortion she would act any different because she would carry a lot of emotion and weight about that too, possibly even more so. But anyways.... all things you wouldn't understand since you clearly lack empathy for other people....

February 9, 2016

This really made my blood boil. I too said I didn't want children until I became pregnant by a douchebag as yourself who did not want to support me. Pregnancy changes a woman. The moment I found out I was pregnant I felt an instrinsic need to protect and keep the baby. It's human effing nature which is not always logical! There is not a math equation to make this decision! And don't think for a second if she got an abortion she would act any different because she would carry a lot of emotion and weight about that too, possibly even more so. But anyways.... all things you wouldn't understand since you clearly lack empathy for other people....

Look, I'm not the only one who thinks of her that way. Even friends are tired of talking to her and hearing her act like a victim. Some of them have come to me asking about what went wrong. I told them the truth. Her best friend even decided to just leave her to her devices and for her to deal with things on her own since she never listens to good advice, she didn't listen when her best friends advised her to abort because she isn't financially capable of raising a baby, and that she's never grown out of the mindset she had when she was in highschool -- his words were: you dodged a bullet. And she can't get herself out of a rut. It's always her parents' fault, her boyfriend's fault.. anyone's fault but hers.

Oh and as for her letter, it reeks.

[link to private letter removed by moderation]

Edited February 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

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