PAP Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 Hi there i ll appreciate it if someone can give me some advice on the following, I ve met a girl though a friend couple of mine 4 months ago. For the last 4 months we all used to hang out as a group and we were all having so much fun. She used to initiate the gatherings and despite the fact she is living in a town far away of mine that didnt bother her of coming to meet us in our town. (she also has friends in her town so that was obvious she was making the effort) The chemistry was there and everyone was noticing that she was liking me. As i knew she was coming out of a breakup i didnt made a move and just let things come naturally. But i showed her my interest in a humorous way and also went for a dinner one day just the two of us. To be honest i was waiting for a trip abroad we organised the four of us to make a move. That was a fews days ago where i couldn't wait any longer and asked her why we are not a couple yet. Her answer was that she is not feeling it and at the moment she is not interested in a relationship. I told her all the signs she gave out and she told me that she was just enjoying our friendship. I asked her if she may feel something later and she told me 'maybe' but she doesnt want to give me hope. Well i told her i cant see her as only a friend and its better to cut contact when we are back from the country.She agreed and told me she understands. I am confused and really sad why she rejected me as i really thought she had feelings towards me. Do you think she may change her mind later on? Did i made the right decision of confessing or should i have given more time so her feelings to be more intense. To all the women what made you change your mind after you rejected a man? Did no contact helped or him keeping the friendship? Thanxs
smudge21 Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 First off, I respect you for sticking to your feelings and being honest that you couldn't just be her friend anymore. So many of us, me included, would hang in there, hoping that they'd come to us whilst slowly getting more and more depressed when they don't but we're with them every day. Now whether that makes her want you or come back I cannot say... neither can anyone else. No one knows what she is thinking or feeling, only she knows that, and I would bet that currently even she doesn't know. She may come back, she may not, but at least you've been honest with her and yourself. You may also get to a point where you no longer feel this way and then you can be friends again. Just see what happens and do what you feel is right for you. Don't try to second guess her.
bu2002 Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 You're likely in the friend zone with this girl. I wouldn't take the 'maybe' part to heart since she follows up with not wanting to give you hope, i take that as gently trying to let you down right now. It's possible your paths cross again since some mutual friends are in place. But there's nothing you can directly do to change her mind. Focus on other women. As far as what you should differently next time? If you know you like a girl, ask her out sooner than later. It's one thing if there's a girl that you initially didn't have an attraction to, but you organically get to know her over a period of time, and then have an "aha" moment where you suddenly see her differently. It doesn't appear this went down this way. From you wrote, I'm guessing you knew very early on after meeting her, that you were digging her. in the mean time, you let this friendship develop over time which sets a certain level of expectation and boundaries.
Author PAP Posted February 8, 2016 Author Posted February 8, 2016 Hi thanks for the replies. @smudge21 thanks for the kind words. It was very hard to tell her that i do not want to see her as a friend anymore but it hurts even more seeing her and not be able to hug and kiss her. I am wondering though if it was the best course of action given the fact that later on she may be ready for a relationship. Is it me not being in her life negative? I mean she will forget me eventually!! @bu2002 She told me that she didnt see me romantically when she saw me but how could she when she was going through a breakup? The thing that bothering me is that if i rush and didnt give her more time. I mean she was always looking for me asking about me etc. How is that possible if she has no feelings for me? Confused!!!!
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