whole_again Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 Here's the short of it. My ex of 12 years cheated on me and moved out. After a year I decided I would "bring home" a man I went to grad school with who was always very kind to me, not to mention beautiful and extremely smart & successful. Like partner of a firm successful. Little did I know he was hung up on someone else. I fell hard. And even though we haven't slept together for a year (it went on & off for a 3 years or so) I can't get over it. I can force myself to not talk to him for about three months and then something happens and I just miss him so much I reach out. Then we talk and he texts and we get dinner. And then at some point I say, again, how much I love him. He says, again, he doesn't want a relationship. I have acted crazy. Crying, trying to talk him into coming home with me, etc. It's clear as day. He does not want me. He cares about me and really cares about my family. And I think he doesn't' want to "abandon" me. But today I feel as hopeless and sad as ever. And it's not attractive to me or anyone. He basically said what made him "cross me off the list" of potential mates was my insecurity and neediness. He's so handsome and the majority of his friends are female. He could have ANYONE. Anyone. I'm almost 39 and I feel like my chances of finding someone to really build a life with is like next to nothing. I'm so confused. Am I obsessing over him because I think he's the love of my life? Am I scared? Is this just my anxiety disorder (I take xanax and an antidepressant)... All I know is that some days I literally can't do any work. I don't eat. All I do is try to avoid crying that I am not with him. And that he doesn't love me the way I love him. I know no one can help. I'm just trying to convince myself. HE DOES NOT LOVE ME. I have even thought of moving cities. I've thought of dying (I'm not going to hurt myself, don't worry) - I've just "wanted" to. And yes I talk to someone. My therapist basically said this was an addiction and if I didn't think of it like an addiction I'd die. The thing is, he doesn't deserve my love and I know that. I just have it in my head that I will never do better than him. I'm in misery.
Emaize3 Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 (edited) I know EXACTLY how you're feeling. I have anxiety. I see a therapist for the break up. I feel like dying but won't hurt myself. Nobody can help. I cry, cry cry because I lost my best friend. Edited February 8, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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