lollywollyx Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 Hi I'm 40 ish been dating a guy for 6 months long distance so have only seen on average twice a month. We met for swimming the other night and dinner whilst he was down working near me (work is always busy!). He said I don't expect you to come back but I have a single hotel room tonight (which sort of hit a nerve with me). Then he said "you are so lovely ... I just need to get through ..." and then feeling insecure from the previous comments I butted in and started talking rubbish. I have not heard from him since ... that was over a week ago ... no reply to my two texts and a call. We are usually in contact every few days but he makes contact very minimal. What do you think he was trying to say ... do you think he was trying to break up with me? Our dates have never been about sex, and i have been to his house a few times or away doing activities that we love. We get on well together but I have not been myself lately because of the minimal contact and not really knowing where I stand with him. 1
jen1447 Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 No idea what "I just need to get through" means but it sounds like he was inviting you back to his hotel to hook up. And you shut him down lol. So his lack of communication now is probably due to having gotten shot down and feeling like a dope/failure/turd/whatever. 2
katiegrl Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 Hi I'm 40 ish been dating a guy for 6 months long distance so have only seen on average twice a month. We met for swimming the other night and dinner whilst he was down working near me (work is always busy!). He said I don't expect you to come back but I have a single hotel room tonight (which sort of hit a nerve with me). Then he said "you are so lovely ... I just need to get through ..." and then feeling insecure from the previous comments I butted in and started talking rubbish. I have not heard from him since ... that was over a week ago ... no reply to my two texts and a call. We are usually in contact every few days but he makes contact very minimal. What do you think he was trying to say ... do you think he was trying to break up with me? Our dates have never been about sex, and i have been to his house a few times or away doing activities that we love. We get on well together but I have not been myself lately because of the minimal contact and not really knowing where I stand with him. You started talking *rubbish*? What does this mean? Define rubbish. With limited info, I'm inclined to agree with jen. 3
jen1447 Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 I think she means nonsense, like avoiding the topic etc. "Baby you are so awesome, let's bang it out!" "OMG I hate when the grocery cart has a busted wheel!" 3
katiegrl Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 I think she means nonsense, like avoiding the topic etc. "Baby you are so awesome, let's bang it out!" "OMG I hate when the grocery cart has a busted wheel!" Oh okay....and I now definitely agree with what you said earlier... OP you totally shot him down! Why do you think he was trying to break up with you? 1
joseb Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 So OP, am I right in thinking you recognised his suggestion of sexy time "which sort of hit a nerve with me" and didn't want to partake? 1
babycrapgreen Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 We are usually in contact every few days but he makes contact very minimal. What do you think he was trying to say ... do you think he was trying to break up with me? What a terrible feeling of "not knowing."... I will say from a good experience from myself and a good experience from friends that are guy's is that when they really like a girl they will never let her feel otherwise. And, the guy's that do make a girl feel that way, the not knowing where you stand feeling, are not emotionally mature or not that interested. This is just my guess in what he was thinking. It may not be true... 2
Author lollywollyx Posted February 8, 2016 Author Posted February 8, 2016 Thanks all ... he was making it clear that he did not want me to go back. I don't know if the single room was a lie or not but it made be feel insecure so I did not allow his to say what he was going to say ... not on purpose it just happened. 1
joseb Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 (edited) Thanks all ... he was making it clear that he did not want me to go back. I don't know if the single room was a lie or not but it made be feel insecure so I did not allow his to say what he was going to say ... not on purpose it just happened. Er, not sure why you would read that message from what he said. It sounded to me like he was inviting you back. As in he has a single room, he's not sharing with a work colleague or anything. Perhaps he did mean it as a brush-off (I wasn't there so maybe his body language led you to believe he didn't want you to come back) Edited February 8, 2016 by joseb 2
Toodaloo Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 OP its over. This is called "ghosting" he doesn't want to carry on seeing you but doesn't know how to speak up. Leave him be and move on. You have reached out already just let him float off. 2
elaine567 Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 He said I don't expect you to come back but I have a single hotel room tonight (which sort of hit a nerve with me). Then he said "you are so lovely ... I just need to get through ..." Note the BUT, I guess he did want you to come back with him. He said I don't expect you to come back but I have a single hotel room tonight (which sort of hit a nerve with me). Then he said "you are so lovely ... I just need to get through ..." ->>"Then he said "you are so lovely ... I just need to get through to you how much you mean to me..." but we'll never know now. If that was his intention then after 6 months dating and you turn him down so spectacularly, he is probably feeling mortified, embarrassed and humiliated. 1
Author lollywollyx Posted February 8, 2016 Author Posted February 8, 2016 He def did not want me to go back with him. I don't know if he was about to say something about work as it's busy or he was going to say has no time to be with me. So I don't know if his silence is because I shouted at him about work or because he does not want to see me again.
elaine567 Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 He def did not want me to go back with him. I don't know if he was about to say something about work as it's busy or he was going to say has no time to be with me. So I don't know if his silence is because I shouted at him about work or because he does not want to see me again. YOU shouted at him too??? I guess it IS over.
Author lollywollyx Posted February 8, 2016 Author Posted February 8, 2016 He def did not want me to go back with him. I don't know if he was about to say something about work as it's busy or he was going to say has no time to be with me. So I don't know if his silence is because I shouted at him about work or because he does not want to see me again.
jen1447 Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 Ok it sounds like we were probably getting the wrong picture initially. If your vibe was that he was trying to put you off, and now he's not talking to you or responding to texts and calls, then yeah he's probably in the process of ghosting. My guess is somehow this lack of sex has sth to do w/it ....if you've been seeing him LD for 6 months, twice a month, that means you've actually seen this guy only 12 times. Which seems like a small amount (calls and texts and Skype etc. notwithstanding), but it's probably enough for him to have wanted to get some sexy time in by now. Rejection sucks under any circumstances so sorry. It'll get better in time tho. (Maybe ask him for an explanation by text, which is the 'easy'way out for him. If he still doesn't reply, well he wasn't worth much investment anyway.) 1
Author lollywollyx Posted February 8, 2016 Author Posted February 8, 2016 I assume he would not go silent for over a week if I have offended him about work or he is thinking about things or just busy with work? He has kid from prior relationship and travels with work so does have limited time.
jen1447 Posted February 8, 2016 Posted February 8, 2016 I assume he would not go silent for over a week if I have offended him about work or he is thinking about things or just busy with work? He has kid from prior relationship and travels with work so does have limited time. Nope, no one legit goes silent for a week w/out being at death's door.
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