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I asked for divorce

Amillionpieces

By Amillionpieces
in Infidelity

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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

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Amillionpieces Established Member

Amillionpieces

Posted
Posted

After 24 years together (childhood sweethearts) I a

Had a 7 month affair. It was not discovered, I ended it.

 

I just asked for a divorce. Told him I am unhappy. Truth is I can't stay after what I've done.

 

He does not have any idea about the affair, I'm sure of that. I don't plan to tell him.

 

It will be months of logistics and I'm not sure what will happen with house and stuff but I met a real estate agent today and Started the process.

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

Posted
Posted

Maybe you can both have a good life now.

 

I sincerely hope so.

  • Like 3
Sastrugi Member

Sastrugi

Posted
Posted

So instead of fighting for your marriage. Admitting your mistakes and trying to fix what you broke. You quite.

 

I sure know that feeling... I sure wanted to quite. Happy to say I took the other route.

I got both my wife and i into IC, then marriage counseling. It has been almost two years since I was were you are at today. We have made great progress.

 

What was your husbands reaction when you told him?

 

S.

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

Posted
Posted

H is never gonna know the truth so this is the best route. You can't fix a marriage if one doesn't know what the problem is.

 

Best not to crush his soul with the betrayal and let him go. The sooner the better.

  • Like 2
Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

Posted
Posted

I would hope you could at least not blame it all on him.

 

Have some decency at least.

  • Like 1
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
After 24 years together (childhood sweethearts) I a

Had a 7 month affair. It was not discovered, I ended it.

 

I just asked for a divorce. Told him I am unhappy. Truth is I can't stay after what I've done.

 

He does not have any idea about the affair, I'm sure of that. I don't plan to tell him.

 

It will be months of logistics and I'm not sure what will happen with house and stuff but I met a real estate agent today and Started the process.

 

Your A will come out, he will dig and put two and two together. Your behavior, the manic up and down, he isn't stupid, and I'm sure he knows and has been waiting for you to come clean. This man has been your husband for many years, he knows you well and knew you were hiding something big from him.

 

Please reach out to your closest friends and don't isolate yourself during this traumatic time.

  • Like 1
amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted

If I were you I'd let him keep the house.

 

It's the least you can do.

 

And instead of saying "I'm not happy" why don't you say "I'm not committed". It's a lot more accurate.

Mrs. John Adams Established Member

Mrs. John Adams

Posted
Posted

I hope you take the high road... And are very fair with the assets you share.

When he asks you why you have been unhappy.. I hope you can assure him it was nothing he did... That it is all on you... And that you are deeply sorry for breaking his heart.

 

Because he will blame himself ... And you know the truth. If you choose not to tell your secret.. That's on you... If you let him believe he could have done something to prevent the divorce... That's also on you... And after 24 years you owe it to him to take responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship.

 

He will still blame himself... But at least you will have told him the truth... That you are responsible not him

katielee Established Member

katielee

Posted
Posted

tell him the truth - likely he knew SOMETHING was going on. Give him the gift of being able to trust his gut. He can then move forward in another relationship knowing he can trust himself.

He deserves to know why his marriage broke up. I don't understand not telling him.

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

Posted
Posted
tell him the truth - likely he knew SOMETHING was going on. Give him the gift of being able to trust his gut. He can then move forward in another relationship knowing he can trust himself.

He deserves to know why his marriage broke up. I don't understand not telling him.

 

Her pride means too much. The best you can hope for here is that she doesn't blame him for it.

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

Good job. I hope you all can move on with your lives in a positive way now.

 

I agree with not telling him, not blaming him, and being more than fair with the assets.

WomenWubber Established Member

WomenWubber

Posted
Posted

If your husband is any like the average BH in this site, he will discover the truth some(notverydistant)day. I hope he makes it through the world of hurt he will ultimately have to experience.

 

As for you op, hope you can live with the shame that you have brought upon yourself.

R.Gant Member

R.Gant

Posted
Posted (edited)

Well at least this will give everyone a chance to move on with their lives.

 

At least with D you may give BH the chance to be happy and not live a lie.

 

your planning on selling the house if he cant buy you out?

That seems to be the case here and in most others.

Edited by R.Gant
  • Author
Amillionpieces Established Member

Amillionpieces

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If your husband is any like the average BH in this site, he will discover the truth some(notverydistant)day. I hope he makes it through the world of hurt he will ultimately have to experience.

 

As for you op, hope you can live with the shame that you have brought upon yourself.

 

No I can't actually. I plan to make sure the shame never reaches my children.

amaysngrace Established Member

amaysngrace

Posted
Posted
No I can't actually. I plan to make sure the shame never reaches my children.

 

Shouldn't you have considered them BEFORE you slept around on their dad?

  • Like 1
  • Author
Amillionpieces Established Member

Amillionpieces

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Tapping out of this thread. It was a mistake coming here.

sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
Posted

You've made the right decision for all concerned.

  • Like 1
66Charger Established Member

66Charger

Posted
Posted

I have read many stories of those who cheat and true remorse will never happen, because deep inside a cheater is who they are.

 

Obviously, this isn't you. Your inability to reconcile what you did versus who you are, is not a detriment, but shows you have a conscience and deceit is not part of your character. Your affair broke you as a person. This tore into your soul. That, unfortunately, is the good in you. This is not who you are.

 

Your affair really did break you into a million peices. I have to agree, you should not tell your husband yet. There is no way you can heal this marriage without forgiveness and the person who must forgive and be forgiven is you. Once you forgive yourself, then talk to him.

 

My words may hold no significance on the OW forum, but I do sincerely wish you well and hope that one day you forgive yourself and go and sin no more.

  • Like 1
katielee Established Member

katielee

Posted
Posted

66 - a person with a conscious would not waste one moment of their spouses time by allowing him to remain uninformed.

  • Like 2
Mrs. John Adams Established Member

Mrs. John Adams

Posted
Posted

obviously...she has a conscience....

She may not be handling things the way some here think she should...

but her conscience is eating her alive...she is worried about her husband...she is worried about her children...

She knows what she did is wrong...she knows she cannot fix it...she believes she is saving her family by keeping her secret and divorcing.

She is choosing to handle this the way she thinks is best

 

I am not walking in her shoes....I do not know all of the details

 

But I certainly am not going to throw stones at her....after all I was a selfish cheater too...

 

Best of luck to you ma'am.

 

If you ask the moderators...they will lock this thread for you if you do not want your situation discussed any further.

  • Like 6
road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted

This BH will be divorced forever blaming himself for the death of the marriage because not only did his WW cheat on him she left him with a lie.

  • Like 2
Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

Posted
Posted
This BH will be divorced forever blaming himself for the death of the marriage because not only did his WW cheat on him she left him with a lie.

 

Unfortunately you are correct.

 

The truth should always matter but affairs/betrayals are always carried out in secrecy and darkness.

  • Like 1
still_an_Angel Established Member

still_an_Angel

Posted
Posted
Tapping out of this thread. It was a mistake coming here.

 

So sorry for your situation, asking for D does seem to be the best option. Hope it all turns out well.

  • Like 1
still_an_Angel Established Member

still_an_Angel

Posted
Posted
Shouldn't you have considered them BEFORE you slept around on their dad?

 

Water under the bridge.

  • Like 1
aliveagain Established Member

aliveagain

Posted
Posted

What advice should you give someone who destroyed her marriage and the life of security her children deserved to preserve her image? She's too much of a coward to face what she has done no matter who she hurts in the process. Imagine having to accept that your a lying, cheating coward. The truth will always come out. She'll convince someone she's worth the risk or she'll grow old with a houseful of cats. If your real and willing to face up to what you've done and want real advice that may really help you, come back otherwise, keep running.

  • Like 4
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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