Toodaloo Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 OP here is what I think you should do. I think you should get some food (a picnic or take away) go round to his house, stick a bow on his head then exclaim "now THAT is the very best present any girl could ever ask for" give him a great big hug and kiss and enjoy some time together. Money comes, money goes, but when someone works hard they will always be able to find a way to get back on their feet. That is something you just can not buy. Tell him that. Shrug off the lack of present and enjoy being with him.
Erdbeere Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 This is what happens when you have a society constantly beating into peoples heads that men are worth nothing more than their pay check and job/status. Enjoy what you've created girls. This post is needlessly hostile and offensive. Don't blame women for a culture men have created. Don't paint men as the victim of women. Men propogate the idea that such things determine their value. The poster here has a princess mentality, which is a negative trait, and I can understand why it drives her boyfriend away, but don't tar us all with the same brush.
Toodaloo Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 This post is needlessly hostile and offensive. Don't blame women for a culture men have created. Don't paint men as the victim of women. Men propogate the idea that such things determine their value. The poster here has a princess mentality, which is a negative trait, and I can understand why it drives her boyfriend away, but don't tar us all with the same brush. Is it really so negative though? Her boyfriend is broke and can't spoil her but wants to. So is it really all that negative? I don't think so in this case but I think it is important that she show her man that she appreciates him as a man. Linos attitude that he has shown is the result of men and women not having a clear defined sense of who they are as a gender and insecurity. At least that is what I think. Anyway and to be blunt, we have done the gender wars thing so many times on these boards that it just gets really boring. It is also not helping the OP to find a way to help her man feel better which in essence is the question.
Redhead14 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 We have been together for ~10 months, dated for a year before that. He doesn't typicallu have an avoidant personality, only when he feels like he failed somehow. He usually opens up after giving him space for a day, but now it's been a few days Are you aware of anything going on in his life that may be causing him stress -- job concerns, family issues, etc.? This is kind of an extreme reaction to the whole birthday thing. Just keep giving him space. You can reach out but in a light supportive way and don't mention any of this. Simply say, "we haven't talked in a few days, I hope everything is ok with you. I'm here if I can do anything." And, leave it to him. Just reach out once so he understands you aren't upset with him or anything in case he's just hesitant. If he's not usually avoidant, the fact that he was MIA a week before your birthday and now again, regardless of the conversations you've had, I'd say there's something else going on.
Author chowfun Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 OP here is what I think you should do. I think you should get some food (a picnic or take away) go round to his house, stick a bow on his head then exclaim "now THAT is the very best present any girl could ever ask for" give him a great big hug and kiss and enjoy some time together. Money comes, money goes, but when someone works hard they will always be able to find a way to get back on their feet. That is something you just can not buy. Tell him that. Shrug off the lack of present and enjoy being with him. Bow is an excellent idea! Omg! Thank you, it's actually very me lol
Author chowfun Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 This post is needlessly hostile and offensive. Don't blame women for a culture men have created. Don't paint men as the victim of women. Men propogate the idea that such things determine their value. The poster here has a princess mentality, which is a negative trait, and I can understand why it drives her boyfriend away, but don't tar us all with the same brush. Okay I've been staying silent because other people have brought it up, but you've clearly ignored it. I DO NOT have a princess mentality. I certainly DO NOT seek it and my family has not encouraged it. All assumptions on your part that is actually contrary to my posts. Read Httm's posts in particular too and give it a rest already.
Erdbeere Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Okay I've been staying silent because other people have brought it up, but you've clearly ignored it. I DO NOT have a princess mentality. I certainly DO NOT seek it and my family has not encouraged it. All assumptions on your part that is actually contrary to my posts. Read Httm's posts in particular too and give it a rest already. I understand why you'd now deny it, but, you appear to have forgotten your own original post. Let me help you: "I grew up very comfortable and, as the baby of the family, my parents and siblings treated and still treat me like a princess." Voila. Princess mentality.
smackie9 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Your BF is an idiot, and you should find a different BF that is more suitable....let him go because this whole situation has brought to light problems that are not going to go away. You both now resent each other.
Author chowfun Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 Are you aware of anything going on in his life that may be causing him stress -- job concerns, family issues, etc.? This is kind of an extreme reaction to the whole birthday thing. Just keep giving him space. You can reach out but in a light supportive way and don't mention any of this. Simply say, "we haven't talked in a few days, I hope everything is ok with you. I'm here if I can do anything." And, leave it to him. Just reach out once so he understands you aren't upset with him or anything in case he's just hesitant. If he's not usually avoidant, the fact that he was MIA a week before your birthday and now again, regardless of the conversations you've had, I'd say there's something else going on. I think knowing your business is losing money causes a ton of stress in and of itself. I think that alone would cause some men to cave, then it's compounded by the fact that he felt he couldn't "give me the world," so to speak, on my birthday the way he wanted to stresses him out even more. I don't think there is anything else going on, but that he has a lot of pride when it comes to finances and he is afraid he will lose me because of it (not gonna happen, at least not over just money!). When he first found out business was bad (that's another story) he wouldn't face me, but only for like a day or two! He also has a very giving personality so I think it hurts him that he couldn't.
Author chowfun Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 I understand why you'd now deny it, but, you appear to have forgotten your own original post. Let me help you: "I grew up very comfortable and, as the baby of the family, my parents and siblings treated and still treat me like a princess." Voila. Princess mentality. Nope. You appear to not know what princess mentality means. Let me help you: Princess mentality means I want my BF and the world to treat me as my family did. That is the very opposite of who and how I am, as I've said throughout this thread. Yet, you accuse me of seeking it? And nowhere did I state that my family encourages it, and my posts have suggested otherwise. Pure assumption on your part. I don't expect anything from my BF on my birthday other than his company. That is not me "denying" it. That is me stating facts next to all your assumptions.
Erdbeere Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Nope. You appear to not know what princess mentality means. Let me help you: Princess mentality means I want my BF and the world to treat me as my family did. That is the very opposite of who and how I am, as I've said throughout this thread. Yet, you accuse me of seeking it? And nowhere did I state that my family encourages it, and my posts have suggested otherwise. Pure assumption on your part. I don't expect anything from my BF on my birthday other than his company. That is not me "denying" it. That is me stating facts next to all your assumptions. Have you objected to your family treating you like a "princess"? Have you asked them to not do it, because it represents a horrid mentality, that is morally repugnant?
Author chowfun Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 Your BF is an idiot, and you should find a different BF that is more suitable....let him go because this whole situation has brought to light problems that are not going to go away. You both now resent each other. Thanks, yes I see where you're coming from, but this is literally the only issue we have and he treats me really, really well otherwise. That's why I want to fix it now so he/we deal better with it in the future. Why is leaving and finding someone else the immediate option? Also we do not "resent" each other. That's kind of a stretch and a huge word in to throw around regarding relationships.
Author chowfun Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 Have you objected to your family treating you like a "princess"? Have you asked them to not do it, because it represents a horrid mentality, that is morally repugnant? Irrelevant. More assumptions. Read posts. Also, find out what princess mentality means. I'm done with this.
Author chowfun Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 Is it really so negative though? Her boyfriend is broke and can't spoil her but wants to. So is it really all that negative? I don't think so in this case but I think it is important that she show her man that she appreciates him as a man. Linos attitude that he has shown is the result of men and women not having a clear defined sense of who they are as a gender and insecurity. At least that is what I think. Anyway and to be blunt, we have done the gender wars thing so many times on these boards that it just gets really boring. It is also not helping the OP to find a way to help her man feel better which in essence is the question. I agree with you. Except for the last sentence, lol that was a bit unnecessary, but I got a chuckle out of it. Thank you, yes my question is about how to make him feel better, which I know he has to do primarily on his own, and how to handle it.
Redhead14 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 I think knowing your business is losing money causes a ton of stress in and of itself. I think that alone would cause some men to cave, then it's compounded by the fact that he felt he couldn't "give me the world," so to speak, on my birthday the way he wanted to stresses him out even more. I don't think there is anything else going on, but that he has a lot of pride when it comes to finances and he is afraid he will lose me because of it (not gonna happen, at least not over just money!). When he first found out business was bad (that's another story) he wouldn't face me, but only for like a day or two! He also has a very giving personality so I think it hurts him that he couldn't. That may very well be true but we are telling you that this is an extreme reaction and that a man who pulls away so significantly in times of stress or difficulty is going to be a difficult partner to live with . . . Can you live with being cut out of a man's life whenever something is stressful? In a healthy, established relationship the man doesn't cut his significant other out the way this one did. If anything, they may take a day, maybe two or three tops to themselves to problem solve but they will keep you in the loop at least. If he's afraid of losing you, he's not going to go dark on you for a week prior and then days after. Just sit back and leave him to do whatever he needs to do. If/when he comes back, you clarify your position and tell him that he cannot cut you out entirely in the future. That's what will cause him to lose you not financial concerns. What's going to happen at Christmas time if things aren't better financially? He needs to grow up and face you and explain the situation and be upfront about it instead of hiding from you. That's what children do.
The Poster Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Your BF is an idiot, and you should find a different BF that is more suitable....let him go because this whole situation has brought to light problems that are not going to go away. You both now resent each other. Seriously? The guy made a mistake. It's more of a misunderstanding and miscommunication than anything else. OP, it's understandable you're upset. Just sit down with him when you get a chance and talk to him about it. Communicate with each other fully. Get a feel for where he's coming from and let him know where you're coming from. Talk it out so he understands for next time. There's no need to end the relationship because he did something wrong. People are always going to screw up and make mistakes. In every relationship. It's how those mistakes get handled and fixed that matter. If he treats you well, then you can get past this. Easily.
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