Northwestern1011 Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 If a guy doesn't mention seeing you again on the first date, is it a pretty good indicator he won't want a second one? Had the weirdest initial meet up ever with a guy from OLD. Definitely enjoyed him and found him really attractive but was very worried about over stroking his ego. Ended up being with him for hours. When he left, he hugged me (read: I've been sick so I don't blame him), but he never made a mention of wanting to do something again. Isn't that a pretty good indicator he doesn't want to see me again? I want to text and tell him I had a good time and would like to see him again, but I'm not sure if I should. 1
StBreton Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 Even if the guy does say "I'd like to do something again" there's no guarantee that he'll ever follow-up. It's really strange dating out there these days. With guys complaining about dating, what they don't realize is that many guys act without sincerity or respect...they make it bad for the rest of the guys. If I were you, send the guy a quick text and say you enjoyed meeting him ... if that is what is in your heart to do. Then...delete any of his texts and forget about him. If he does contact you again...great. I just find it better to delete and have no visual reminder. Out of sight out of mind. 3
bu2002 Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 I don't think I've ever tried to set up a second date at the end of a first. I don't think it's any sign he's not interested in you. That type of behavior is more common after a second or third date as both parties get comfortable with each other. Having said that, if there was a girl i was interested in seeing a second time, I've almost always followed up the next day. I likely won't ask her out again, but will continue the traction of conversation with some light and playful interaction. I'd ask her out again after i've had time to think about a time and place for the next date. When was your date? 2
Httm Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 Nope. That isn't an indicator. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with sending a nice text saying you had a good time. 4
Httm Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 Even if the guy does say "I'd like to do something again" there's no guarantee that he'll ever follow-up. It's really strange dating out there these days. With guys complaining about dating, what they don't realize is that many guys act without sincerity or respect...they make it bad for the rest of the guys. If I were you, send the guy a quick text and say you enjoyed meeting him ... if that is what is in your heart to do. Then...delete any of his texts and forget about him. If he does contact you again...great. I just find it better to delete and have no visual reminder. Out of sight out of mind. I think you are confusing guys with all human beings. Humans beings in genea are not all considerate or others. This is not unique to guys. 1
SwordofFlame Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 The problem with asking for a second date at the end of the first, is that it puts the woman on the spot. They'll usually say yes to avoid awkwardness even if they aren't sure or are leaning towards no. 1
Satu Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 "If a guy doesn't mention seeing you again on the first date, is it a pretty good indicator he won't want a second one?" No, it isn't. "Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow." - Shakespeare, 'Romeo and Juliet.' 3
Redhead14 Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 If a guy doesn't mention seeing you again on the first date, is it a pretty good indicator he won't want a second one? Had the weirdest initial meet up ever with a guy from OLD. Definitely enjoyed him and found him really attractive but was very worried about over stroking his ego. Ended up being with him for hours. When he left, he hugged me (read: I've been sick so I don't blame him), but he never made a mention of wanting to do something again. Isn't that a pretty good indicator he doesn't want to see me again? I want to text and tell him I had a good time and would like to see him again, but I'm not sure if I should. Yeah, that's a really good indicator, but not necessarily always true. Did you let him know that you would like it if you saw each other again? He took the leap to ask you the first time, so if you like him enough at that point, it's a good idea to give him a little encouragement. If a guy doesn't ask you at the end of the first date, you should just tell him you had a good time and would like to do it again. If you don't do it then, make sure you send a text saying that. And, then leave it to him to come back to you for another date. In you had this "date" more than a couple of days ago, I wouldn't text him though. Just let it be and let him reach out if he's going to. 1
Author Northwestern1011 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Posted February 7, 2016 It was today. And something comes back to me--I drove him to his car, from where I parked (much to my chagrin, because I haven't detailed my truck in 2 weeks and I look like I've been living in here. It's humiliating). Anyways In carrying on and he says something like, "why do you care what I think of if your car is cluttered? Would I be dating you, or your truck? Cuz I don't think things would work between me and your truck."
Redhead14 Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 It was today. And something comes back to me--I drove him to his car, from where I parked (much to my chagrin, because I haven't detailed my truck in 2 weeks and I look like I've been living in here. It's humiliating). Anyways In carrying on and he says something like, "why do you care what I think of if your car is cluttered? Would I be dating you, or your truck? Cuz I don't think things would work between me and your truck." Well that could be construed a couple of ways . . . I'm taking it to be amusing anyway. Just text him and say "Just wanna say I had a nice time, thank you, and I hope we see each other again soon. Sleep well". And, leave the rest to him.
Robratory Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 If a guy doesn't mention seeing you again on the first date, is it a pretty good indicator he won't want a second one? No, it isn't. If I want to see the girl again, I always arrange the second date on the first date, but I'll bet most guys don't.
Redhead14 Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 No, it isn't. If I want to see the girl again, I always arrange the second date on the first date, but I'll bet most guys don't. You are correct, most guys don't. However, it is what most women hope for and expect if they liked the guy. The problem is that neither one of them knows what the other is thinking and both are hesitant to take that leap. I always felt that since the guy took the leap to ask her the first time, she should reciprocate that "risk" by at least giving him the green light for another. It's give and take. Reciprocal from the start. However, if they ask you for a second date, they now know for sure, you're interested enough at least, and they don't ask for the third date at the end of the second, I just leave it to them and see if they do call for a third. I would make sure to say I'd had a great time again and give him a kiss. That's an indicator of your continued interest without "pressuring" by saying I'd like to see you again. They shouldn't need you to be as direct as after the first date. It's just a little escalation. 1
PogoStick Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 You are correct, most guys don't. However, it is what most women hope for and expect if they liked the guy. Like this guy who thinks its "powerful and mysterious" to leave a girl wondering. I'm keeping my stance that immediately securing the 2nd date is superior. So ladies, do you like a guy to ask for the 2nd date at the end of the first?
losangelena Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 Text him, OP. It doesn't ever hurt. It won't sway him one way or the other. 1
Versacehottie Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 "If a guy doesn't mention seeing you again on the first date, is it a pretty good indicator he won't want a second one?" No, it isn't. "Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow." - Shakespeare, 'Romeo and Juliet.' 100% agree. Guys are different and varied beings. They don't follow some prearranged script of what to do on a date. Actually I think it's most common that he is waiting for the sign from you in the form of a text that you had a good time and thanking him. Then he will ask you out for next time if he is also interested. There are two reasons you should send this thank you text: 1. It's the polite thing to do and shows you have manners and are appreciative of his effort. I think you should do this whether or not you want to go on a second date. 2. If you want to go on another date with him, you should ABSOLUTELY do it to show you are interested. Life is too short to not just take a "risk" that will have a great reward if it goes the way you hope. It's really not that big of a deal. This follow up text/thank you text from girl to guy after the date is much more of a "STANDARD" than what you are wondering, ie if he doesn't arrange a second date by end of first does that mean he is not interested. Not necessarily. But by not sending the thank you text, I think your non-action is likely to convey the same thing, actually more so since it is pretty standard now. Just send the text before too much time passes!!! good luck 2
xcupid Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 It's no indicator at all. If he's interested he'll contact you.
Httm Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 Like this guy who thinks its "powerful and mysterious" to leave a girl wondering. I'm keeping my stance that immediately securing the 2nd date is superior. So ladies, do you like a guy to ask for the 2nd date at the end of the first? I completely disagree. I prefer to let someone breathe and digest the first date, rather than put pressure on them on the spot. I will always text to make sure they got home safe though and that i enjoyed the date.
Erdbeere Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 I tend to be pretty straightforward. I say thanks when the date is finishing, expressing that I really enjoyed it (if I have), and also send something shortly after re-affirming my enthusiasm about having spent time together and thanks in general, or mentioning light-hearted from the date.
Philosopher Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 Since you say the date lasted for hours, then he must at the very least have enjoyed your company. If he is anything like me he would have ended the date within an hour or two if he felt the date was going badly. I would be inclined to interpret his comment about him dating you not your truck as a positive too as he specifically mentioned dating you.
newheart Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 I completely disagree. I prefer to let someone breathe and digest the first date, rather than put pressure on them on the spot. I will always text to make sure they got home safe though and that i enjoyed the date. I agree with Httm ... I actually don't prefer to be asked on the first date because it puts a lot of pressure - and I have accepted second dates that I would normally have not, because it was awkward to decline. OP, with my most recent experiences - I don't think this is any indication that he is or is not interested in seeing you again. My last two OLD that I met - #1 asked me on a second date while still on our first date (repeatedly saying that he wanted to see me again). I accepted, although I really didn't feel a connection at all. Then, 3 days later he sent me a bizarre text and disappeared, lol. #2 did not ask me out while on the first date. I sent him a thank you text when I got home. Next day, he texted me and asked me out again (this is my current BF). I say if you haven't already, like others suggested, send a text thanking him and letting him know you had a great time!
Sweetgirl28 Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 I have been in pretty much any possible scenario. I think a lot of it depends on what your instincts tell you. If you aren't sure what to think of him, i.e. he sent mixed signals during the date, this is probably not a good sign unless he starts calling and texting you afterwards.
Author Northwestern1011 Posted February 7, 2016 Author Posted February 7, 2016 It wasn't really a date. He had been wanting to meet me, and I couldn't. And then yesterday I told him, "well I'm going to ____ event. You can come if you want." So when he got there he told me, "oh I have so much to do today, I only came to meet you, I'm not going to stay long because I have so much I have to do." ....4 hours later. I texted him last night: "hey thanks for coming today. I had fun with you. You're interesting, cute and I'd like to see you again sometime." He replied a couple HOURS later: "I would like that too." And that was it.
Versacehottie Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 Hmmmm, well i would interpret that as "likes you, enjoyed his time but not super motivated for whatever reason". Ball is in his court. I'm glad you texted and what you said sounded fine. Don't read too much into it one way or another. You can only control what you do, not him. To me, you did a good effort, which is the whole reason I was advising to send the text. Now it's one day later and you have made all the normal effort required IMO. And ball is firmly in his court. Way better than sitting around wondering if he will get in touch OR after doing that for several days yourself sending a cloaked but yeah desperate text at that point. Doesn't that just feel better? As for the guy, he may just be unorganized about dating (lots are); still finishing up something/someone else or hung up on someone else; not fully realizing it was a date type thing; or possibly not feeling that much of a spark. Now you just be patient about him and keep living your life (with other guys and other social stuff). Usually guys at the very least will get curious about you if you are not chasing them but have acted interested and confident initially. I always think of it like planting seeds. The timing doesn't always work the way you expect but no harm in doing what you did. Good luck; I hope you hear from him soon.
Erdbeere Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 Hmmmm, well i would interpret that as "likes you, enjoyed his time but not super motivated for whatever reason". Ball is in his court. I'm glad you texted and what you said sounded fine. Don't read too much into it one way or another. You can only control what you do, not him. To me, you did a good effort, which is the whole reason I was advising to send the text. Now it's one day later and you have made all the normal effort required IMO. And ball is firmly in his court. Way better than sitting around wondering if he will get in touch OR after doing that for several days yourself sending a cloaked but yeah desperate text at that point. Doesn't that just feel better? As for the guy, he may just be unorganized about dating (lots are); still finishing up something/someone else or hung up on someone else; not fully realizing it was a date type thing; or possibly not feeling that much of a spark. Now you just be patient about him and keep living your life (with other guys and other social stuff). Usually guys at the very least will get curious about you if you are not chasing them but have acted interested and confident initially. I always think of it like planting seeds. The timing doesn't always work the way you expect but no harm in doing what you did. Good luck; I hope you hear from him soon. Don't attach meaning to text messages and chat messages, beyond what is written. Both will be our undoing as human beings trying to forge relationships. Wait and see what happens. Be enthusiastic. Remain hopeful. Be pleasant company. Control only what you can control, and don't put yourself under needless pressure over text messages and chat messages that may, or may not, mean more than what is written. 2
Versacehottie Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 I'm glad you texted and what you said sounded fine. Don't read too much into it one way or another. You can only control what you do, not him. yep:bunny::bunny::bunny:
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