Polar965 Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 I need help. I messed up and looked at his FB. He intentionally posts stuff about other women to make me jealous. It is a thing of his. I have now blocked him. I'm thinking about deleting my whole FB. He is so immature and I am so insecure. I need to heal and get over him, not keep going back for more. He knows my insecurities and uses them to hurt me. Tell me how not to contact him. the urges are so strong, and it is so counterproductive.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 Abort! Abort! Think about how much worse you will feel if you contact him. It will not bring you happiness; it will hurt you. You did the right thing blocking him. He sounds very toxic. 1
Author Polar965 Posted February 6, 2016 Author Posted February 6, 2016 Yes, Thank you. He is very toxic. We were very toxic...I did toxic stuff too, but he got pleasure out of watching me suffer and that is not good. I have such a hard time detaching, but this is not someone I should be clinging to. I will not contact him. I deleted my whole FB. That nonsense just makes me crazy. 1
Zapbasket Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 Think of your own dignity. If someone expresses the intent not to have you in his or her life, give them exactly that. Feeding any of your energy into someone who doesn't want you in his life is a waste of everything that you are about. Do you think you deserve for people to think you're fantastic and want to have as much relationship with you as they can get? If you don't, work on that. If you do, then do you see how chasing after someone who doesn't want you is a waste? Be better. Reach higher. And good for you for deleting FB. 1
Author Polar965 Posted February 6, 2016 Author Posted February 6, 2016 Think of your own dignity. If someone expresses the intent not to have you in his or her life, give them exactly that. Feeding any of your energy into someone who doesn't want you in his life is a waste of everything that you are about. Do you think you deserve for people to think you're fantastic and want to have as much relationship with you as they can get? If you don't, work on that. If you do, then do you see how chasing after someone who doesn't want you is a waste? Be better. Reach higher. And good for you for deleting FB. The thing is, he wants me. It was my decision. I know we cannot fix our relationship and we will just keep repeating the same patterns until someone ends it for good...I was that person, I need to be that person. Deleting my FB was a good step as I could tell from his posts that he was taunting me. He knows how to get under my skin, and he was succeeding. I will just be strong for now and hope it gets easier. I know it will. This isn't my first rodeo, sadly.
Zapbasket Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 The thing is, he wants me. It was my decision. I know we cannot fix our relationship and we will just keep repeating the same patterns until someone ends it for good...I was that person, I need to be that person. Deleting my FB was a good step as I could tell from his posts that he was taunting me. He knows how to get under my skin, and he was succeeding. I will just be strong for now and hope it gets easier. I know it will. This isn't my first rodeo, sadly. Good on you, then, for having enough self-awareness and dignity to bow out of what you realized was a toxic relationship. This shows you already have the kind of dignity and line of thinking to walk away from this situation and toward better things. You have done the right things, now you just need to continue to stand by your decision. Toxic relationship dynamics are the hardest to extricate yourself from. You should give yourself A LOT of credit for leaving. Next step is to focus hard on yourself. You won't move on to better things if you don't take the time to examine how you got into this toxic dynamic in the first place, and what role you played in it. If you're not already seeing a good therapist, do so. It doesn't mean something is "wrong" with you, but rather a sort of psychic "housecleaning" that will enable you to attract different and healthier in the future. Without doing this work, the likelihood is high that you will end up in another, similar, toxic situation. You don't want that. You obviously didn't want this guy and you left him. Walk the tightrope you stretched out for yourself between where you were and where you want to be; solid ground awaits you on the other side. 1
Author Polar965 Posted February 6, 2016 Author Posted February 6, 2016 Yes, I know I need to take time to heal. I really DID want this guy, but we have different ideas of what is appropriate in a relationship. Don't really want to debate too much, but he thought it was fine to hang out with all sorts of attractive single women and I'm just too old for that. He is too. Its actually kind of pathetic. I need to remind myself when I feel desperate to contact him: HIS ACTIONS ARE PATHETIC. anyway, thank you for your words of support.
Triggs1234 Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 Yes, I know I need to take time to heal. I really DID want this guy, but we have different ideas of what is appropriate in a relationship. Don't really want to debate too much, but he thought it was fine to hang out with all sorts of attractive single women and I'm just too old for that. He is too. Its actually kind of pathetic. I need to remind myself when I feel desperate to contact him: HIS ACTIONS ARE PATHETIC. anyway, thank you for your words of support. Your situation imo is very similar to what I went through. My ex and I were great but had a toxic ending and it was certainly difficult to get over her, but many months later I have. You learn a lot about the other person, someone you loved after a relationship has ended. You learn truly who they are. Sounds a bit narcissistic.
nauticalpoem Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 I use to virtually stalk my first fling constantly. After awhile I realized how terrible it was making me feel. I was hurting myself. So I used a Chrome extension to redirect certain pages to others. Like I redirected his fb page to a "how to stop being an *******" article and I redirected the fb page of the girl he cheated on me with to a "why you shouldn't sleep with someones boyfriend" article ... silly stuff like that. It was fun, and effective. 2
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