MikePage Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 Hello people! Hope yall doing great So.. As millions of others relationshp issues start: "My girlfriend went to the college" and met a handsome guy, and they talked like everyday for 2 or 3 months, they traded like 20.000 facebook messages (I snooped her once), she keep saying they were only friends but... In my mind i would never talk every day and excessively with a friend over facebook i mean ??? It just doenst make sense.. I keep ****ing getting pissed off everytime i remember that. Right now they dont talk anymore BECAUSE he got a girlfriend, who is actually kinda similiar-looking as my gf, like cute looking and ****s. Should i rly stay with this girl? I mean... Thats a disrespectful behavior, i kept telling her that was bothering the time that was happening, and she didnt respected it cus "he was only a friend". Tbrh that never escalated into more than a friendship for unknown factors where im not included. What should i do guys? Forget this bull**** and stay with her, or stick to it and ****ing move on?
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 College changes people & relationships. It's a new beginning. The person who goes off to school has their whole word opens up. Things & people who were once important in high school gradually fade into the background. While you & your GF may very well care for one another, your lives are moving in different directions as you head into adulthood. She walked a fine line & I have no reason to believe that she physically cheated on you with this guy but I suspect she was quite enamored. It would have been better if she gave you the clean break but at 18-19 that level of maturity is hard to come by. If you are hurt & that is understandable you also realize that things won't ever be the way they were when you were in the same school & seeing each other every day. Forget what she wants. What do you want? I think it may be good for you to explore what / who is next in your life. 1
Author MikePage Posted February 6, 2016 Author Posted February 6, 2016 I forgot to mention im sure she never cheated on me phisically, im 100% sure on this one. About emotional cheating well... I guess she kinda did.
Author MikePage Posted February 6, 2016 Author Posted February 6, 2016 College changes people & relationships. It's a new beginning. The person who goes off to school has their whole word opens up. Things & people who were once important in high school gradually fade into the background. While you & your GF may very well care for one another, your lives are moving in different directions as you head into adulthood. She walked a fine line & I have no reason to believe that she physically cheated on you with this guy but I suspect she was quite enamored. It would have been better if she gave you the clean break but at 18-19 that level of maturity is hard to come by. If you are hurt & that is understandable you also realize that things won't ever be the way they were when you were in the same school & seeing each other every day. Forget what she wants. What do you want? I think it may be good for you to explore what / who is next in your life. Thank you for worrying with my issue Donnivain. You made some pretty good points there for me to reflect about. Im just not sure if i can live with that uncertainty of what really was in her mind...
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 Im just not sure if i can live with that uncertainty of what really was in her mind... That is your answer. You can't be in a relationship if you don't trust the person & you worry about what she thinks or how things will play out with the next guy at her school while you are home.
Wewon Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 Having going through and witness the college transition of relationships there are few lessons that I can pass, although it sounds like you are well on your way: 1) Boundaries are important. I would say that a SO that has good boundaries and knows how to enforce them is pretty crucial. Constantly cutting slack for odd behavior, putting themselves into cagey situations, and making exception after exception speaks to maturity and in some cases building a sense of plausible deniability. The most common two expressions of a 20-something seems to be "One thing lead to another" and "It just sort of happened". People that have learned the power of good boundaries rarely make those statements. 2) A good SO doesn't make you worried or uncertain. They actually care how they make you feel and how their behavior looks to you. Yes, you want to understand them and know their limits, but none the less, they shouldn't create a scenario that can look worrisome and expect you to ignore it simply on the power of them being a "good" person. For example, my wife doesn't have any male friends that she entertains that way. 3) A lot of people hate, hate, hate, being alone for any amount of time. They may not want to cheat, but they would rather dance in the gray area morally than be in the gray area romantically. This is when you will learn about the monkey swinging from branch to branch mentality. The point is, clean breaks are rare until about the age of 28 or so. And one of the best methods of transitioning from branches are "friends", neighbors, and coworkers. Not telling you what to do, but simply saying that there are some lessons to learn and to look out for.
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