A year later and I still hurt...man it SUCKS!!!!!!!!

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

I have posted here before but i do not recognize alot of the same people here so i guess im new to alot of you all. Anyways today is a tough day. It was the day that my ex broke up with me. It was a year ago and it still hurts like hell. i have not moved on and i still think about her everyday. We had contact fow awhile, minimal contact. Then i got a card from her telling me all sorts of stuff. Telling me she really realizes now what a great guy I was and all that stuff. She said she would call me and all but never did. I gave up on the fact that I will every speak to her. We did not end things on bad terms or anything. It was a long distance relationship. We both lived in the same state but about 7 hours apart. It just got hard and all my insecurities of being in a long distance relationship crept up on me and i screwed things up. A year later not a day goes by that I dont hate myself for how i acted. Dont get me wrong i treated her great, like the princess she is. It is just that I could never accept that she loved me and wanted to be with me and me alone. Long distance sucks.

 

 

I have dated other girls but no one compares. I know comparing is the wrong thing to do but i just cant help it. our old songs come on the radio and its hard for me not to get teary eyed. All my other exes still call from time to time, but this one never does anymore. She has a different cell phone number so i cant call her. I wrote her a small simple letter after i got the one from her but i got no reply. She recently moved to nebraska so she is about 10 hours from me and i dont have her new adress. I sent the letter to her old one but who knows if she ever got it. I just wish i could talk to her. See how she is doing and how her family is. I was very close to the family too. Its just really hard.

 

So how to you contact someone that means the world to you. Im sure she has moved on and maybe doesnt think about me anymore. I hate to think it but it could be the case. I was once told that if you treat someone great and love them with all you have that they wont forget. Who knows if that is true with her. Does anyone have any stories about getting in touch with a lost love years down the road? I know that we will never get back togther but i still would love to hear from her. They say that if you are meant to be with someone then it will happen but its been a year now.

 

I guess im just writting because i kinda down and looking for answers. It still hurts like hell. I would travel to the 4 corners of the earth to find this girl. I would do anything for her still after a whole year, my feelings are that strong. So if anyone can help me with some of my questions and help me with a way I could maybe contact this girl, let me know. Share some stories of getting in contact with a lost love. It doesnt even have to be a second chance story, you know? Thanks

[superfabulous]

Hey, I dumped an ex-finance of 10yrs....took 3 good years to get over and didnt think any of the men were worthy or as interesting as my ex- i dumped him but not cuz i was out of love,it was a moral issue among other things...anyway its been 4 now and the past one I met one man that met my needs and exceeded my expectations sexually, phsyically and on all the days and nites together spiritually, He dumped me w/out saying a word...read up- i was thinking of a letter but I am not sure....

 

basically if you have not spoke in a year and your in other cities, thats good reason to push yourself to move on. I lived down the street from my ex-talk about hurting...

 

there are great women out there. u just need to give up that hope and run with some new ideas and new women - let them in but if you still need time to heal take it-however you only have one life to live and I hope your hurry up and get your groove back, have some fun!

[Marshbear]

You must really be into pain!!! The time is now to change your thinking about your wonderful ex ( who doesn't want to be with you ) and find that person who loves you and is with you. Obsessing over this gal is not healthy. If you can't get over it and you want people to write in and share their stories of lost love then you need to seek counseling. Do you think she is still wishing she is with you? I doubt it. Wake up man. Life is passing you by and you are caught up in a fantasy world that is soooo much better than reality that you don't want to leave it. You have to want to heal to move on. You do not want this and you think by thinking about her she will realize her mistake someday and you will be there to welcome her back. That is such B.S. Do you think you can never love another person? Believe me, you can. But you have to make that choice to let her go so you can find a better person for you. Let it go, bro. Stop the pain. It is the only way.

 

 

 

Peace...

[WantanS4]

There's too many people in this world......... and most of these people don't know themselves. This, I believe, is the reason things of this sort happen to many of us.

 

These people who we fell in love with... don't exist anymore... they're gone... blown away in the wind..... flammed up in the fire... POOF!!!! Gone.................

 

All we have now is satisfaction that we were conscience of what was going on... what it meant.... and who we were.

 

I remember speaking to you a long time ago kodiak.......... and I was sorta in the same boat........ until about 4 weeks ago........ I then realized...... "Hey....... it's been a year... and I'm still thinking of this b!tch......... why??? ......... am I that pathetic?....... Did I need her that bad???" I made her better........ I was the edge in the relationship....... she... as my friends describe her...... was a "STIFF".......... and I realized it was true..............

 

So think hard Kodiak..... think hard......... put your feelings aside...... and think hard about what that person....... did....... and what they failed to do in the end.

[greenhorn]

Hey Kodiak,

 

Don't ask why but I can understand your pain ? I know that you feel strongly for your ex and she was the most wonderful person you have ever met. That is a fact but is that relevant to your life now, a person may be wonderful but what good is that if that hurts? You need not to think about a good person but what you need is love and the person who gives love to you is wonderful.

 

you need to think in this way, that there are many wonderful person but we might not be able to date them however we might wish , they may be our friend's gf or might not be single so take her same way. Just let go your past and from fresh perspective think that what you need is not what she can give.

 

I don't say that you forget her or don't think about her, especially since you both didn't break on a bad note. Give her a place in your heart, but as a GF you need to find someone else.

 

I wish you peace and happiness.

[debs]

Kodiak.....

 

From a females perspective I can understand your pain.

 

Although my exH left 15 months ago it has taken me this long emotionally to get on with life! I just refused to allow anyone to see how much pain I was in!

 

I had to function, I had to work and I had to live some sort of life until I could come to grips with all of it!

 

Oh I went through the motions of dating just to pass the time but sorry I found no attraction physically to any of the men!

 

I traveled and met people but No that didn't settle my emotions either!

 

But just when I thought all was lost on me emotionally and I would be like this for a long time, The sun came out and now I can actually talk to my exH without wanting to kill him! It just doesn't matter anymore!

 

Don't be so hard on yourself! Some of us take more time to deal with all the feelings running through your heart and brain! Your heart won't forget but it will become a distant feeling!

[moon]

I was once told that if you treat someone great and love them with all you have that they

wont forget

 

I like that one. I am feeling down today too. Let's see it's been since the end of October since my break up. You didn't mention if your ex left you for somebody else. Mine did. I am going to be a whinner today. I made the big mistake of going to a psychic yesterday. She was a good one that I went to some years ago and was right on about a lot of things. She told me that my ex very easily goes from women to women. He used me for my energy and healing (he was a problem child when I met him). She said he's masking the pain he has for our break up by putting all his energy into somebody else. She said I should thank this new girl because I would have never left my ex because he did have a good heart, despite ALL his problems and poor treatment from time to time But who was I, I was always wisking off to some new country and leaving him behind. The psychic told me my ex and I have had many lives together and that in this life it's like we are needing to separate for me (and possibly him) to accomplish what we need to do. She said I have many things to accomplish. She said my ex lacks the real ability to have true intimacy and that even a new woman will sense and know this early on. In the end he'll run from any new relationship because he had a problemed childhood and doesn't trust himself in relationships. He has to sabotage them. Why did he and I keep each other in our lives for four years??? My God if he was going to do what he did to me I don't get why it wasn't so much sooner. I don't get it at all. I knew he was so into me....that I didn't think he'd leave and then when I least expected it bang he hooked up with somebody new.

 

So this all was hard to hear from a psychic. And I too am having a sh*tty day. Not to mention I am leaving the country again in three months for a few years..................and I need to resolve this tension in me about the situation. But I ran from it and have no real answers. I need to let it go, but damn it, it hurts when somebody leaves you for somebody else. Break ups are hard enough, but the replacing thing JUST SUCKS. I still feel this way even today. I don't like to be replaced. I don't like it. But I did treat my ex with so much care (during the relationship) so I like that quote you said OP........hopefully that'll at least be remembered in the end, because right now he seems to be only thinking of himself. I don't want to date him again.........I just want him to acknowledge that he hurt me. I know......it'll probably never happen, but it's such a wish of mine. I want an apology!!!! Damn it. I invested so much in that relationship and never got much in return. Shame on me, huh. See so..........you aren't the only one Kodiak. I think I'm just having a bad day and I feel like my ex just keeps sticking it to me.....with mental telepathy or whatever.....he's driving me crazy. BASTARD.

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody-

 

Thanks for your all replies. I guess there are alot of people in the same boat as me. I wish more than anything that i can forget about this girl and just accept that it is over and I will probably never hear or see her again. Well I know that it is over, for christ isakes it has been a year now. I guess i want to be able to hold a picture of her in my heart and remember the goodtimes without getting so sad. Today for example i woke up and was feeling so ****ty. Last night i had this dream about her and she looked so beautifull. More beautifull than I have ever seen her before. It killedd me inside!!! I was dreaming that ofcourse we were talking about getting back together. I have these types of dreams atleast once a weak. Talk about feeling ****ty when you walk up. So i got ready for work and went on with my day. Thats all i can do, you know?

 

The part that scares me the most is that what if i can never get over her? what if she was my soulmate but im not hers? I have dated but nothing comes close. I mean it was a year relationship, I need to get a hold of myself. Like MARSHBEAR put it need to wake up, toughen up and forget about her, shes not coming back to me.. Why do exes keep in contact with you and send letters and so forth, then just forget about you like you died. I cant figure it out. It hurts because all the time i thought that i meant something to this girl i guess that once you break up you are nothing. Why did i have to get that stupid EMAIL from her telling me all the stuff that she did. Didnt she know that it would just screw with my head. Maybe one of my buddies sent that email as a goof on me because they thought it would be funny. When you work construction with a bunch of guys they eat you up when your heartbroken.

 

Anyways i guess i will never know what shes up too. I wish that one day out of the blue i will find her again. (like elton johns song "Someday out of the blu") By the way thats a great song that makes you think about second chances. I would love to hear from her again!! I jsut wish that we could be friends. I wish that I had her number so that i could call her or her adress so i could send her a card on her b-day. I would love to be part of her life only if that means just being friends. I want to be able to say congradulations on a new job or wish her a happy bday. I would love to give her my best on her wedding day when that happens, and so on,.....I guess im just having a tough time moving on. Thanks to all of you on the shack that have helped me over these last months. I appreciate all yor eplies and I will always be around to help you all when you need it. Thanks again......

[TMonkey]

Kodiak:

 

I'm going to break form here, and probably catch flack about it.

Did you REALLY end on a peaceful and respectful note with her?

Was either one of you used or hurt?

 

Because, I feel like it might be worth it to you to find her and try one more time. Could you contact her again? Could you find out where she is?

 

If you could really go to the four corners for this girl, go. You won't regret trying, although you face a possible painful rejection and final outcome you won't like. But you will have the saitsfaction of truly trying.

 

And maybe you'll be one of the very very few happy endings we hear about.

[outdated]

Originally posted by TMonkey

Kodiak:

 

I'm going to break form here, and probably catch flack about it.

Did you REALLY end on a peaceful and respectful note with her?

Was either one of you used or hurt?

 

Because, I feel like it might be worth it to you to find her and try one more time. Could you contact her again? Could you find out where she is?

 

If you could really go to the four corners for this girl, go. You won't regret trying, although you face a possible painful rejection and final outcome you won't like. But you will have the saitsfaction of truly trying.

 

And maybe you'll be one of the very very few happy endings we hear about.

 

Normally, I wouldn't agree with this, but in this case I do. You need some sort of closure man. A year later? No offense, but this is obsessive. There's no reason why you should be hung up on this girl still. If she loved you, she would come back, but she hasn't. You need to stop living in the past. There's a world of women out there. Please move on, I'm begging you. This is destructive thinking. YOu may think that she's "the one" but she doesn't think that, so you need to find someone that will. Good Luck, Kodiak, i don't mean to sound so harsh, but really, move the f*** on.

[whtelightn]

Normally, I wouldn't agree with this, but in this case I do. You need some sort of closure man. A year later? No offense, but this is obsessive. There's no reason why you should be hung up on this girl still. If she loved you, she would come back, but she hasn't. You need to stop living in the past. There's a world of women out there. Please move on, I'm begging you. This is destructive thinking. YOu may think that she's "the one" but she doesn't think that, so you need to find someone that will. Good Luck, Kodiak, i don't mean to sound so harsh, but really, move the f*** on. :

 

I disagree about the obsessive. If the kodiak is in pain, he is in pain. I am in the same boat.

 

The saying there is plenty of women out there. Sure there is but again when you date it is impossible to give to the other person 110 percent. Sure it will take your mind off your ex a bit but then it comes back. I think it is easy for some people to let go but then it takes a long time for other people to move on and give 110 percent and you will be comparing this person to your ex.

 

There was a poster who stated some day she will realize she made a mistake. Sure she will but it is other peoples opinion they don;t believe it but almost all exs do see they made a mistake.

 

So Kodiak, I know how you feel. It is hard, and you will have bad days. Even if you keep busy you will still be thinking about her and it is hard. Just hang in there I am sure it will go away evenutally but when is the question.

[kodiak]

Hey Everybody,

 

First off thank you all for the responses. I got a lot of good positive feedback that I promise I will take to heart. Sure some of it is harsh but its probably the right thing to do at this point. I know that I need to toughen up and move on. A few months moping in my beer is ok but its been a year now. Im sure that most of you think that I am crazy. I dont blame you. It all just sucks so bad, you know? I mean these constant re-occuring dreams that I have I cannot control. I dont go to bed at night and pray that I have one of these wonderfull dreams about my ex. I do the exact opposite, but it never seems to work for me..lol.. I guess im just miss her. I know that I will always miss this one and that is ok. The problem is that im still inlove with her. After a whole year and only a year relationship. I thought that I was inlove with exes before this one but after meeting my current ex, i know what true love really was. I try to think of all the times that she mad me mad or siad mean things, it doesnt help. I try to think that she left me because she never loved me and met someone better which i dont belive was the case, that doesnt help either. I guess im just at a loss for words, my friends.

 

I went to see a shrink a few months after the breakup and it helped me but at the time she was still calling me. Then i heard nothing for months and out of the blue i get that damm letter from her. I promise that if i never got that i would be doing alot better. Sure I would still miss her but that fact that she said she realized alot of things now, hurts me. That makes me think that maybe a some point she realized that I was a great person and that she regrets breaking up with me. She talked about how she saw a movie that reminds her of me and makes her think about me. ****!!! for all I know she was just being nice but to get a letter out of the blue like that really jacked with my head!!!! I hope you all can understand where Im cominf from with this.

 

Anyways to answer the question. If I could find this girl i would but i dont know where to start. I feel that If i look her up and that letter was just a stupid thing she did, i would feel like a complete idiot. She sent it to me just after she moved so there was no return adress so i could not send a letter to her. i wrote back and sent it to her old adress but who knows if she ever got it. i just dont know!!!! If you all have any suggestions besides just sacking up and moving on let me know. Maybe down the road our paths will cross. I guess if shes the one that I am suppose to be with then fate will make it happen.

 

Thanks for all your replies, but the nice ones and the harsh ones. It means alot to me that you people that I have never met before, care enough to give me your input. It is greatly appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1