Need some

[noneck]

Me and this girl (L) started dating in December. A friend introduced both of us. We hit it off hard and fast. December was great, we became an item near the end of the month. Some background she has a 4 y/o and 6 y/o, diff baby daddies. (J), who is the father to her daughter, totaled his car right before we met.

 

We had some small tissles about this or that, and that I'd talked with a co-worker of hers and told him we were dating. He supported it saying she needed someone good. When I told her she lost it and we had a fight. I ultimately apologized, got her flowers etc.

 

We went to dinner and a movie, she told me her ex's never took her anywhere nice and she was very happy. We had a great weekend together.

 

She bred her pit bull which gave birth on January 5th to 7 pups; she also has an English bulldog (9 total dogs). Since that day, she's been extremely stressed and our time together was down to 1 day a week (usually Saturday night into Sunday).

 

She told me she'd dated guys and her ex-(J) gets very upset when she does. He always tries to break her up. She told me she had cheated on guys with him before.

 

Throughout this all (post puppies ) she told me she was stressed. Then 2 weeks ago her ex (J) broke up with his girlfriend who was giving him rides to work since his car was jacked up. So she had to give him a ride at 3:30 am, and then pick him up at 2:30 pm and take him home. She had to drop her kids off around 8:30 am Mon-Friday and on the weekends, the kids stay at their dads.

 

I really have fallen for this girl, hard, harder than anyone ever.

 

So last weekend we had a fight over her canceling plans Saturday. She is a stripper, and called me Saturday night saying she had been mean to me lately and wanted to dance for me at the club with another girl. I told her I only wanted her, but she insisted so w/e. We all hangout a bit, I try to split the cash evenly, but I messed it up because the other girl wanted a drink. So she threw a fit after i'd left, with the agreement we'd meet after work. So I went got more $, and she came over to my house to talk. Her justification for wanting $ was she was down to 2 instead of 4 days at work and she spent half the night hanging out with me and she needed $. Money had never come up before this. We talked about things a bit, and how we could move forward. I'd been seeing a therapist and we talked about ways to strengthen things.

 

Around 4 she wanted to sleep at her house and wanted me to driver her car home. I went over. Her dogs had crapped everywhere and she blamed me. I offered to help and she screamed at me to just stay downstairs. So I did. So after being yelled at for like 20 mins, I told her I was going home that me being there was only upsetting her. I went outside and called an uber. She came out told me to stay. Stayed the night and all was right again, we had a great night and next day together.

 

Then Mon-Tues-Wed (last week) she called every night and it felt good. We talked, we laughed, we made plans for the upcoming weekend. Then on Thursday she didn't respond to any text.

 

Friday she did a little bit and told me she was dropping her kids off so she could work. I texted her after my work asking what she was up to. She said at home. I asked why she didn't work. "wtf how can I work with the kids". Ultimately she threw a fit, and I wished her good night. She told me Wed night she had dinner with her ex and the kids. She also told me he told her he wanted to give it another try.

 

Friday apparently she gained a dog for the weekend, her friend had to run out of town, and that dog was fighting with her dogs, and she had a mess on her hands with keeping the dogs away from each other.

 

Saturday I text her "good morning", no reply. Asked her what she was doing. She told me she was busy, and I expect too much from her. Then that night she talks a bit, tells me she went again to dinner, a movie with (J) and her daughter, and she did laundry. She mentioned he was doing laundry too. I (mistakenly) assumed he was there so I asked if he was over there. She typo'd and said he is there; I asked if she was back with him, she said he isn't there it was a typo. She called me crazy and said she didn't have time for my drama.

 

Sunday I text her good morning, another no reply. I ask her if she has time to get coffee. She says she doesn't because she has ten dogs and has to work. Then she accuses me around 7 of cheating on her, because why else would I question her and (J). She throws a low blow saying no wonder my mom left when I was born.

 

So I go to the club where my best friend is the manager (the one who introduced us), we talk outside the club because he told me she came in early. So I do my best to avoid her. She comes out mid-convo with him and one of the door guys that came over to find out what was wrong. So she sees me. Then she texts me accusing me of checking up on her, and "talking crap" to her coworkers trying to ruin her rep. She tells me shes done because I'm clueless and I don't respect her boundaries. She then blocks me on Facebook.

 

She tells me she will come by Monday morning to get her stuff and bring back mine.

 

Monday 5 am she calls me and asks if she can come get her stuff. I tell her no because I'm sleeping, and have to be up in a few hours. She gets quiet, so I ask her if she really wants this to end. She says she doesn't know. Then she wants to know more about why I came to the club, then attacks me for not respecting or being understanding. Finally, she tells me she has to go and hangs up. A text follows "Stay the (F) out of my life, you have a big mouth."

 

I tell her to knock it the (F word) off and go to bed. 25 messages come thru, where she attacks me, but I sleep thru it.

 

10 am she tells me she will get the stuff later this week. She goes on to talk about how shes done, and I don't help her and don't respect her.

 

Noon she talks about her friend and how stupid she was for bringing her dog over and it causing problems.

 

Monday night I tell her goodnight, and she replies "I don't want to be nice to you right now."

 

Tuesday I ask her when we can talk about things. She replies "My dog's teat is infected, I'm tired, You're not a priority right now. Suck it up and be a man" I tell her I understand all that, when she is ready I want to talk about fixing things.

 

Tuesday night she says "nite", I reply with Goodnight (L)

 

Wednesday she doesn't say anything, so I text "I hope your day is going ok"

 

Thursday she still hasn't said anything, so I ask "Is there anything you need."

 

And that's it, so far she hasn't said anything since the 'Nite'. I've had feelings I've never felt with this girl. She still hasn't came for her stuff, or returned mine, and I'm at a loss. Her mom reached out to me asking when I was gonna come over, so I mentioned me and (L) were having problems. The mom thinks (L) is too stressed with her kids, the puppies, and being taxi for her ex. And that she hopes we work it out.

 

I guess that's my story, is there anything I can do to patch things up? Or at some point get an answer whether she does want it to end. I thought about flowers, but i've heard that can backfire.

Edited February 6, 2016 by noneck
(editing title missing word advice)

[foam12]

After a short time and all of that drama I would move on. The main reason is it has only been a month or so and there is a lot of drama when it is supposed to be the honeymoon stage. It sounds like there is more with the ex and if there isn't then you will be dealing with him in her and her kids' lives throughout your relationship and that sounds like its an issue to you. I understand you like her but think there are many of us on here that wish we would have known or walked away sooner.

[noneck]

After a short time and all of that drama I would move on. The main reason is it has only been a month or so and there is a lot of drama when it is supposed to be the honeymoon stage. It sounds like there is more with the ex and if there isn't then you will be dealing with him in her and her kids' lives throughout your relationship and that sounds like its an issue to you. I understand you like her but think there are many of us on here that wish we would have known or walked away sooner.

 

Things got derailed when her dog had puppies. Before that it was the honeymoon stage, things were a little rocky, but once her ex manifested the problem of needing a ride to work that's when my time with her went to 0.

 

The dogs go away after V-Day (they'll be at an age she can sell/adopt them out)

 

I accepted the fact her ex's will be in her life, co-parenting has to happen. What is an issue to me was when she told me she was too busy, but then tells me how she spent Saturday with him.

 

In retrospect I needed/need to be a bit more understanding about her commitments and such.

 

I've walked away in the past, but no one has ever made me feel the way this girl does. She said a lot of hurtful things in the fights, but it hasn't changed how I perceive her. I hate to use the L word so early in things, but it's the only explanation I have why this one is different, and so very hard to let go.

 

She kept communicating early in the week, but now it's dropped off. idk if she's just focusing on her own life right now, and/or if there's any room or desire to have me in her life.

 

I guess for me it's something I want to fight for, but I also want to be realistic so idk.

[Been]

Your not going to listen but I'll tell you anyway-she's still got feelings for her ex-your being used. From experience I'll tell you that no matter what you do it won't be good enough. You could break your back helping her and all the ex has to do is breathe and he's good.

I'm not trying to be mean but your in a sinking ship and you don't see it. This is going to end badly so you should just walk away.

Not to mention she seems like a train wreak with drama. Get out before you invest too much into something that isn't going to return anything.

[noneck]

Your not going to listen but I'll tell you anyway-she's still got feelings for her ex-your being used. From experience I'll tell you that no matter what you do it won't be good enough. You could break your back helping her and all the ex has to do is breathe and he's good.

I'm not trying to be mean but your in a sinking ship and you don't see it. This is going to end badly so you should just walk away.

Not to mention she seems like a train wreak with drama. Get out before you invest too much into something that isn't going to return anything.

 

I appreciate it, and it's a possibility i'm trying to prepare for.

 

At the moment she seems to hold the cards, she's the one in NC mode. Whether that is due to her being overwhelmed or if she really is done like she initially said.