The no contact rule? Will it work?

[joseb]

Hey I worried about this too. But would love your opinion if I added some clarifying points.

 

1) She lost weight three years ago before we started dating. But I was the first person to date her after she lost weight.

 

2) She has known this guy since August. And he's part of a friend group. And she's told one of her close friends that I thought something was going on between them and they laughted it off...I honestly trust her.

 

3) If she was interested I'm assuming she would have started going the gym and acting differently but she never did

 

4) When push came to shove, she was even willing to stop talking to him if it was causing me such unease...I didnt

 

5) When were breaking up I asked if there was another guy (I know she could have lied to make it easy on me) but she said "No. And if anything, she wants the opposite, she wants be alone"

 

6) Many times, she tried to prove nothing was going on by leaving her phone beside me and telling me I could check it (Honestly this was the beginning of the end I believe - I became so insecure)

 

Still think its this guy?

 

Maybe, maybe not. I was cheated on for months and I had absolutely no idea.

At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter.

 

If there is another guy, she's seeing him because she no longer wants to be with you.

If there isn't another guy, she is ending the relationship because she no longer wants to be with you.

 

She has decided to end the relationship with you, so you have to accept that and move on.

[ChickiePops]

Hey I worried about this too. But would love your opinion if I added some clarifying points.

 

1) She lost weight three years ago before we started dating. But I was the first person to date her after she lost weight.

 

2) She has known this guy since August. And he's part of a friend group. And she's told one of her close friends that I thought something was going on between them and they laughted it off...I honestly trust her.

 

3) If she was interested I'm assuming she would have started going the gym and acting differently but she never did

 

4) When push came to shove, she was even willing to stop talking to him if it was causing me such unease...I didnt

 

5) When were breaking up I asked if there was another guy (I know she could have lied to make it easy on me) but she said "No. And if anything, she wants the opposite, she wants be alone"

 

6) Many times, she tried to prove nothing was going on by leaving her phone beside me and telling me I could check it (Honestly this was the beginning of the end I believe - I became so insecure)

 

Still think its this guy?

 

I do now! She was trying WAY too hard to show you that there WASN'T anything going on. She was behaving like a guilty person.

[Satu]

The epitaph for an unknown species:

 

"They failed to adapt."

 

'Moving on' is nothing more or less than successfully adapting to ones current circumstances.

 

Not in a relationship anymore, now single.

 

Adapt.

 

The single life can be fantastic.

 

But you have to adapt and restructure life.

[BlueIris]

It helps some people to believe that their GF left for another guy. If you want or need to believe that, do. Go NC and either believe what she said or believe anything else you want to. It doesn’t matter.

 

Being a woman with two daughters, I can attest that each of us and many of my friends have broken up with guys who were too demanding or difficult for us to be successful in school or work. I had a BF lose his **** while I was studying for a bar exam and he was gone, out, dumped. He’d been sure that I had something going on with male colleagues and clients prior to that, so it was no surprise he wigged out when I was intensely focused on something else. Shoot, med school is intense and if she just started, it might be that she can't deal with peripheral drama. Who knows?

 

So maybe she’s telling the truth. Maybe not.

 

Believe what you wish, but definitely go NC for your sake and find someone who is a great fit for you.

[TooMuchThinking]

Everyone here has the best advice - but only you can make the choice.

 

You can read 1000's of posts here...No Contact is the only way to move on. If she comes back that will be her choice and you can decide what to do from there. So many people have come asking for advice and trying to logic their way out of doing No Contact - you can analyze it for days and you will never know the truth.

 

You have to come to a place where you are doing No Contact for you. Only you can give yourself closure. Until you come to realize that - you will keep hurting yourself reaching out over and over again and beating yourself up.

 

You can beat yourself up for months, or you can stop now. That choice is yours.

[Chi townD]

Hard to say dude. Could there be something going on? Possibly. Some red flags are there. Hard to say if she's been cheating on you or has become interested in this other dude.

 

 

If in the beginning of the relationship you were fine; but then you started to become insecure, that was your gut telling you that something felt off. Leaving her phone by you and saying you could check it if you like was probably AFTER she already deleted the text logs. So, you can't gage your trust on that. She wouldn't have done that if she left anything incriminating on that phone. But, I can say that NOW she's done talking to you but still talking to this other dude.

 

 

And even if you find out that she is dating this other dude, I guarantee you would get one of the following responses. "He isn't the reason why

we broke up" or "Nothing happened while we were together" Well, of course nothing happened, she had to get rid of you first!

 

 

Your best course of action is just to start a full NC and say there. Start working on you! Make positive changes in your life. Heal from this and become indifferent toward your Ex.

[nsg1122]

Damn. Now I feel like I need to ask her again.

 

If she is, then I'll hurt like hell but I'll move on a lot quicker.

[Brando]

When I broke up with my girlfriend I swore up and down there was nobody else. I told her I just wanted to be single. I told her I didn't want a relationship and that I loved her, but it wasn't the same.

 

I think about 30 minutes later I was at my new girls house and that's only because there was traffic....

 

I could be very wrong and obviously there are exceptions, but I feel like most people have an exit strategy for relationships. It's not really planned, but I think in most cases dumpers are slowly detaching and once they found a new interest they pull the trigger.

 

It doesn't always have to be a situation where the dumper jumps into a new relationship, but maybe they want to pursue someone without being in a relationship, maybe they have some sucker that will wine them and dine and entertain them while they are single or looking for someone new....there is endless scenarios.

 

I just really doubt you have the full story....either way...who cares....next!!

[Satu]

I don't think it really matters whether there is another person or not.

 

What matters is what you think and do from now on.

 

Your life belongs to you.

 

Live it well

 

Make good choices.

[Brando]

I don't think it really matters whether there is another person or not.

 

What matters is what you think and do from now on.

 

Your life belongs to you.

 

Live it well

 

Make good choices.

 

 

This is correct. It's you time...do you. Create the life you want and the perfect girl will walk in it and add to your life. The next one is always better anyway. Then the one after is better...

[Simon Phoenix]

Damn. Now I feel like I need to ask her again.

 

If she is, then I'll hurt like hell but I'll move on a lot quicker.

 

Please don't.

[Chi townD]

There's no need to ask again. Even if she is, what's it going to change? She isn't coming back!

 

 

You need to focus on YOU and your healing! Time to get your revenge! And the best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life. Start making positive changes in your life!