Evarlin Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 Hi I met this girl a few months ago, and we began to talk online at the end of 2015. She quickly asked if i wanted to have a drink with her, and we had a date 4 weeks ago that went along quite well. 4 other dates followed, all initiated by me, and we began to kiss on our third one. Truth is, I began to kiss her. Last time we saw each other we watched a movie at my place and i kissed her a few times. She seems to enjoy it but wasn't that receptive about me playing with her hair or touching her gently. On the other hand she seems initerested enough to offer to see me at her place once, instead of having a drink like i suggested, so i'm a but confused here. We also texted a few time and she always answer quite fast, but still i am mostly the one texting first. She's quite a shy girl (she told me so and that's not that hard to see) and i've aways been the one planning on dates for nearly one month, and also the one initiating first kiss (and several others). She also mentionned being quite stressed about her job loss at the moment, so i can't assumed to be the center of her world here. Of course she always seems receptive enough for mee to keep on kissing / dating her, but i'm really not sure about her feelings or plans. I suspect she may not had lots of date because of her shyness (but i may also be wrong), and she already confess that she usually attract "weird" people, so i assume she might just be extra careful with me here... Truth is i also tend to lack dating experience, so that's not easy for me to know if i shoulf keep going or not with her...or maybe try to talk to her about her feelings. Recently she told me for the first time that she may not be available for next sunday (the day we used to see each other for 2-3 weeks), and when i asked about monday, she say we will stay in touch because she doesn't know if that will be okay for her. I know you're not supposed to see each other exactly every week when dating, but i'm also wondering if i shouldn't see it like a lack of interest...
smudge21 Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 What do you want to do? You can't know what's going on in her head, so what do you want? If she is this shy then maybe she just wants to take things really slowly, some people are like that. So can you do that, do you want to do that? If there's a chance she's just messing you around, then maybe you should talk to her - it already sounds like you're both very close so talking shouldn't be an issue. As for the whole you always initiate, I would say back off a bit, let her do the talking. If you hear nothing, then you can decide how to proceed. It's a tough one as it's all about coming to where someone else is at mentally and you want to do what you can for her, but in the same sense, she should be prepared to make the effort and come to where you are too. It's a two way thing after all. 1
smackie9 Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 If you expect more than what she provides....find someone else.....she is what she is.
SwordofFlame Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 Hi I met this girl a few months ago, and we began to talk online at the end of 2015. She quickly asked if i wanted to have a drink with her, and we had a date 4 weeks ago that went along quite well. 4 other dates followed, all initiated by me, and we began to kiss on our third one. Truth is, I began to kiss her. Last time we saw each other we watched a movie at my place and i kissed her a few times. She seems to enjoy it but wasn't that receptive about me playing with her hair or touching her gently. On the other hand she seems initerested enough to offer to see me at her place once, instead of having a drink like i suggested, so i'm a but confused here. We also texted a few time and she always answer quite fast, but still i am mostly the one texting first. She's quite a shy girl (she told me so and that's not that hard to see) and i've aways been the one planning on dates for nearly one month, and also the one initiating first kiss (and several others). She also mentionned being quite stressed about her job loss at the moment, so i can't assumed to be the center of her world here. Of course she always seems receptive enough for mee to keep on kissing / dating her, but i'm really not sure about her feelings or plans. I suspect she may not had lots of date because of her shyness (but i may also be wrong), and she already confess that she usually attract "weird" people, so i assume she might just be extra careful with me here... Truth is i also tend to lack dating experience, so that's not easy for me to know if i shoulf keep going or not with her...or maybe try to talk to her about her feelings. Recently she told me for the first time that she may not be available for next sunday (the day we used to see each other for 2-3 weeks), and when i asked about monday, she say we will stay in touch because she doesn't know if that will be okay for her. I know you're not supposed to see each other exactly every week when dating, but i'm also wondering if i shouldn't see it like a lack of interest... I went on about 7-8 dates with a girl who just quit her job and it ended when she got another job. She was also pretty introverted and quiet. It went as far as kissing always initiated by me and I initiated all the dates. She never really reciprocated interest.
soph-walker Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 If you expect more than what she provides....find someone else.....she is what she is. Not always the best tack in dating..she is what she is, but she may be a whole lot more once you spend more time around each other. It's obviously your call, but if you're interested, I'd take it slow and not just chuck her away.
katiegrl Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 (edited) Hi I met this girl a few months ago, and we began to talk online at the end of 2015. She quickly asked if i wanted to have a drink with her, .. Sorry, this is not the action of a shy girl. Outgoing and extroverted women have trouble asking guys out for pete's sake. Not sure what's going on....but whatever it is, it's not because she's shy. Edited February 5, 2016 by katiegrl 1
strawberryshortstack Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 Sorry, this is not the action of a shy girl. Outgoing and extroverted women have trouble asking guys out for pete's sake. Not sure what's going on....but whatever it is, it's not because she's shy. I disagree. There are differing degrees of shy. I am shy, I have always been shy. It's easier to ask someone out for a drink than it is to share feelings. I went on a date at the beginning of last summer that seemed to go well. At the end of the date, I kissed him. Yes, I initiated the kiss. It scared me half to death, but I did it. He liked it, we saw each other again - I asked him out for a drink. But we didn't work out as a couple, because I'm not outgoing enough for him. So there you have it - a shy girl asked a guy out for a drink, and kissed him, but was still too shy for the guy to want a relationship with. 1
smackie9 Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 Not always the best tack in dating..she is what she is, but she may be a whole lot more once you spend more time around each other. It's obviously your call, but if you're interested, I'd take it slow and not just chuck her away. It all depends on your personality and expectations....which is the key point. Having to hand hold someone through the dating process, and the fact it's not at a pace you want, there is no point in wasting your energy trying to pull someone out of their snail shell. You will find yourself frustrated....then you just get fed up. I dated shy and introvert...not worth it. So OP if you are used to a certain pace, and have an exception of someone who can express themselves openly....you will only find yourself frustrated with this girl. IMO is you shouldn't have to struggle like this to get to know someone.
Author Evarlin Posted February 6, 2016 Author Posted February 6, 2016 I disagree. There are differing degrees of shy. I am shy, I have always been shy. It's easier to ask someone out for a drink than it is to share feelings. I went on a date at the beginning of last summer that seemed to go well. At the end of the date, I kissed him. Yes, I initiated the kiss. It scared me half to death, but I did it. He liked it, we saw each other again - I asked him out for a drink. But we didn't work out as a couple, because I'm not outgoing enough for him. So there you have it - a shy girl asked a guy out for a drink, and kissed him, but was still too shy for the guy to want a relationship with. Thanks. She literally tells me she can be extra shy with people, so i can assume that she's also the kind to try to make a first step but who can still fell awkward about the whole dating process. I also noticed she seems kind of less anxious when we were at her place. 1
soph-walker Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 Thanks. She literally tells me she can be extra shy with people, so i can assume that she's also the kind to try to make a first step but who can still fell awkward about the whole dating process. I also noticed she seems kind of less anxious when we were at her place. There you go..she's aware of it and seems less anxious in her own space. Like Smackie said, if you feel that generally it's not moving at a speed youre comfortable with or accustomed to, then leave it be. If you were to tell her this, she may feel like you were pressurising the situation and she has already told you she's shy. I think being reserved is often mistaken for shyness- they are two different things entirely. My guess is that she's into you. 1
Author Evarlin Posted February 6, 2016 Author Posted February 6, 2016 It all depends on your personality and expectations....which is the key point. Having to hand hold someone through the dating process, and the fact it's not at a pace you want, there is no point in wasting your energy trying to pull someone out of their snail shell. You will find yourself frustrated....then you just get fed up. I dated shy and introvert...not worth it. So OP if you are used to a certain pace, and have an exception of someone who can express themselves openly....you will only find yourself frustrated with this girl. IMO is you shouldn't have to struggle like this to get to know someone. You're right, but i can't really say i already feel frustrated, although this thread may indicate that i am. Truth is, having a few dates like that is kind of new to me. I've been living with the same girl for nearly seven years from my 18th to my 25th birthday, and since she left me i only had a couple one-night stands. Plus i'm a french guy living in Canada, and i sometimes tend to be extra cautious when getting close to people (and dating of course) because some cultural traits are quite different here. So yes, i feel kind of attracted by this girl and i think we share many thing in common. I really hope her shyness will not make it impossible for us to get closer, but i admit it's also quite a welcoming change compared to the last girls i met
smackie9 Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 You're right, but i can't really say i already feel frustrated, although this thread may indicate that i am. Truth is, having a few dates like that is kind of new to me. I've been living with the same girl for nearly seven years from my 18th to my 25th birthday, and since she left me i only had a couple one-night stands. Plus i'm a french guy living in Canada, and i sometimes tend to be extra cautious when getting close to people (and dating of course) because some cultural traits are quite different here. So yes, i feel kind of attracted by this girl and i think we share many thing in common. I really hope her shyness will not make it impossible for us to get closer, but i admit it's also quite a welcoming change compared to the last girls i met Last time I checked people in France are more sexually open, than us canuckle heads....unless you live in Quebec.
Author Evarlin Posted February 6, 2016 Author Posted February 6, 2016 Last time I checked people in France are more sexually open, than us canuckle heads....unless you live in Quebec. I live in Quebec City I don't know about being more sexually open, but still it may just add to my fear of being a little too fast with this girl. If her shyness is the result of being courted by a few male eager to screw her asap, i think it might be a good idea to try to be gentle and understanding...
preraph Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 As long as she's still dating you, she's still interested. That doesn't mean sex will happen right away though. Especially if you are both hesitant. So take it at the pace you're comfortable and see if things develop naturally, but if it starts seeming forced on both ends, it's probably just not the best match. 2
Author Evarlin Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 (edited) Well, it seems that it wasn't supposed to go anywhere. We were supposed to meet at her place tonight, and i received a long texte message as i was just getting ready. She says she was really stressed about having to start new jobs right now, and that she saw i was ready for something serious but wasn't able to handle it all at the moment. She also said that we could still talk and see each other from time to time...as friends. It would be useless to say i feel like **** right now. Edited February 9, 2016 by Evarlin
Jabron1 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 so that's not easy for me to know if i shoulf keep going or not with her...or maybe try to talk to her about her feelings. Don't do that! Never do that! You're a man; don't start talking about your feelings. Just keep moving things along. If she is a shy and inexperienced girl, she's looking for you to lead everything. Shy girls are difficult to read, because they will let you escalate physically, but the signals won't be as clear. However... Recently she told me for the first time that she may not be available for next sunday (the day we used to see each other for 2-3 weeks), and when i asked about monday, she say we will stay in touch because she doesn't know if that will be okay for her. This is clear disinterest. Don't ask her out again, because the more she rejects you, the lower your value will be. Before you know it, responding to your text will be a lower priority to her than taking a crap or wiping her nose. I would make other plans with someone else. Let her initiate. Whenever a woman is purposely stalling, you should move on to other women. 1
Jabron1 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Well, it seems that it wasn't supposed to go anywhere. We were supposed to meet at her place tonight, and i received a long texte message as i was just getting ready. She says she was really stressed about having to start new jobs right now, and that she saw i was ready for something serious but wasn't able to handle it all at the moment. She also said that we could still talk and see each other from time to time...as friends. It would be useless to say i feel like **** right now. Didn't read this bit... It's her loss though. Just make sure you're unavailable, if she wants you for anything in the future. Whatever you do, don't be her 'friend'.
Author Evarlin Posted February 9, 2016 Author Posted February 9, 2016 (edited) Didn't read this bit... It's her loss though. Just make sure you're unavailable, if she wants you for anything in the future. Whatever you do, don't be her 'friend'. Not sure how being unavailable would help her change her mind.... Anyway, i may really not be surprised if she never talk to me again. I know men are supposed to act cynical and stone cold, but i really regret not being able to make anything happen with that girl. I really felt something special and it would be dumb to act as if it happen everyday. Edited February 9, 2016 by Evarlin
Jabron1 Posted February 9, 2016 Posted February 9, 2016 Not sure how being unavailable would help her change her mind.... It's not supposed to change her mind. It's to stop you being exploited and help you move past this. When a woman breaks up with you but offers to be your friend, it could mean a few things. 1. She genuinely wants to keep a platonic friendship with you This is rare, in my experience. The chances of this are pretty much non-existent in your case, because you two barely got to know each other. 2. She was just letting you down easy She didn't want to be seen as a b*tch, so she gave you the LJBF. You need to move on asap, so cutting ties is best. 3. She wants to keep you around as an option She doesn't really want you, but, if she can't find anything better, she'll be back to waste your time with another unsatisfying relationship. 4. She wants to keep you as an orbiter This is the worst and most exploitative. This is when a woman keeps you around under the guise of 'friendship', when really she is just needing you for something. To get that something, she'll dangle the carrot at you on occasion. She might want validation, or to make another guy jealous, or she might need your business contacts. In your case, from what little I know, it'll be 2 or 3. Don't bother entertaining any thoughts of 'being friends' or 'changing her mind'. Chase other skirt, workout, tend to your business, hang out with your mates. Keep busy, so that you keep your mind off her. And, whatever you do, stay no-contact. If she has second thoughts, you need to be enjoying yourself so much that you no longer want her. I never go backwards with women anymore, because it's nothing but trouble. Consider each woman practice for the next
Recommended Posts