crazy_grl Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 Some of you may have read my posts on my situation. Basically, I have strong feelings for a guy, and he says he has feelings for me but doesn't know if he wants a relationship. I talked to him about this about 6 or 7 weeks ago, and as of now, we're just friends. About 3 weeks ago or so, I was getting the feeling that it wasn't going to anywhere but friends, so I decided to move on and check out my options. So I went out with this guy not expecting it to be anything more than having a good time out with someone (and paid for myself btw). He surprisingly turned out to be a pretty good guy.We've gone out a couple times, but he doesn't seem to be taking this as a potential relationship. -- We haven't really had any of the getting to know a potential bf/gf conversations, and he doesn't call much. Now I've decided to give my friend more time before I write off the possibility that he might decide he wants a relationship. At this point, I'm not sure whether I'd consider the possibility of a relationship with the other guy if it weren't for my friend. I don't want to lead him on in case he is thinking that this is a potential relationship and it turns out my friend does want one, so I think I should stop seeing him. I think I know how I'm going to handle it, but I'd like some advice on how I should tell him and if you think I'm making the right decision.
Storm1306 Posted June 9, 2005 Posted June 9, 2005 Honestly, it doesn't sound like either one of them wants a serious relationship with you. You didn't say what made you decide to give the friend another chance. If a guy wants to be with you, you'll know. It sounds like you want to tell the current guy about the friend to see what he will say in regards to how he feels about your relationship with him. Why not just ask him what he's looking for? It's hard when you have strong feelings for someone who doesnt feel the same way. But be honest, you know your friend just wants to be friends, so let that go. And don't get caught up in "who ever wants me first, I will be with" drama....it will only make you feel worse in the long run. Good luck!
Author crazy_grl Posted June 9, 2005 Author Posted June 9, 2005 I appreciate you taking the time to offer your advice, but you've gotten the situation completely wrong. Originally posted by Storm1306 Honestly, it doesn't sound like either one of them wants a serious relationship with you. That may be. Only they know. You didn't say what made you decide to give the friend another chance. If a guy wants to be with you, you'll know. Because I realized that I was being my typical self by thinking of the worst possible outcome and jumping to the conclusion that that was probably what was going to happen. My friend and I talked again and he stated clearly that he just doesn't know. It's not that he doesn't want to and is trying to spare my feelings. It sounds like you want to tell the current guy about the friend to see what he will say in regards to how he feels about your relationship with him. Why not just ask him what he's looking for? No, that's not it at all. At this point, I don't care whether he wants one or not, *except* that I don't want to hurt his feelings if he does. I don't want a relationship with him right now or in the near future until I'm sure I'm over my friend. I didn't go out with him with the intention of starting a relationship. But maybe if my friend were never in the picture, things might be different. *Might.* I have my doubts about this guy. If he has no real interest in me, that would be great. It's hard when you have strong feelings for someone who doesnt feel the same way. But be honest, you know your friend just wants to be friends, so let that go. Actually, I don't know that. Even he doesn't know that. Basically, I did some things that I know were stupid and irrational that made him question whether we should date, but I don't think I did anything too drastic that it's beyond hope though. So with time, it may happen. I also realize that it may not, but I care for him enough that I want to give it more time before I give up all hope and move on. And don't get caught up in "who ever wants me first, I will be with" drama....it will only make you feel worse in the long run. Good luck! Don't worry. I'm not trying to do that at all. If my friend wants to be with me, I will be with him. Period. Whether the other guy wants to be with me or not is irrelevant. If the other guy wants to be friends, that might be okay, but nothing more until possibly the distant future. And if he did want a relationship, I wouldn't expect him to hold out hope for that.
Author crazy_grl Posted June 9, 2005 Author Posted June 9, 2005 Originally posted by Storm1306 It sounds like you want to tell the current guy about the friend to see what he will say in regards to how he feels about your relationship with him. This brings up my main question, which is whether I should tell him about my feelings for my friend. Would that harder or easier on a guy?
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