Polar965 Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Recently broke up with boyfriend for various reasons. I've had other threads about it. In the past year I've lost 25 pounds by choice. I've done this through diet and exercise. When I met him I was two sizes larger. On our last night together he poked my hip and called it "fat." I just went silent. We had our usual routine and the next day when he was telling me I was beautiful I reminded him he poked me and called me fat. He didn't say he was sorry, just kind of did a sheepish smile. It's over. Why can't I stop thinking about this comment?
elly key Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Because this hurts your feelings about your own achievement. You worked very hard and he knows that. But somehow he ignored your feelings. Weight is your weakness. Sometimes people tell things not thinking about the consequences. Forgive his stupidity. 4
DarkHorizon Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Because that came straight from your partner's mouth, it hurts even more. The fact that he is now gone and no apology is coming makes it even harder. Negative experiences like that do help, though, in the process of healing from the breakup itself -- at least you won't put him in a pedestal. If the loser couldn't appreciate you for who you are, he never deserved you in the first place. 3
jen1447 Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I think it's just the 'betrayal' thing. (In quotes bc some ppl will take some things more seriously than others.) Bscly just that someone you let inside abused that trust and did sth to violate it. That hurts, no matter how you slice it.
Qboro90 Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 You probably have body image/self conscious/insecurity feelings about your appearance and/or weight so that 1 word he said is literally the specific trigger those inner thoughts focus around. Honestly, I honestly believe that he wasn't poking you and saying 1 word as a way to confront you about your weight whatsoever. The truth? A lot of the time... Guys can just say really stupid things or be a little mean because (sorry to admit) we don't think before we speak a lot of times. Especially younger guys who haven't matured yet. He might've said it thinking he was being playful, teasing you and had no clue you would carry that comment with you like cancer for this long. If you dated him im sure you'd probably know he wasn't that heartless of a person. When someone says something like that to you... if you're not strong enough to brush those words off and have self confidence in yourself... The best thing you can do is show him what that word makes you feel. If you felt like crying... Cry. Nothing pierces a guys soul more than seeing his gf cry... Especially when it's because of them...or you can just heart fully tell him how much that hurts you and he should be the one person calling you beautiful even if everyone else in the world is calling you fat. If you confront him like that, a normal guy who loves you will be totally embarrassed and feel like scum and try anything to make it up to you and reassure you. Don't let 1 word carry on how you live your life. Either use it as motivation to keep building on your health and excercise, or realize that he isn't worth having his comments held so highly and you'll gain 100lbz if you want to because F him. 6
seekingpeaceinlove Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 First of all, congratulations on losing weight the good old fashioned way. Your hard work paid off! Like others have posted, you're still upset about the comment because he was someone you trusted and you cared about his opinion as an intimate partner. You have a right to be hurt. How to move forward from here? 1.) Be proud of your accomplishment 2.) Keep living that healthy lifestyle and reap the benefits of more weight loss (if you want that) I once lost about 40 lbs and was doing a lot of weight lifiting, etc. One of my guy friends joked that if I kept going, my thighs would look like a running back's. I was so upset considering I had gotten myself into amazing shape and was at a great fitness level. I stayed mad for a day but then let it go. I say, F*ck those who cannot be supportive or helpful with their comments or actions. When it comes to yourself, the only opinion that really matters is yours. Do you love yourself? If not..work on it. If you do, you're already in a really great place. Keep on working on yourself from inside out and everything else will fall into place..including meeting someone better suited for you. 2
mightycpa Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 I think that you keep replaying it in your head because while you saw progress, he still saw fat. He burst your little bubble of accomplishment, and I suspect that you looked at yourself and saw that he was right. Ultimately, this is a male-female conflict, rather than whatever else you want to make it out to be. You were looking for an "atta-girl" and he was pointing out the need to keep at it. You look at this as a betrayal of sorts, and you can't believe that of all the people to call you fat, it would be him. You expected something else of him,a nd he didn't deliver. You're playing it over and over as if you've missed something that you should have known already. 1
Neffer Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 (edited) Because we (humans) weigh negative comments heavier than positive. Its a human psych thing, there have been studies. Especially women, especially about our appearance. I can still recall a negative comment about my thighs from a guy I wound up breaking up with - and that was in my 20s. When I weighed nothing really, so its insane that I recall that at all. But I do. Don't fret about it, its not that it came from him in particular. Unlike men, women get a lot of unasked for feedback on our bodies every single day, and its a lot to deal with. It stores away in our heads sometimes. Besides all that - just in general its poor boyfriend form to tweak a sore point like that. That is crappy.You can do better than him. Good for you on the hard work and weightloss! Edited February 5, 2016 by Neffer 2
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