acoustic Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) New to the forum, I will try to make this as short as possible while still leaving in details. This girl used to come into my work with her boyfriend, and sometimes just friends, thats where we first met. They all added me on facebook, but I didn't really talk to anyone, except for her. I messaged her out of the blue, seeing how she had been, and how things with her boyfriend were etc. Turned out they had split up a few months prior, and I said she should text me, we should do something. Thats how it all started, okay so cliffnotes: She's 21, her and her ex had been together for 2 years. She dumped him because of issues with him that she no longer liked, and no longer saw him as the kind of guy she wanted to be with. They split up about 4-5 months before we started talking. In between then she had met and talked to another guy for about 2 weeks, but apparently he was a dbag and it didn't go anywhere. She's a very desirable girl, gorgeous, gets hit on all the time, so she has her pick of the litter. Anyway, we start texting, a lot, with intentions to meet up but due to our schedules at the time it was hard to plan a night, so we ended up texting slowly, but then slowly we started talking all day everyday for about 2 weeks before we even met. We talked about past relationships, how people we meet have sucked, just everything, and seemed to be on the same page. I straight up told her I didn't want to be a rebound, and she assured I wouldn't be if anything came of it. We hang out, its amazing, we click so good, just talked for a few hours then she went home, long close hug, literally the hug was for like 5 mins, and I said 'I'd kiss you if you werent chewing gum' just kinda dropping a hint. She responded with 'you have to take me on a date first". So date scheduled, things went amazing, everything was great. Things progressed, we were going on dates, having sex (i was only the 2nd guy she had sex with and she was nervous about it the first time), but it was all very romantic. I've had sex with people, this was more like 'connected', passionate, eye contact, sensual, everything. Always when we were together we were very passionate with each other, comfortable, almost like something I have never felt before about anyone (and I've been in a lot of relationships/dating spanning from 1 month flings, to 4 yr relationship). Anyway, over the course of about 2 months we were getting really close, she told her friends about me, was talking about things we could do in the future, texting me everyday, saying she'd like me to meet her friends and her parents etc. Really kind of pushing for what seemed like commitment - none of which I did. I played it cool, didn't want to come on too strong, always responded, didnt play games, showed my interest, but generally would let her initiate the txting etc which she always did, and i'd initiate the dates/planning in person type stuff. It got to the point where one day, about 2 months in, she said she missed me and wanted to come after work, i said of course. She came over, just to hug and kiss me before going home, and we planned our date for the next day. The next morning she txted me excited, asking if I made dinner reservations - I was sick so I cancelled and said I was going to the dr, we could go another day, she said thats fine. We txted, everything was normal, we resched for 2 days later. (prior to this she always said how amazing I was, how refreshing it was that I could hold convo, she never met someone like me before, and she loved how I'd actually make plans and stick to them, etc). So anyway I asked if we were still going to dinner, she said "i'm not sure, ive been kind of sick today, we'll see how I feel tomorrow" I said okay, not thinking much of it. But then as we were texting she started to seem a little off, i said is everything okay with us? She said 'i thought so?' - well a little later with me asking she said sorry I just have a lot of things on my mind. I said like what? She said I'll talk to you about it later.. I said okay and just dismissed it. So the next day I asked if we were going to dinner, if she felt okay, she said yea thats fine and she'd talk to me about what was stressing her out over dinner. About 2 hours before we were going to meet up, she said she wasnt feeling up to it, could we go another day. I said sure, but whats up, whats going on etc. This led to her saying "its nothing really, its just me and stuff I'm dealing with and stressed about." I asked if it was anything with us, she said "no everything with us is fine, I just need to figure some things out, I promise everything will be okay, I'm just confused". I said okay.. just talk to me when you're ready. The next day I hadn't heard from her at all, so I was like okay something is up, I texted her and asked whats going on, and thats when it all blew up. She said how we were obviously heading toward a serious relationship and she doesn't think shes ready for 'yet another serious relationship already'. She isnt ready to take her wall down again yet, and doesn't know if we should continue seeing each other knowing that a few months down the line she may feel the same and things would end worse then. I said so what does she want of me, and us? She said 'how can I answer that when I don't even know what I want', she wanted space. So I gave her like a week, msgd her, and at that point she was cold. Said she hadn't changed her mind, she "isnt ready for this", and then she added "and I don't think it'd be a right fit anyway". Which I found odd because this girl was seemingly clinged to me prior to me cancelling on the dinner date for the dr appointment? Anyway after that convo she had no desire to talk to me, and pretty much that was it. Never talked to me, never heard from her again. I've tried texting and reaching out to her, nothing. At first I'd just send a message, no response, week later another casual message, nothing. Then about a month later I sent a message saying how it's bs how she just ditched me out of nowhere and she took me off facebook and told me to just leave her alone. I asked mutual friends if she went back to her ex, but nope, they haven't talked at all, he's tried to talk to her since the breakup but she ignores him and doesnt respond. I like this girl a lot, I've never had anything like this happen before and I'm not sure how to deal with it? What would cause this sudden change in her? Why would she go so cold simply seem like she wants me out of her life completely? Anyway to fix it, or think she'll come back around to me? Up til the day she went cold I know she was really into me, I'm good at picking up on these things, so I am really left completely baffled and blindsided. Sorry for the long post, any insight to what she could be thinking, or what could have happened, or what could potentially happen in the future would be great - I'm not ready to give up on her, but theres not much I can do when she completely blocked me out of her life as if I meant nothing? Some of the main points she said was that things went way to fast and got way too serious (yet she was the one telling her friends, family, and talking to the future) She also said she had never been in a relationship that started out so intense like that before (which I said isn't a bad thing, just means we had an amazing connection). She kept saying, more than once "im done with this pressure" yet she's the one that put pressure on herself into the idea of a serious relationship - i never mentioned anything about us being official, ever, nor pointed towards it. Edited February 4, 2016 by acoustic
Brando Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 New to the forum, I will try to make this as short as possible while still leaving in details. This girl used to come into my work with her boyfriend, and sometimes just friends, thats where we first met. They all added me on facebook, but I didn't really talk to anyone, except for her. I messaged her out of the blue, seeing how she had been, and how things with her boyfriend were etc. Turned out they had split up a few months prior, and I said she should text me, we should do something. Thats how it all started, okay so cliffnotes: She's 21, her and her ex had been together for 2 years. She dumped him because of issues with him that she no longer liked, and no longer saw him as the kind of guy she wanted to be with. They split up about 4-5 months before we started talking. In between then she had met and talked to another guy for about 2 weeks, but apparently he was a dbag and it didn't go anywhere. She's a very desirable girl, gorgeous, gets hit on all the time, so she has her pick of the litter. Anyway, we start texting, a lot, with intentions to meet up but due to our schedules at the time it was hard to plan a night, so we ended up texting slowly, but then slowly we started talking all day everyday for about 2 weeks before we even met. We talked about past relationships, how people we meet have sucked, just everything, and seemed to be on the same page. I straight up told her I didn't want to be a rebound, and she assured I wouldn't be if anything came of it. We hang out, its amazing, we click so good, just talked for a few hours then she went home, long close hug, literally the hug was for like 5 mins, and I said 'I'd kiss you if you werent chewing gum' just kinda dropping a hint. She responded with 'you have to take me on a date first". So date scheduled, things went amazing, everything was great. Things progressed, we were going on dates, having sex (i was only the 2nd guy she had sex with and she was nervous about it the first time), but it was all very romantic. I've had sex with people, this was more like 'connected', passionate, eye contact, sensual, everything. Always when we were together we were very passionate with each other, comfortable, almost like something I have never felt before about anyone (and I've been in a lot of relationships/dating spanning from 1 month flings, to 4 yr relationship). Anyway, over the course of about 2 months we were getting really close, she told her friends about me, was talking about things we could do in the future, texting me everyday, saying she'd like me to meet her friends and her parents etc. Really kind of pushing for what seemed like commitment - none of which I did. I played it cool, didn't want to come on too strong, always responded, didnt play games, showed my interest, but generally would let her initiate the txting etc which she always did, and i'd initiate the dates/planning in person type stuff. It got to the point where one day, about 2 months in, she said she missed me and wanted to come after work, i said of course. She came over, just to hug and kiss me before going home, and we planned our date for the next day. The next morning she txted me excited, asking if I made dinner reservations - I was sick so I cancelled and said I was going to the dr, we could go another day, she said thats fine. We txted, everything was normal, we resched for 2 days later. (prior to this she always said how amazing I was, how refreshing it was that I could hold convo, she never met someone like me before, and she loved how I'd actually make plans and stick to them, etc). So anyway I asked if we were still going to dinner, she said "i'm not sure, ive been kind of sick today, we'll see how I feel tomorrow" I said okay, not thinking much of it. But then as we were texting she started to seem a little off, i said is everything okay with us? She said 'i thought so?' - well a little later with me asking she said sorry I just have a lot of things on my mind. I said like what? She said I'll talk to you about it later.. I said okay and just dismissed it. So the next day I asked if we were going to dinner, if she felt okay, she said yea thats fine and she'd talk to me about what was stressing her out over dinner. About 2 hours before we were going to meet up, she said she wasnt feeling up to it, could we go another day. I said sure, but whats up, whats going on etc. This led to her saying "its nothing really, its just me and stuff I'm dealing with and stressed about." I asked if it was anything with us, she said "no everything with us is fine, I just need to figure some things out, I promise everything will be okay, I'm just confused". I said okay.. just talk to me when you're ready. The next day I hadn't heard from her at all, so I was like okay something is up, I texted her and asked whats going on, and thats when it all blew up. She said how we were obviously heading toward a serious relationship and she doesn't think shes ready for 'yet another serious relationship already'. She isnt ready to take her wall down again yet, and doesn't know if we should continue seeing each other knowing that a few months down the line she may feel the same and things would end worse then. I said so what does she want of me, and us? She said 'how can I answer that when I don't even know what I want', she wanted space. So I gave her like a week, msgd her, and at that point she was cold. Said she hadn't changed her mind, she "isnt ready for this", and then she added "and I don't think it'd be a right fit anyway". Which I found odd because this girl was seemingly clinged to me prior to me cancelling on the dinner date for the dr appointment? Anyway after that convo she had no desire to talk to me, and pretty much that was it. Never talked to me, never heard from her again. I've tried texting and reaching out to her, nothing. At first I'd just send a message, no response, week later another casual message, nothing. Then about a month later I sent a message saying how it's bs how she just ditched me out of nowhere and she took me off facebook and told me to just leave her alone. I asked mutual friends if she went back to her ex, but nope, they haven't talked at all, he's tried to talk to her since the breakup but she ignores him and doesnt respond. I like this girl a lot, I've never had anything like this happen before and I'm not sure how to deal with it? What would cause this sudden change in her? Why would she go so cold simply seem like she wants me out of her life completely? Anyway to fix it, or think she'll come back around to me? Up til the day she went cold I know she was really into me, I'm good at picking up on these things, so I am really left completely baffled and blindsided. Sorry for the long post, any insight to what she could be thinking, or what could have happened, or what could potentially happen in the future would be great - I'm not ready to give up on her, but theres not much I can do when she completely blocked me out of her life as if I meant nothing? Some of the main points she said was that things went way to fast and got way too serious (yet she was the one telling her friends, family, and talking to the future) She also said she had never been in a relationship that started out so intense like that before (which I said isn't a bad thing, just means we had an amazing connection). She kept saying, more than once "im done with this pressure" yet she's the one that put pressure on herself into the idea of a serious relationship - i never mentioned anything about us being official, ever, nor pointed towards it. Remember that time you told her that you didn't want to be her rebound......yaaaaa she honored that for you. She's 21 and probably just wants to be single and do her thing and learn about herself. She told you she didn't want a relationship. So, what can you do? Just respect and believe what she's told you and move on. Maybe she will come back around one day when she is interested. There is nothing you can say or do to change a persons mind. It's only been a couple months with her. I would say you were a rebound or filling a void and then she realized (even if she was into you) she wasn't ready to be tied down in a relationship again. On to the next one my man....not to be harsh or anything. I'm sure you had some feeling involved and might not be very happy right now, but you should just chalk it as a loss and be happy it was 2 months and not 5 years... 5
Author acoustic Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 yea the crazy thing is for some reason I fell really hard for this one, and felt something I have never felt before. Even my breakup after the 4 yr relationship wasnt this bad, but I guess it's because this was still in the honeymoon phase and was just kinda blindsided outta nowhere and left with nothing/ignored. Just odd, and makes it difficult. Its been close to 2 months now, and still I can't kick it out of my head. Thanks for the reply!
Brando Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 yea the crazy thing is for some reason I fell really hard for this one, and felt something I have never felt before. Even my breakup after the 4 yr relationship wasnt this bad, but I guess it's because this was still in the honeymoon phase and was just kinda blindsided outta nowhere and left with nothing/ignored. Just odd, and makes it difficult. Its been close to 2 months now, and still I can't kick it out of my head. Thanks for the reply! Ahh, take her off the pedestal. I've had similar things happen to me and when they reject us it makes us think they were better than they truly were. If she is confused or not that into you...she isn't the one for you. Like I said though, I know after 2 months you can catch some feelings, but at least you were minimally invested. Hang out, do you maybe she will start coming around. 2
Author acoustic Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 is my scenario common for a person to do? or is it kinda rare / emotionally unstable behavior? (her actions)
Brando Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 is my scenario common for a person to do? or is it kinda rare / emotionally unstable behavior? (her actions) Sounds like a typical rebound to me. She had a void. You filled it. She got what she needed (you also got what you needed), but unfortunately you caught feelings and she moved on. Honestly, some people get out of a relationship and fill the void with someone else and then move on when quickly. Some people stick around and stay with their ex after the breakup to fill the void and ween themselves off the relationship. Some people jump into new longterm relationships. I think you are over analyzing this. Girl dated you for a couple months, wasn't feeling it (for whatever reason) and moved on. Whether it was a rebound, or she is dating around, or she caught herself before things go to serious and realized it's not what she wanted. Move on, easy day.... I'm not trying to be harsh, but man, a couple months? I mean....isn't that dating? You meet someone, try it out and if it's not for you or the timing is off....you move on. 1
Author acoustic Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 Yea I guess for me, normally when I've been a rebound in the past, it's always just been like a one night stand or a week long fling. I've never had someone see me 4 times a week and txt me all day everyday for a couple of months, and hype up the future and desire of me to meet her family in a rebound. Normally at that point in 'dating' the girl wants something considerable serious with me and sees a future in it. Just interesting to me, didn't know rebounds could go like that ~
Author acoustic Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 and even then, one night stand or not, they usually remain talking to me or at least friends. I've never just been completely cut out of someones life on a whim before.
triple-s Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 Sounds like a similar situation with me and a co worker bro ... I got involved with a co worker I known for 7 years ... She dumped me outta the blue . I read everyone else's reply and seems like I share the same frustration as you do ... They're all correct ; she used you basically to fill a void as what mine did . She basically lined me up to get rid of her ex bf then once he was out of the picture she sent my walking papers and I found out she lined up someone new behind my back Mine wasn't 2 months I'd say around 5-6 months but bro I know exactly what you mean I cared for this woman and even took care of her when she got sick ... What I learned from this relationship is you can't change anyone but accept it for what it is . Ultimately speaking you must participate in your own rescue . Meaning NC 100% . No spying on social media , etc ... Complete cut off as if the relationship never existed What's hard for me is I work with this girl , and so does this other fella . Facing them whenever I go to work feels like a slap in the face ... I posted a thread here called " the price I paid dating a co worker " Anyway just my 2cents , keep your head up
triple-s Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 I've never had someone see me 4 times a week and txt me all day everyday for a couple of months, and hype up the future and desire of me to meet her family in a rebound. Normally at that point in 'dating' the girl wants something considerable serious with me and sees a future in it. Just interesting to me, didn't know rebounds could go like that ~ Yes , this was EXACTLY the same **** i went thru ( for 7 months ) ... i thought there was a connection. Met her mom and dad ... she met my family .. I thought all was good . Then all of a sudden she 180'd on me into someone else .. Sigh
Author acoustic Posted February 7, 2016 Author Posted February 7, 2016 thats crazy dude, but its not necessarily a bad thing that you work with her. I would love to be able to see my ex, because I don't think she could see me without feeling a connection. I had a similar thing happen in the past with a girl that I worked with, but after about a month of seeing me all the time and us not talking, she caved and asked me out, we went on to date for like 3 years til we got to know each other a lot better and then things went downhill. Seeing the person / working with them, can be a huge advantage. I keep wondering if my ex would just see me, if all her feelings would flood back, since she ended it outta nowhere via txt, and went into hiding ever since. Also in my scenario I know theres not another guy at all, at least not yet. Crazy that ur chick did that after 5-6 months! Complete bs.
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