Jamesdean91 Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) So I don't know where to turn so I have found my way here to the forums. The love of my life and the mother of my child decided she is no longer "in love" with me. I can't say I didn't see it coming because I have been putting other things first. We have been together for 8 years and lived together for 1. I actually proposed to her last year and she said yes. Now I'm stuck in depression and want to fight for her but do not know where to start or what to do since she does not want to work on anything. We are still living together and sleeping in the same bed for the remainder of the lease(6 more months). She says she loves me and gives me like pecks before leaving for work everyday still and I have been trying to be more romantic and sweet but know its just coming off as clingy. I try and talk about our problems and she just gets stubborn and blocks me out. I want to give her space but have security issues and am afraid of her going off with another guy. In the past that would not have bugged me near as much but she is the only thing I have known for 8 years and I would always have to be in contact for our son. In the past we have had issues and always gotten over them because I would say I'd change. Well like a typical guy I change for a few weeks then go back doing what I wanted to begin with. Some things would change others would go back to the old ways. This time I'm actually putting efort into trying to change for her. Trying to learn from my mistakes, I have been reading the 5 love languages and it has opened my eyes but its a 2 way street. She says she just wants her space and doesn't want to try at all. Edited February 4, 2016 by Jamesdean91
RySant Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 You mentioned you have mistakes. Could you elaborate more on those? We need to know why you think she became fed up with you.
Author Jamesdean91 Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 To much time on social media. There has been girls who I either flirt with or they flirt with me. She was hurt the most 5 months ago when we where fighting and a girl who she knows I wouldn't touch with a 10ft pole started flirting with me. She saw the messages and called the engagement off but we still dated. Recently the only thing I have done is not being helpful around the house. I know I messed up being a flirt but I have never cheated even though she thinks I have. I know that's a problem with trust and all. We have taken breaks in the past and she always finds some guy then after I beg enough she comes back. It hurts knowing she was with a guy intimate or not while I am depressed and alone. This time it would hurt even more seeing as she still sleeps in the same bed as me. Knowing some other guy has had his hands or lips on her.
Author Jamesdean91 Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 Things I know I need to work on consist of Being off social media (deleted my fb) Spending more time at home (always have side jobs working on friends vehicles) Giving more help at home Being more romantic (can't remember our last date)
bigbaby Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Playing with her trust with flirting. Repeatedly. Cute. So, now how do YOU like your security messed with now that YOU never know where she's been? Ever wonder if people know things you don't and are laughing at you or looking at you with pity? But of course you just can't resist any attention at all and don't connect those two things whenever her back is turned, right? Right. Whenever you don't get what you want anymore, you whine and beg and act right for three minutes. And you excuse this as "like all men do?" Really? There are so many stupid men out there that I'm surprised all of us women aren't lesbians. I hope she hits you upside your dumb head with a frying pan. 1
RySant Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Well, there you have it, JamesDean. You didn;t give her the security that YOU also wanted in the first place. Women can never know if you're just flirting our not. Flirting is NOT allowed when you are in a relationship. That can lead to cheating. So, yes, I don't think we can blame your partner for moving on. You really need to work on your issues as this will surely be a deal-breaker to any sane woman out there. Wish you the best. 1
Author Jamesdean91 Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 Your right I should go suck start a shotgun right? What's the number to the hot line again. I'm admitting what I did wrong I haven't even gone into detail of what she's done wrong by me. Each time I did something it was because she did something to trigger my actions. The 5 different guys she's had a thing with over the 8 years. The neglect, the fighting. It's like fire and ice. But I know she actually loves me. And I know my feelings for her have only become stronger living together.
266696687 Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) I'm admitting what I did wrong I haven't even gone into detail of what she's done wrong by me. Each time I did something it was because she did something to trigger my actions. Oh wow. That's right blame your wife for all your wrong doing. It was ultimately her fault. It was all her fault. Every time YOU did something wrong it was because of her. Hmmm I'm really not surprised with your attitude that your relationship is over. That's not taking responsibility or changing your behavior for the better. Until you actually see or understand what you did to contribute to the demise of your relationship (rather than placing blame back on her) you haven't changed and the same issues will crop up again. She was absolutely right to end this toxic game. Also what you said above is highly narcissistic. Time to take a good hard look at yourself and your behavior. Hopefully she is also taking the time to address her issues and contributions to this relationship. Sounds like she is already though from your posts. Edited February 4, 2016 by 266696687
bigbaby Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 JamesDean, kidding aside, I think you should make an emergency appointment with a marriage counselor. If she won't go with you at first, go by yourself and ask their advice. You both need to be able to step back and look at the cycle you're stuck in, understand why you do what you do, and get to a better place, hopefully together. Good luck.
bigbaby Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Also, that shows her something new and serious from you, rather than another round of promises, right?
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