Paradigm Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 -sigh-.. I broke up with him earlier today. He took it rather well.. he feels sad but thinks its the right thing to do as well. He agreed to be friends.. just dont know if I can do it. I didnt think seeing him when he's not mine anymore would hurt that much.. Dont think this friend thing will work at all..How can I move on if he's still in my life? I keep panicking, it feels so weird, like I'm missing a limb.
RySant Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I don't believe that being friends with your ex as soon as you break up will make you heal. It's like you got burned and you still want the fire to be near you. You have to cut contact for at least a while. That is if you really want to heal. It will be hard because at this stage, you are at a point that you'll want a piece of him in all possible ways, you don't want him to forget you or be taken away from your life completely. Sigh, I felt those. But you know what? Once you heal, those worry won't even matter. You'll even remember this as a throwback and you'll laugh at yourself. Goodluck! 3
Author Paradigm Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 But how long is a while? Before you start to recover? I know its different for everyone... but we're talking of months not weeks, right? 1
RySant Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 18 months 24 months to fully heal. But the reason for that is I cling to everything I can. I never did NC and talked to the guy in all possible ways even if he is already drifting away. Basically, I clung to every fiber of him. So, I KNOW firsthand why NC is a must.
Zahara Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 After a little over a year of NC, I was feeling better but then I saw him and went downhill a bit but got on track again. You can't be friends with an ex. You have to emotionally detach before you can ever contemplate a friendship, but when you do get to that stage you really may not even care at that point whether you're friends or not. You'll feel indifferent, living life and opening yourself to other opportunities. "Friends" is used as an excuse to keep a foot in the door. It's a break up. Treat it as such. The only way to get to the other side is through the pain. There is no alternative. Contact will only keep you confused and hurt. You'll be in indefinite pain. NC is temporary. At some point you'll recover. 1
PegNosePete Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 But how long is a while? Until you can see him hugging and kissing another woman, and your only thought is "I wonder what I'll make for dinner tonight". Whether that is days, weeks, months or years, is on a case by case basis. Start with a month of NC, and see how you feel at the end of it. If you're not there yet, do another month. Etc. 4
TheArtist Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 But how long is a while? Before you start to recover? I know its different for everyone... but we're talking of months not weeks, right? They say that it's usually half the length of the relationship, so if it was 6 months, you should be pretty much done by month 3. It really does vary for everyone though, and the best way of getting past this is to do things for yourself and completely avoid all contact of any form. The important thing is not to count how long it has been, that makes it more of a thing if you do that. When I broke up with my ex I actually deleted her number and removed updates from Facebook, and then started teaching myself how to paint. We've all experienced it, and we've all beaten that feeling, but focus on the new you, and remember that we're here for uplifting messages if you need them. 1
DarkHorizon Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 PegNosePete said it all. You can only consider the idea of friendship the day you can see him with another woman and be indifferent about it. Until then, NC.
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