Zahara Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Like, yeah wanted to be friends but at the same time would that even be possible. Vintage, why would you want to be friends with someone that cut you off so easily? You have feelings for him and your way of trying to foster some type of contact with him is to be friends. Don't do that as you'll only confuse and hurt yourself even more. elaine567 is right -- what would your friendship be based on? 1
Author VintageWine Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) I just want to thank everyone for taking their time to reply to my thread and having to put up with my anger All I know is that I feel better knowing he isn't in my life anymore. During the time weeks ago I thought I would be a mess, feeling sad that he's out of my life but I'm doing a lot better than I expected. I don't like having feelings for someone and not being able to show it if that makes sense also considering I want to be happy for him for whenever he did get into a relationship with someone, not feeling jealous. So I'm happy, it gives me more time to work on my jealously because it isn't a cute look for me personally. I'm also thinking about how much I love sex....but....I love romantic relationships even more than I love sex. As crazy as that may sound since I have a high drive. Mostly I'm thankful for this experience in a way because it showed me how I really don't like just giving someone just sex, I mean in the moment it's fun ( I probably sound really cliche right now ) but I want more than just that. I want the best of both worlds, a great guy and great sex with that great guy. I want a boyfriend. I wanna give someone the full package, not just a part of that package. When I think about it now, after this experience that I had, I don't want to do friends with benefits anymore. Like my close friends told me I have so much more to offer than just sex, and I want to do that. Give someone amazing the full package. Edited February 4, 2016 by VintageWine 2
Author VintageWine Posted February 5, 2016 Author Posted February 5, 2016 I don't know what's going on, I'm just feeling emotionally distort. Earlier I was feeling happy and free because I don't feel the stress from the relationship I had with this guy, but at the same time it sucks because like, I have love for someone who doesn't love me back, it's fine and who is also out of my life, which is also fine, but it's like what do I do with that love that I can't express to someone? The urge to send him a text since my phone remembers recents and just text him how much I love him, even though I know I shouldn't do that, the urge is there. I love him, and to hold that in, to keep to myself, to not tell him, it's frustrating. I have all this love for someone and no one to take it out on, it's frustrating. It's not like a bad feeling per se, but it's...dunno, overwhelming? All this emotion for someone just bottled up and it's like, I know I have to go about my days, do whatever I gotta do. Hangout with my friends, school, gym, looking for a job, and stuff of the matter. All the same, it's hard to ignore this overwhelming feeling that's inside. I've learnt things from this relationship, every experience that I have had personally always had something in it I can learn from, wish I can tell him that as well, that even though regardless of whatever happen, thank you for them and that I just love him. The thing is, I know moving on is all part of myself and time. I know I shouldn't contact him, I should really delete his number though, don't know why I didn't do that yet. Moving on is always the hard part, especially when your romantic relationships from the past weren't really all the best and all you're craving is to be with someone who loves you, appreciates you, wants to treat you right, treat you like a girlfriend should be treated, all the works of it, who is secure and confident. Just wanting a healthy relationship with someone is something that I always wanted, I'm extremely tired of the crap, lol. I just really want that with a man, like...badly. I don't need a man but I want one, really want a boyfriend. I finally crave a healthy relationship not just any kind of relationship. I do online dating but honestly my profile is just there. I'm scared to approach a guy on campus that captures my interest. This happened to me twice before with someone and I honestly got really scared to even give them a compliment, I don't even know if that's the right thing to do, I don't know how a guy would feel with me saying how they are attractive. I've always been taught the man should show interest, but why can't I? Why can't I show interest as the guy can for me? Okay, I really needed to get that out, I'm sorry.
dirtyfrank Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 (edited) Hi VintageWine I don't mean to sound condescending by any mans but I guess you're pretty young, though frankly most people in your situation would be on an emotional rollercoaster. It is quite clear from what you wrote that you do have feelings for the guy and now should probably grieve for a while as you lost someone emotionally close to you (even if he didn't reciprocate). This FWB business is pretty risky and usually one side (sometimes both sides) ends up hurt. I did have a brief fling with an old friend of mine in the past and surprisingly it didn't take its toll on either of us and didn't ruin our friendship but my guess is we were just very lucky. Take care and please don't let him take advantage of you, no matter how cool you might think you are with everything in the future... Cheers:) Edited February 16, 2016 by dirtyfrank
mightycpa Posted February 16, 2016 Posted February 16, 2016 You know, way back when, when I had FWB's, none of them acted like you describe the way you acted. Each of them had a different level of friendship, it was well-established, as were our boundaries with each other. I was really only friends with one of them. Another was a neighbor, and the third was this girl I knew who liked my company every once in a while. Eventually, when we stopped having sex, we also completely stopped seeing each other socially, except for the actual friend. I've known her for 30 years, but it's been 25 since we last did it. That's real friendship. My point is that had any of them developed or expressed feelings for me, it would have changed the dynamics of the relationship. Not having any interest, I'm sure I would have dropped off the face of the planet for them. I think that's exactly what happened to you, except you were surprised by it, because you didn't understand the actual boundaries of your friendship. The only advice I can give you is this - if you feel that it's only natural that your emotions get involved because you're having sex with someone, then you shouldn't be that FWB. If you're going to try that again, make sure you're having sex with at least one other person too. That will give you some perspective, and it should inoculate your heart from getting attached to the wrong person. I'm sure it sucks, but there are lots of things you can learn about yourself and others from this experience.
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