just_some_guy Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Well, this one took me a long time to assimilate, but someone asked me if I had ever looked forward to coming home to someone. It took me aback, because I realized that I can't recall ever once feeling that. I've been married twice and I honestly can't remember every feeling anxious to come happy, or especially happy to find someone there. It goes back to my childhood too. I really can't recall a moment growing up, where I looked forward to being with my family. It wasn't a happy home at all. But it seems to have a set a pattern with me, that's lasted through two failed marriages. Nor did I ever feel my parents or siblings were all that eager to see me either. I can't recall them ever enjoying me or my siblings when we were children. All I think I've ever felt was a sense of obligation, a duty to be there. And having to take a deep breath and count to 3 before opening there and entering the house and face whatever situation was waiting for me. Honestly, I never even considered it possible. But I think other people do look forward to seeing their spouse, or mothers and fathers, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters. I feel really lost. Maybe like someone who believed the sun circled the earth would feel when faced with incontrovertible evidence that the earth circled the sun. I see the evidence, but it just isn't even imaginable. 1
newmoon Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 wonder if this is why so many people greet the pets first when they walk in 1
MrDuck Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Do you have kids? I never looked forward to coming home when I was where I didn't want to be! Having my son changed that! I couldn't wait to be back with him!! This perfect little boys face would light up because I was home, that's just the best feeling in the world. Id of wanted to be with him anywhere, the people make the place after all! But it was made even more so by the home being some where I loved being too and a great environment to share with my boy! Sitting out on the deck watching giraffe drinking at the lake beats the hell out of the leaky cold caravan I'd come home to as a kid. 3
basil67 Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I've been with my partner for 23 years and still look forward to seeing him each night. But I've never had to hold my breath and wonder what will greet me because I know we will greet each other with pleasure and the atmosphere will be calm. If I was possibly coming home to a crazy bad environment, I'm sure it would be different. Perhaps this business of not wanting to go home is simply indicative of the environment you're entering? 1
GunslingerRoland Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I can't imagine feeling like that all the time. There has been the occasional day when I know my kids have been acting up, that I've dreaded coming home, but I'm talking a handful of days out of my life. 1
Author just_some_guy Posted February 5, 2016 Author Posted February 5, 2016 These days, I live alone. It just struck me in conversation not long ago, when someone was describing this feeling to me, of looking forward to seeing their S.O. and being eager to be there. It always felt like a duty, a "supposed to do this" thing to me. It never once occurred to me that someone might enjoy their S.O.'s company so much or feel a strong desire to be with them. Two marriages, both were crazy environments. I'm the most stable non-crazy person you would ever meet. I grew up in crazy, then married it twice. It was like the drive to reproduce or whatever put me on a collision course with bad situations. Mostly because I just didn't know any other way. Now I'm getting older. The 'drive' is not what it once was. I no longer feel what I guess was the biological compulsion to mate or whatever. I feel safer alone and I have come to not trust my judgment in picking mates. It feels lonely sometimes, but safer. 1
preraph Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 If your life can accommodate a dog, you have a yard and aren't too compulsive about the furniture and dog hair, they're the greatest things to come home to, without exception. 3
loveflower Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 If your life can accommodate a dog, you have a yard and aren't too compulsive about the furniture and dog hair, they're the greatest things to come home to, without exception. ya...human are trouble. they give me headache without exception. 1
loveflower Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 Two marriages, both were crazy environments. I'm the most stable non-crazy person you would ever meet. I grew up in crazy, then married it twice. It was like the drive to reproduce or whatever put me on a collision course with bad situations. Mostly because I just didn't know any other way. must be hellish to live life like that. Glad it is over for you!
dichotomy Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 Do you have kids? I never looked forward to coming home when I was where I didn't want to be! Having my son changed that! I couldn't wait to be back with him!! This perfect little boys face would light up because I was home, that's just the best feeling in the world. . Opens front door.....and......."daddy! daddy! daddy! daddy! " running jumping into my arms. Yep kids will make that entry back home worth anything. Well the teen years might be an exception. 4
loveflower Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 Opens front door.....and......."daddy! daddy! daddy! daddy! " running jumping into my arms. Yep kids will make that entry back home worth anything. Well the teen years might be an exception. correct my previous post: kids are the exception!
Hopeful714 Posted February 6, 2016 Posted February 6, 2016 I'm sure your past experiences have caused you to feel like you do. But I see nothing wrong with it. I grew up a latch key kid so from a very early age through high school I came home from school to an empty house alone. Once I left my family's house as a young adult, I lived alone, in my own apt. I dated a guy who moved in with me and we were together a long time, but he was a drunk. So for several years I came home to a drunk person..and it was awful. Then I kicked him out. Not a surprise, I never married and live alone now. No problem though because I have a good life, don't get lonely when I am alone, and am perfectly stable too. At this point I tend to question if I ever could live with anyone. I hear ya about not trusting your judgement in picking mates... as I've chosen some Looney tune mates myself. Many people can't handle being alone. I too find it's "safer" and would never give it up unless I was absolutely positive it would be a pleasant experience. Enjoy the peace in your home. Many don't have that. If you truly feel lonely, get some pets. Nothing's wrong with you.
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