Kitchen Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I'm a 27 year old man. Last Saturday I met a woman at a lounge party. We talked only for a few minutes but I had to take off, so I asked for her number. She willingly gave it to me, and I said we'll keep in touch. I left and texted her with my name so she gets my number, and to tell her it was nice meeting her. I got no reply. The next day, about 14 hours later, I called her. She didn't pick up. I left a voicemail saying who I am and that it was great meeting her and how we should chat some time blah blah. She never called back. So the next day, I was annoyed so I sent her a text saying "seems like you're not interested, but nevertheless it was great meeting you, best of luck!" She replied within an hour saying how that's an awfully quick change of mind on my part, and how she's just been really busy and how she wanted to call me back when she has ample time in order not to rush me, etc. So I replied saying it just seemed that she wasn't interested since she didn't reply to my first text or my call. But that nevertheless yes I'd still like to talk. So she replied that yea she'll call me "some time this week when she gets a chance" (this was on a Sunday). So for the next few days we went back and forth a little bit, hardly too much at all. Sometimes she wouldn't reply to my texts. I would only text her like once a day. She would reply and constantly apologize since it's "been so hectic at work" etc. So I finally just said, 4 days later, how since we aren't really sustaining a text/phone convo, can we just meet up for a drink so we can meet in person? Well she said no for this weekend since she's busy for her birthday, then she's going on a 2 week trip, starting next week. So she asked to postpone till after that since it's going to be "hectic" leading up to that. Ok, so I've only spent a total of 5 minutes talking to this girl, and now I have to wait 3 weeks for a date? It seems to me she's not interested. But then why did she even reply to my text at all? Why not just ignore me - it's not like she knows me and has to worry about it being awkward, bc she's never going to see me again. I guess she's just playing games for the attention? I should just forget about this one right? ::sigh::
Yamaha Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 It seems to me she's not interested. I agree. No interest on her part. She's likes your attention! Loose her number and find someone who has some time to spend with you. 2
truth_seeker Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Dude, I've met women at bars who gave me their numbers only for me to call and sound like a fool on voicemail. I never leave voicemails anymore. These women will play them over and over to their friends for a good laugh. You should drop her. Now, if you want to mess with her. Make set plans to meet at a real expensive restaurant. Get her to show and you don't. She will be calling you. lol.
Grewd Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 No, no, no. She's not playing games, the replies above me are only validating what you want to believe. It doesn't help you one bit. You waited 14 hours to reply, just the fact you know exactly how many hours shows you put waaaaay too much importance and seriousness in a 5 minute conversation. The fact that you got annoyed at someone you talked to for 5 minutes didn't respond also supports this. You waited one day, just one single day before you got annoyed and lashed out at her. That my good sir is just impatience. She might very well have been thinking about responding to you, but you never left enough time to know if she eventually would have. On top of it all you act all bitter about it, like a child who doesn't get candy when he wants it. Direct answer to questions: Is she just playing games? No, you messed it up. Should you just forget about this one? Yes, you're right about that, you can forget her. If she did have any interest at all you killed it, you blew your chance this time around. Next time have some more patience, if you don't get a quick response then let it go and move on instead of attacking like that. You might get a late response in which case pick it up again, if not then she wasn't interested and no uninterested woman is worth your attention, not even your irritation. 7
Methodical Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Yeah, you need to halt all pursuit. She has your contact information, so I'd leave things alone now. Maybe she really does have plans for her bday and a two week vacation, but it sounds like a plan purporting a near month's worth of brush off so that you'll move on. Sorry. Game players suck.
doeblin Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 So the next day, I was annoyed so I sent her a text saying "seems like you're not interested, but nevertheless it was great meeting you, best of luck!" Ugh, do not be prickly in the early stages of dating, especially before the first date, because you will look like a ... prick. So she replied that yea she'll call me "some time this week when she gets a chance" (this was on a Sunday). So for the next few days we went back and forth a little bit, hardly too much at all. She said she'll call, why would you text after that? Ok, so I've only spent a total of 5 minutes talking to this girl, and now I have to wait 3 weeks for a date? Exactly, why would you get this worked up? I would have said "You have my number, hit me up in a few weeks then." Learn from this experience. Date other girls. Be cool. 8
Robratory Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I guess she's just playing games for the attention? I should just forget about this one right? ::sigh:: Maybe not, but it makes no difference. She's not available. "Too busy" is a BS excuse. Nobody is that busy. Don't take it too hard. You saw her just once. Try to get a lot of balls in the air at once, so if one falls to the ground it's no big deal. You did good by calling her on the carpet. She was rude, and you didn't deserve it. If she does happen to contact you again, just say, "Eh... I'd rather not, but thanks!" Under NO circumstances should you try to meet her again. She'll keep doing this to you, whether she's playing games or whether her life is really that busy. 1
Popsicle Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Playing games? No, she's just not all that interested but wants to keep you around like a collectible.
Author Kitchen Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) Thanks everyone for the replies thus far! I'll definitely forget about this one - and yes, lesson learned for next time. Edited February 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
bigbaby Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) [] It could be she IS that busy. Believe it or not, many people are very busy. Or she is going back and forth with someone else she's semi-involved with and trying to get that sorted while not losing out on this promising chance, either. Or maybe she's being cautious and wants to talk more before actually meeting in person. Or she was interested at first but is undecided now because of something/s the OP has said and done in the meantime. Or... I really doubt she is laughing at his messages with her friends or sitting there cackling at messing with his mind. Who does that? Nobody, that's who. Women don't want some guy who they don't like bothering them. That's as much fun as sitting on the toilet so don't flatter yourselves. But if y'all think so poorly of women, you don't have to call them at all, you know. I agree that OP is at fault for seeming too needy. Just leave one message and get on with your life. Let her call if she wants to. She does not owe you anything, now or in a month or ever. Men often seem to have the really unattractive idea that women owe them something just because they or their little soldier want it. Wrong! In any case, she certainly didn't tell anyone to drop their life and sit by the phone getting all crazy over her, counting "their" hours and days that she's "wasting," did she? Edited February 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3
scrapbooker Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 This is an example of this whole expecting too much thing. She didn't even know you. You texted, called 14 hours later, and then basically scolded her for not getting back to you. She doesn't know you well enough to play games. She has a life. Breathe, chill out, and don't get so worked up. 1
truth_seeker Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) [] I think OP shouldn't have shown his anger. I can understand a woman being turned off by that. I was speaking to a woman one time on OLD and we were planning a date on a Sunday. I told her on Friday I was going out Saturday night and informed her I would let her know Sunday morning if I could meet her early evening. If not we could reschedule. Sunday morning I was in rough shape and told her lets reschedule. She wrote me a very nasty email claiming I never wanted to meet her I was just like the rest of them, yaddy, yadda, and I could feel the venom through my screen. I got into a huge argument with her and I never met her before IRL! Crazy! I had to tell her she was acting crazy and refused to meet her at all. She realized it and apologized. So I get the whole passive/aggressive being a turn off... I do think though, and it's a guess on my part, this woman never had much interest in OP and her responses was her playing games. Edited February 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to banned member redacted
Timshel Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) I think OP shouldn't have shown his anger. I can understand a woman being turned off by that. I was speaking to a woman one time on OLD and we were planning a date on a Sunday. I told her on Friday I was going out Saturday night and informed her I would let her know Sunday morning if I could meet her early evening. If not we could reschedule. Sunday morning I was in rough shape and told her lets reschedule. She wrote me a very nasty email claiming I never wanted to meet her I was just like the rest of them, yaddy, yadda, and I could feel the venom through my screen. I got into a huge argument with her and I never met her before IRL! Crazy! I had to tell her she was acting crazy and refused to meet her at all. She realized it and apologized. So I get the whole passive/aggressive being a turn off... I do think though, and it's a guess on my part, this woman never had much interest in OP and her responses was her playing games. She apologized?? For what? Being your 'meh, if I feel like it and have nothing-better-to-do, back up plan'......and was disappointed you would not even do that!? WOW, very sad. Edited February 4, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
elaine567 Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 This woman was not out looking necessarily for a date, she is not on OLD. she wasn't at a singles night - she merely strikes up a random conversation at a lounge party, and suddenly she is the OP's "date". Only she isn't, she is a woman with a life, she doesn't need to drop everything for some stranger she met by chance at a party, she can easily wait to see or not see him again - he can take it or leave it. 3
AMJ Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Why is it when women wonder why it takes men so long to respond to us- during ANY stage of dating, or in the relationship itself, we are called needy, desperate, insecure, codependent...the list goes on. But when men are waiting for that response from a woman, she is a selfish bitch, and he is completely justified in being angry at her for taking- I'm sorry, more than 14 hours to respond to you? Yes, people really can be THAT busy. You're not a priority in her life, you're a guy she briefly spoke to at a party. Don't assume she's playing games just because she's not dying to go on a date with you. She might be interested, albeit not as interested as you are, but that's the way it goes sometimes. At the same time, if she had responded to your first text or phone call within minutes, what would your perception of her be? She'd be a bored, needy, uninteresting woman who was sitting around just waiting for your call. 1
William Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) Folks, with this thread chock-full of insults, I'll close it up and queue it for moderation to process out some of the members here who just can't seem to discuss topics within our guidelines. If you find your posting privileges removed, this notice is your reason. After cleaning the thread up, we'll decide on disposition. --------- OK, another moderator banned out a couple hydras who were disrupting and I cleaned up the off-topic and inflammatory stuff and we'll reopen the thread to postings which respect our guidelines of interaction. Edited February 4, 2016 by William Thread reopened.
Author Kitchen Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 This woman was not out looking necessarily for a date, she is not on OLD. she wasn't at a singles night - she merely strikes up a random conversation at a lounge party, and suddenly she is the OP's "date". Only she isn't, she is a woman with a life, she doesn't need to drop everything for some stranger she met by chance at a party, she can easily wait to see or not see him again - he can take it or leave it. No, she doesn't need to drop everything, doesn't need to do anything, doesn't even need to be a nice person. She is allowed to tell me to go **** myself if she wants. The point though is, imo if you meet someone of the opposite sex at a party and give out your number (or if you're the guy and you ask for the number), you should be only doing it if you intend on speaking with that person - otherwise it's called being led on. From all my experience (and I don't have a great amount), if a woman doesn't respond within a socially acceptable time limit, she's never going to respond. 2 days is far more time than is normal, from just being a texter/caller for the last 15 years. So, I assumed that she simply wasn't interested, and therefore decided to let her know how I feel exactly. In hindsight I shouldn't have done it. Because if I did have any chance with her, I blew it, as others here have rightfully pointed out. But had I not done it, what were the chances she was interested anyway? I would think not much, although no way of knowing. Why is it when women wonder why it takes men so long to respond to us- during ANY stage of dating, or in the relationship itself, we are called needy, desperate, insecure, codependent...the list goes on. But when men are waiting for that response from a woman, she is a selfish bitch, and he is completely justified in being angry at her for taking- I'm sorry, more than 14 hours to respond to you? Yes, people really can be THAT busy. You're not a priority in her life, you're a guy she briefly spoke to at a party. Don't assume she's playing games just because she's not dying to go on a date with you. She might be interested, albeit not as interested as you are, but that's the way it goes sometimes. At the same time, if she had responded to your first text or phone call within minutes, what would your perception of her be? She'd be a bored, needy, uninteresting woman who was sitting around just waiting for your call. See above. Note - responding in an acceptable time frame doesn't mean dying to go on a date. And it's common courtesy to ask someone for their number/give it out only if you intend on following up. Also, no I don't think it's acceptable for a man to do that either.
Robratory Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) Why is it when women wonder why it takes men so long to respond to us- during ANY stage of dating, or in the relationship itself, we are called needy, desperate, insecure, codependent...the list goes on. But when men are waiting for that response from a woman, she is a selfish bitch, and he is completely justified in being angry at her for taking- I'm sorry, more than 14 hours to respond to you? Why is it when a man says he'll call and he doesn't, he wins the Worst Person on Earth award, but when a woman does that, everyone jumps in and says, "Well, she doesn't have to!" You're not a priority in her life, you're a guy she briefly spoke to at a party. Don't assume she's playing games just because she's not dying to go on a date with you. She might be interested, albeit not as interested as you are, but that's the way it goes sometimes. And all she has to do is say so. This is not about men and women. It's about basic politeness. Edited February 4, 2016 by Robratory
AMJ Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 Why is it when a man says he'll call and he doesn't, he wins the Worst Person on Earth award, but when a woman does that, everyone jumps in and says, "Well, she doesn't have to!" And all she has to do is say so. This is not about men and women. It's about basic politeness. This woman was in constant communication with him for a week. She was busy and didn't have time to call him. And she did say that, she said exactly that. Reread the OP. How is it polite to get angry at someone for taking two days to respond to you, when this is a person you barely even know?
lino Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 She's definitely not interested. Bin the number and move on. Ignore any further contact from her unless it looks like some guaranteed action.
BeholdtheMan Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 I should just forget about this one right? ::sigh:: Right Yes u r
Dylan M Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 It all comes down to the matter of intrest she has which if any not much, you came across way to strong by text after text voice mail and then sending her a message guess your not intrested. You do not ever do that you came across to her as way to needy/clingy. That is not how you raise a girls intrest or get her to go out with you it's the opposite pls don't do that your romance life with women depends on it. And if you or anyone needs free consulting advice with a dating expert contact me on kik app at dmoss01 advice is free
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