Dontunderstan Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Hi everyone. I would really appreciate any advice right now. There's this woman that I am very interested in. We met online about three years ago and always had great conversations. Distance was a factor so anything between us, any potential always seemed to fade out. Six months later I decided to drop her a line just to see how she was doing. Same thing.....great conversations but it always faded out. I decided after that to just delete her number so I wasn't tempted anymore to text her. A year and a half goes by, I was seeing someone and long story short it didn't work. Seven months after the break up I was thinking about this woman and was wondering how she was doing. The next day I happened to come across her profile again and saw that we were both living in the same state and not too far from each other. I couldn't resist so I contacted her. We hit it off immediately again and we decided to meet up that next weekend. It went great. It felt like we had known each other for years. It was so comfortable being around her. We got together the next weekend after that and we had a great time then too. Well.....shortly after that, her ex started sending her messages again. They had been broken up for seven months, and together for seven months as well. The relationship started out well but went toxic. Her ex turned very manipulative and got extremely jealous over everything she did.....hanging out with friends, family, etc. Always accused her of cheating, drunk text insulting messages....etc. It got to the point where she blocked her ex's phone number. So, the ex figured that out and went to her house. They tried to work out a friendship or are trying to, but they fight and argue all the time. Since all of this has happened, she has pulled away from me. She has said that she knows I'm good for her, that she has to deal with a lot of emotional bs from the ex. She wants to try and be friends with her but all they do is argue. I told her I was going to take a step back and let her deal with things. I made it clear that I'm not turning my back, just giving her space and that if she needs anything I'm here. She said she appreciated that. Well, I haven't heard from her now for three days. Is this normal? Has anyone else out there gone through something similar? I'm a sucker for believing that fate does play a part in life sometimes. She mentioned as well that a day before she met me she put it out there that she was hoping to find a great person/companion. We've crossed paths three times now and unknowingly we ended up in the same state. Please, any thoughts or insight would be appreciated.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 If she is still dealing with an abusive ex, then anything is possible. You made the right decision to take a step back, but also letting her know that you weren't turning your back, just giving her space to figure things out. Hopefully she cuts him out of her life completely, but this will be something she has to figure out by herself. If she doesn't, then you probably saved yourself a lot of trouble by backing off now. I hope it works out.
Author Dontunderstan Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 Thank you Scarlett for your response. Actually, this involves three females. Is it normal in situations like this for them to not respond for three days, going on four? I guess I don't understand why I'm being pushed away but I feel like I have to give her this space. All this stuff is going through my head making me anxious like: has she thought of us? Will she forget about me....etc. I guess that's just my insecurities kicking in. I just want what's best for her and most of all I want her to be happy.
introverted1 Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Sound like she is mired in an unhealthy relationship with her ex. She needs to get that sorted and her own head in a healthy place before she can have any sort of relationship with you. This is going to take more than a few days and you should be extremely cautious if it doesn't.
Author Dontunderstan Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 That makes sense, introverted. I guess it's just the waiting and the fear of the unknown. I guess all I can do is wait. I really want to ask her how she's doing but I don't think I should right now. This is driving me crazy. Time will tell. In the end, everything works out the way it should I suppose. I just don't want whatever happens be a result of me not doing what I should have.
Author Dontunderstan Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did it turn out? Any advice?
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Thank you Scarlett for your response. Actually, this involves three females. Is it normal in situations like this for them to not respond for three days, going on four? I guess I don't understand why I'm being pushed away but I feel like I have to give her this space. All this stuff is going through my head making me anxious like: has she thought of us? Will she forget about me....etc. I guess that's just my insecurities kicking in. I just want what's best for her and most of all I want her to be happy. You need to prepare yourself for the possibility that you will not hear from her for a long time, since that has been a pattern between you since you first met. I can see that you really care about her, but waiting for her probably isn't going to do you any good, it will only create more insecurity in your mind. If you can, try and continue your life as before. You are still single and free to meet someone else. If she contacts you before you meet someone, great, if not, at least you didn't waste your time waiting for nothing. Sorry, that may not sound very optimistic, but you need to think about your own happiness in the long run.
Author Dontunderstan Posted February 5, 2016 Author Posted February 5, 2016 Thank you, Scarlett. I know what you're saying is realistic. I'm just having a hard time turning my back on her. I guess we will see.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 I'm not suggesting you turn your back completely, just keep your options open. You can still leave the door open for her to reach out to you when she is ready.
Author Dontunderstan Posted February 5, 2016 Author Posted February 5, 2016 I'm going to do that. I really think her ex has totally messed her up emotionally. She's even said that I would be good for her, she's just got to get her mind right. I just get nervous because it's been several days and I'm worried about her. I just need to settle down and let her get her mind right. She knows I'm here.
basil67 Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 I guess I don't understand why I'm being pushed away but I feel like I have to give her this space. All this stuff is going through my head making me anxious like: has she thought of us? I'm going to be honest. You're not hearing from her because you are not a priority for her right now. And no, she probably hasn't thought of your relationship. She may or may not get back in contact with you. Personally, I wouldn't wait for her.
Author Dontunderstan Posted February 5, 2016 Author Posted February 5, 2016 Thank you, Basil. I guess we will see what happens.
Author Dontunderstan Posted February 12, 2016 Author Posted February 12, 2016 Well, she did call me on my lunch on Tuesday and we talked about things in general. We've been texting back and forth a little like every other day.I'm still giving her space and trying to be supportive. I guess it's a good sign, right?
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