jvc002 Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Hi everyone.. I´ve been reading some post in hopes to find some answers, but decided maybe I could share my story. Sorry for the looong post... Over a month ago my boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up w/me. Two years ago, my bf went away for a few months for work, there was no phones or internet, so we talked maybe once a week for a few minutes... I was dealling with everything ok... until one night I got really drunk with some friends and let this guy kiss me, I stopped it right away, called a friend and left. I felt sooo incredibly bad and angry at myself, letting something like that happen, doing this to the person I love. I didnt toldl him, I was afraid he would leave me. So, last month a friend of ours, that was there that day, told him.. At first he was angry, upset, sad all of it. I apologized, told him how incredibly sorry I was, that it was a stupid mistake. He then told me he couldnt do it, he didnt trust me.. deleted all our photos from facebook and changed his status to single. It was horrible. The next day I went to his house, tried to explain, apologize more... we talked for hours, and he ended up saying it wasnt just that, that we had a lot of problems and issues in our relationship, and this was just the last drop. That he forgave me, but he needed time, he needed to be alone. I decided to respect that and give him space, I went away for the holidays, it was the worst xmas and new years of my life! he texted me merry xmas, i texted him happy new year... but that was it. When I came back he texted me, because we had some payments due (we have a mutual credit card) and also wanted to return some stuff, then I also realized he deleted me from facebook. I panicked and texted him to meet me that day. We got together that night and talk for hours, we cried, I begged him to take me back.... he hugged me, we kissed and even ended up having sex. Again he told me he needed time, he wasnt ready to get back together, that we needed to work on ourselfs, and I needed to become a better person. I understood, but thought since we could kiss and all that there was hope for us to get back together... The next week we exchanged some texts, casual, hi, and so on, and since my birthday was coming he told me we could go get some lunch that day. We went out, it went ok, but still there were some akward moments, all I wanted to do was cry and tell him how much I missed him. He dropped me off at home, and I said maybe we could get together next week, he said yeah maybe and said our goodbyes. I texted him the next week, and we talked for a while, joked a bit, he send me some music,etc.. I then told him, hey maybe we could get together, and he said that this wasnt healthy, that he only did it because it was my birthday, that this wasnt ok, I started rambling again about how sad I was, how much I missed him, I know, I shouldnt have done that, but Im really emotional and Im soo sad and lonely I really need him back... He kept telling me he couldnt forget it, that I really messed up, etc etc, I could tell he still was hurt. I was more confused than ever, I though there was a chance? maybe? But maybe I was too pushy? I dont know, I felt I needed to get clousure. So I went to his house again, and we talked again for hours. Again he told me the same, that he already forgave me, that it wasnt just this mistake, that there were a lot of things that we needed to work on, that when he says he needs time, its not a week or a month, is real time, time for us to really change? Again we ended up kissing and having sex, I tried to ask him to meet again the next day, but he said this should really be the last time, that he loves me, but we shouldnt be together, that maybe in the future ???? I really really dont know what to do!! Im going insane, I dont know why he cant give us a chance... We were ready to move in together, and taking about marriage...I want to show him I can be better, and I can make him happy. I know he loves me, and still cares, but I really cant deal with this. Ive really tried to avoid contacting him, but he keeps texting me about bills, and stuff like that. We still have some money issues, so I know he will text me again, and it also hurts that he only texts me for that. I know the NC is like the best thing to do, but im so afraid he will get over me, meet someone and lose any chance. Now, next week would be our 4th year anniversary, and thats all I can think about. I know Im super weak and probably end up texting him something.. I dont know, I need some advice!
Brando Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Hi everyone.. I´ve been reading some post in hopes to find some answers, but decided maybe I could share my story. Sorry for the looong post... Over a month ago my boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up w/me. Two years ago, my bf went away for a few months for work, there was no phones or internet, so we talked maybe once a week for a few minutes... I was dealling with everything ok... until one night I got really drunk with some friends and let this guy kiss me, I stopped it right away, called a friend and left. I felt sooo incredibly bad and angry at myself, letting something like that happen, doing this to the person I love. I didnt toldl him, I was afraid he would leave me. So, last month a friend of ours, that was there that day, told him.. At first he was angry, upset, sad all of it. I apologized, told him how incredibly sorry I was, that it was a stupid mistake. He then told me he couldnt do it, he didnt trust me.. deleted all our photos from facebook and changed his status to single. It was horrible. The next day I went to his house, tried to explain, apologize more... we talked for hours, and he ended up saying it wasnt just that, that we had a lot of problems and issues in our relationship, and this was just the last drop. That he forgave me, but he needed time, he needed to be alone. I decided to respect that and give him space, I went away for the holidays, it was the worst xmas and new years of my life! he texted me merry xmas, i texted him happy new year... but that was it. When I came back he texted me, because we had some payments due (we have a mutual credit card) and also wanted to return some stuff, then I also realized he deleted me from facebook. I panicked and texted him to meet me that day. We got together that night and talk for hours, we cried, I begged him to take me back.... he hugged me, we kissed and even ended up having sex. Again he told me he needed time, he wasnt ready to get back together, that we needed to work on ourselfs, and I needed to become a better person. I understood, but thought since we could kiss and all that there was hope for us to get back together... The next week we exchanged some texts, casual, hi, and so on, and since my birthday was coming he told me we could go get some lunch that day. We went out, it went ok, but still there were some akward moments, all I wanted to do was cry and tell him how much I missed him. He dropped me off at home, and I said maybe we could get together next week, he said yeah maybe and said our goodbyes. I texted him the next week, and we talked for a while, joked a bit, he send me some music,etc.. I then told him, hey maybe we could get together, and he said that this wasnt healthy, that he only did it because it was my birthday, that this wasnt ok, I started rambling again about how sad I was, how much I missed him, I know, I shouldnt have done that, but Im really emotional and Im soo sad and lonely I really need him back... He kept telling me he couldnt forget it, that I really messed up, etc etc, I could tell he still was hurt. I was more confused than ever, I though there was a chance? maybe? But maybe I was too pushy? I dont know, I felt I needed to get clousure. So I went to his house again, and we talked again for hours. Again he told me the same, that he already forgave me, that it wasnt just this mistake, that there were a lot of things that we needed to work on, that when he says he needs time, its not a week or a month, is real time, time for us to really change? Again we ended up kissing and having sex, I tried to ask him to meet again the next day, but he said this should really be the last time, that he loves me, but we shouldnt be together, that maybe in the future ???? I really really dont know what to do!! Im going insane, I dont know why he cant give us a chance... We were ready to move in together, and taking about marriage...I want to show him I can be better, and I can make him happy. I know he loves me, and still cares, but I really cant deal with this. Ive really tried to avoid contacting him, but he keeps texting me about bills, and stuff like that. We still have some money issues, so I know he will text me again, and it also hurts that he only texts me for that. I know the NC is like the best thing to do, but im so afraid he will get over me, meet someone and lose any chance. Now, next week would be our 4th year anniversary, and thats all I can think about. I know Im super weak and probably end up texting him something.. I dont know, I need some advice! 4 years with someone and they end it over a drunk kiss 2 years ago???? There must be more to the story? Have you done this before? Is there other reasons he might not be able to trust you?? Fighting?? If he already forgave you, what's his deal? Go NC. Certainly stop sleeping with him. You've already made what you want clear. Ball is definitely in his court. NC is all you got left. Radio silence unless he makes it clear he wants you back. Sorry for your pain. Post on here and you will definitely get some great advice. All you can do is start healing and see what happens. 2
Author jvc002 Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 4 years with someone and they end it over a drunk kiss 2 years ago???? There must be more to the story? Have you done this before? Is there other reasons he might not be able to trust you?? Fighting?? If he already forgave you, what's his deal? Go NC. Certainly stop sleeping with him. You've already made what you want clear. Ball is definitely in his court. NC is all you got left. Radio silence unless he makes it clear he wants you back. Sorry for your pain. Post on here and you will definitely get some great advice. All you can do is start healing and see what happens. I've never done anything like that, I really couldn't understand why a let it happen, and I feel so bad and guilty... I know he thinks sometimes I drink to much and act stupid, this has been an issue for him, but I had already started changing bad habits ... and even told him that I would stop drinking all together if that was a problem. I told him I would do anything to regain his trust. I truly believe I deserve a second chance, at least TRY to work things out, but I think he's a very black or white person. He kept saying is not only that, our relationship wasnt going great lately, we have issues, you need to change... I mean I kwnow, we were going through some rough times, personal problems, work problems, etc,nothing more than normal couple Im really trying to avoid contacting him, I managed to avoid going to his house for two weeks... but then I get a random text, about the bills or credit card, or see photos of him at a party with some mutual friend... and now the anniversary coming... it all makes it worse! I know NC is like the best thing to do, but I really feel like crap!
DarkHorizon Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 He kept saying is not only that, our relationship wasnt going great lately, we have issues, you need to change I know right now all you can think is "BUT..." Take his words seriously. What Brando told you is true. There is really no way anyone would really throw away a four year relationship over a single kiss. There is way more behind his decision. Yes, you might try to get more answers from him, but it seems like he already listed a couple of reasons for you, and that was the nail in the coffin. The main thing here is that your mind will start rationalizing every word said trying to minimize the situation. Just keep in mind that there has to be more to the story, and when someone leaves a relationship after so long, they were - maybe subconsciously - ready to go for several months. 1
Author jvc002 Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 I know right now all you can think is "BUT..." Take his words seriously. What Brando told you is true. There is really no way anyone would really throw away a four year relationship over a single kiss. There is way more behind his decision. Yes, you might try to get more answers from him, but it seems like he already listed a couple of reasons for you, and that was the nail in the coffin. The main thing here is that your mind will start rationalizing every word said trying to minimize the situation. Just keep in mind that there has to be more to the story, and when someone leaves a relationship after so long, they were - maybe subconsciously - ready to go for several months. I actually did, when we talked I understood his reasons and he made a lot of sense, but what keeps me confused is that he kept making comments like, we need to work on ourselfs first, then maybe we can see what happens... you know, giving me hopes? Or is he just saying this to get me off his back? I even told him, dont say that if its not true, I much rather you be mean to me, so maybe that way I get it... So I never get clousure, Im just confused... I been thinking maybe its time for me to take this opportunity to go abroad and study, or do something for me, but Im to afraid to make any desitions, Im always thinking, maybe I can try one last time
DarkHorizon Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 (edited) he kept making comments like, we need to work on ourselfs first, then maybe we can see what happens... you know, giving me hopes? Or is he just saying this to get me off his back? I even told him, dont say that if its not true, I much rather you be mean to me, so maybe that way I get it... He might not know to give you a clear answer right now, so there is no reason for him to be mean to you. Don't assume he has everything figure out. Regardless, he IS clearly saying you both need to work on yourselves and "maybe see what happens." That is NOT hope. He is just stating reality to you - and right now that reality is that the relationship is over, at least until you both "work on yourselves", which can take a long time. Actually, there is no timeline, so don't wait around. So I never get clousure, Im just confused... I been thinking maybe its time for me to take this opportunity to go abroad and study, or do something for me, but Im to afraid to make any desitions, Im always thinking, maybe I can try one last time Yes, do something for YOURSELF. Now is the time. maybe I can try one last time No. If he broke up with you, you can't try to rescue the relationship on your own. He is the one who has the power of decision to come back. If he isn't willing, there is nothing for you to try one last time -- except respect his decision. Edited February 4, 2016 by DarkHorizon 1
Recommended Posts