Scottish-lass Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I've been with my new partner for 6 months and we're both in our late 40s. Before our divorces, I was in a 23 year marriage and his was 19 years. He's been single for 5 years and I ended an 18 month relationship early last year. He's definitely my Mr Right and I know that he thinks a lot of me too. He's so easy going and we just click, and both of our families approve, including our children from our marriages. The past 6 months have been amazing with him and we've not had one single argument. We text everyday and I see him 3-5 times a week and he's stayed over at mine on lots of occasions. My problem is that I'm so scared to tell him that I love him in case it scares him off and I'd hate to lose him. He's not exactly Mr Romantic and always shys away when I say nice things to him or when I start getting soppy he changes the subject. The way he speaks about his marriage, I don't think they were very lovey dovey and were more like friends than husband and wife. She cheated on him, and my ex husband did the same to me after 23 years of marriage. I know he loves me in his own little way coz he's always cuddling up to me on the couch and rubs my arm, but I wonder if he's waiting for me to say it first. I definitely see a future for us, and every time I decide I'm gonna tell him how I feel, I chicken out and can't say it. I've never had a problem saying it in the past coz I said it every day with my ex husband and ex partner. This time it's so different because he means so much to me and I worry about losing him. 1
todreaminblue Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I feel i love you is often the hardest thing to say because it really does mean something special..its a defined vulnerability that you show when you love someone to tell them that..i know you are scared....but i feel you should express how you feel...the more you try ....the easier it will become......maybe do it by non verbal means to start....little things you know he loves ....do that...be expressive in other aspects and maybe the verbal will flow from there......i wish you well.....deb 2
bigbaby Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 My guess is he already knows how you feel about him. 3
Satu Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Snip I definitely see a future for us, and every time I decide I'm gonna tell him how I feel, I chicken out and can't say it. I've never had a problem saying it in the past coz I said it every day with my ex husband and ex partner. This time it's so different because he means so much to me and I worry about losing him. You are so obviously a lovely person, that you couldn't possibly get this wrong. Just choose your moment. 1
Phenx Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I'm way younger than you and those words scare me to death. I know for a fact some people are just like that though. They get all attached real quick and maybe they do love you but it just feels like they are throwing around those words when they mean soo much. But it sounds like you guys have something here. Just go with your heart when the time feels right . 1
Author Scottish-lass Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 I've known since the very beginning that he was special to me, and if I was braver I'd probably have said ILY a few weeks into our relationship coz I fell hook line and sinker for him very quickly. I keep setting myself goals of when I'm going to say it by, but each time the words just get stuck in my throat lol. There have been countless opportunities that I could have said it and haven't. What's wrong with me?? I'm so frustrated with myself. I know that he's a keeper and he often talks about the future and includes me in those conversations, so it sounds like he sees a future with me. I know that saying ILY isn't the be all and end all of a relationship, but it just seems the natural thing to say when you're with someone you love. He told me when we first met that he doesn't do public affection, which is fine, but when we're alone he's really cuddly and holds my hand. although, when we went on holiday together for a week at the end of last year, he held my hand outside all the time.
salparadise Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I think you need to just say it and don't think of it as such a huge deal. If at 6 months he's not ready to hear it and reciprocate, then he may be a commitment phobe. But if he's talking about the future with you my guess is that he's ready but it's even harder for him to say the words. I was in the same boat a couple of months ago. I had decided that I would tell my girlfriend on Christmas Day. I believed that she felt the same and was waiting for me to say it first. About a week before Christmas we were having an intimate conversation and she get a bit nervous... said there's something I've been thinking I want to tell you. I chuckled and said, hey, you know we share everything- what could possibly be making you anxious? Whatever it is, it's ok, I can hear it. And she said, well, I've wanting you to know that I love you. I pulled her close, said it too and told her that I had planned to tell her on Christmas. I say go for it. I don't think he'll be shocked, and he'll probably say it too! Congratulations! 2
Author Scottish-lass Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 I think you need to just say it and don't think of it as such a huge deal. If at 6 months he's not ready to hear it and reciprocate, then he may be a commitment phobe. But if he's talking about the future with you my guess is that he's ready but it's even harder for him to say the words. I was in the same boat a couple of months ago. I had decided that I would tell my girlfriend on Christmas Day. I believed that she felt the same and was waiting for me to say it first. About a week before Christmas we were having an intimate conversation and she get a bit nervous... said there's something I've been thinking I want to tell you. I chuckled and said, hey, you know we share everything- what could possibly be making you anxious? Whatever it is, it's ok, I can hear it. And she said, well, I've wanting you to know that I love you. I pulled her close, said it too and told her that I had planned to tell her on Christmas. I say go for it. I don't think he'll be shocked, and he'll probably say it too! Congratulations! Awww, that's so lovely and your girlfriend is lucky to have such a loving caring partner. I know in my heart that he won't freak out and he'll probably say it back, but it's just trying to get it out of my mouth for the first time is the problem lol. I'll get there one day soon.....hopefully!! Why does love have to be so complicated? Lol
salparadise Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 Why does love have to be so complicated? Lol It's often complicated, but not always. In my past dating experiences the only ones that weren't complicated fizzled out due to lack of interest. I kept asking myself the same question- is there a correlation between complexity and degree of enthusiasm and commitment? I was starting to think it just wasn't worth it... And then I met the wonderful women I'm with now. It's simple, easy, it flows naturally. It's working in all realms- physical, emotional, intellectual, etc. We're cut from the same cloth as they say. It's not at all unusual for us to be having the same thought at the same time. It is without a doubt the best relationship I've ever experienced, and I ain't no spring chicken. Here are a few conclusions I've come to- be completely authentic and let them accept or reject you based on full disclosure. Don't try to conform to what you think they want, don't try to say what you think they want to hear. Don't assume too much and don't expect too much (in a certain sense- in another sense you should expect a lot). Communicate and let it flow. It will either work or it won't, and if it won't at least you had what it takes to reveal your authentic self and not have to wonder about the what if's. Since you're feeling it, I say it's time to say it. Let the chips fall where they may. I don't think it's too soon at all. 2
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