Space_Fan Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Hey! So, I posted something a few months back about a crush I have on a classmate/friend of mine (we're in college, I'm 22 and she's 20). Some things have changed, some haven't and I'm really confused about if she's sending mixed signals or if it's all in my mind. When we're alone, be it in person or on Facebook, our conversations are GREAT. But whenever someone else joins the conversation, whoever it is, she... stops talking to me directly. At most, she talks to everyone in the conversation, but never me directly. It's really weird and it drives me crazy when I think about it. However, I must add that she never avoids me. About 2 months ago, there was this one time she came to talk to me on FB around 11PM. I was really lucky because I was on FB at that exact moment and I could reply immediately. We kept talking and when I looked at the clock... it was 3AM. And in the conversation, we talked about all types of things about ourselves. What type of music we like, guilty pleasures, why we are taking the same course in college (and we ended up having the same reason for that), among other things. I could tell she was really interested in getting to know me better! And I just know she doesn't talk that much to everyone. We also talked once more for about one hour or two after that, but we never talked that long again. I may add we also exchanged notes one time or two in classes. I know this may sound weird, but the fact that she's so hard to read is one of the things I like the most about her. I find it fascinating and charming. I've always been like that with girls. And before you ask, the reason why it's so hard for me to get closer to her is because she is ALWAYS with her group of friends. Even though we're in college, it's similar to those high school groups girls usually have. Because of that, I rarely have the opportunity to approach her when she's alone. Anyway, I've decided to ask your opinion. Do you think she is indeed sending mixed signals, or is it all in my mind? This is a really important question, because I'm trying to decide whether I'll try getting closer or just give up. Thanks in advance and sorry if I sound like a teen boy! It's just that this situation... is very high-schooly (I try to avoid it being like this, but it's complicated).
bigbaby Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 From what you've posted, I can't tell and can't even lean one way or the other on it. Sometimes girls are shy and not forthcoming about their feelings because they don't like rejection any more than guys do. Other times, they're just being friendly and have no romantic interest. And then sometimes they might just want a bit of attention to boost their ego or pass the time and aren't interested. And so on and on and on! I think you should just shoot her a quick phone call, text, FB message or whatever. Ask her out for a specific time and day and a specific activity. That makes it clear that it's a date, as opposed to something more casual that just keeps this whole question going. (For example, an offer to grab a quick coffee right then can be construed as just friends). At the same time, asking her out for a specific date lets her easily off the hook without feeling like she has to reject you to your face (God, I used to hate that). If she says she's busy that night but doesn't come back and offer anything else now or later or any further indication that she returns your interest, that would be a good indication she's not interested. Or... are you getting a kick out of the possibility and not really wanting a final answer? It confused me when you said you like how she's unreadable or whatever.
Author Space_Fan Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 Thanks for the advice. I guess I'll try asking her out, it's the most "bulletproof" method. If she doesn't want to, I'll leave it at that and just move on. And what I meant when I said she was unreadable was that I never know what she's thinking. I was just explaining that it's one thing that I like the most about her.
AMJ Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Girls her age LOVE attention. They will talk for hours to anyone who will listen. They are also oblivious to things outside of themselves- the fact that you're interested in her romantically, for example, may be completely off her radar. Right now it's clear she thinks of you at the least, as a friend. That's great. You need to just ask her out. You'll find your answer much quicker from her than you will from us. And it cracks me up that FB is considered a place where people hang out. Don't ask her out on Facebook.
Author Space_Fan Posted February 4, 2016 Author Posted February 4, 2016 Girls her age LOVE attention. They will talk for hours to anyone who will listen. They are also oblivious to things outside of themselves- the fact that you're interested in her romantically, for example, may be completely off her radar. Right now it's clear she thinks of you at the least, as a friend. That's great. You need to just ask her out. You'll find your answer much quicker from her than you will from us. And it cracks me up that FB is considered a place where people hang out. Don't ask her out on Facebook. Thanks for your input! Yeah, I had already decided that if I am indeed asking her out, I'll do it in person. I figured seeing her reaction when I ask her will help me understand even better what she really feels. Meanwhile, her birthday is later this month and I ordered a book as a present for her (nothing too expensive). However, I'm afraid she'll find it weird I'm giving it a present on her birthday and feel like I'm... "buying" her. Although it's not my intention AT ALL. She's just someone I like having in my life. Do you think I should still give it to her, or not? I can't take the order back, now.
AMJ Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 A birthday gift is really thoughtful, and a good person would just be flattered to get a gift from a friend. A book is a good call, since it's not too suggestive or personal, but still thoughtful. I just hope you aren't disappointed if she doesn't react the way you'd hoped. You can either ask her out before her birthday, see what happens, then decide whether or not to give it to her. Or I guess you can wait to give her the gift, then ask her out, depending on how she reacts when you give it to her? Your call...how much longer do you want to wait? At that age, people enter in and out of relationships quickly..what if some other guy swoops her up before you even have a chance?
hasaquestion Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Thanks for your input! Yeah, I had already decided that if I am indeed asking her out, I'll do it in person. I figured seeing her reaction when I ask her will help me understand even better what she really feels. Meanwhile, her birthday is later this month and I ordered a book as a present for her (nothing too expensive). However, I'm afraid she'll find it weird I'm giving it a present on her birthday and feel like I'm... "buying" her. Although it's not my intention AT ALL. She's just someone I like having in my life. Do you think I should still give it to her, or not? I can't take the order back, now. Getting a 20 year old girl a birthday gift when you aren't even dating is horrible, don't do it. Take her somewhere to have fun.
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