tuxedo cat Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I've written other threads about my conflicted feelings about my boyfriend. We've only been together 2 months but I love him and feel very attached already. We have been spending 4-5 days/nights week together and each time we seem to get closer. It feels very natural being around him, I feel safe and warm in his arms. But he's ready get more serious and I have some reservations about doing so. 1) He treats me very well but he can be rather insensitive and gruff in how he talks about other people. Occasionally he's also been insensitive to me (see my last thread), but I think this has more to do with male obliviousness than real malice. 2) Although he works out every day, he's pretty much a homebody. He works as a commercial video editor which means he often works from home and seems to enjoy chilling in his apartment most nights. He'll always go out if I ask and also plans dates for us, but I feel like if it weren't for me he'd prefer to just bum around his place and watch TV when he's not working. Even his friends have to drag him out. I just find his lifestyle kind of boring. I know if I asked him to do activities he'd be happy to along with me, but somehow that's not the same. I'm not all that active myself, and I've sometimes thought it would be nice to be with a guy who could pull me a little out of my shell. On the plus side, he's smart, funny, cute, fun to be around, treats me better than any guy I've been with, is very serious about and devoted to me, has strong relationships with all the women in his family, has a loyal group of friends from college (12 years ago). We've only been seeing each other two months but in that time his consistency and interest has never once wavered. The more love I give to him, the more he returns. I think he's the first guy I've dated who has been legitimately serious about me, not all talk. He is asking now whether I'd like to move in come May if everything goes well and has said if we do well in the same space he wants to marry me eventually...has thought about possibly proposing this summer and then if I feel ready hopefully getting married the following year. He has a whole timeline worked out, so I almost feel like the guy in this situation slamming on the breaks. I told him it's early to talk about this but that I could see myself marrying him, which is true. He has also asked if we got married whether we could have kids in a few years. He tells me I'm the first girl he's even remotely considered marriage with and that he finally understands why people get married...it's not just about having a life partner but because you run out of ways to say and show how much you love someone and marriage is the ultimate expression of love. I just don't know if the pros outweigh the cons. I love him and feel strongly that he'd make a good husband and father. And I'm at an age - 32 - where I need to start making some serious decisions for my life.
Gaeta Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Sweetie you've just been dating 2 months. Don't be so in a hurry to be a young divorcée and maybe a divorced mother. If you want to move in with him than do it, you're 32 and a big girl but make sure you spend a full year with him before getting married. Has your family met him? your friends? 2
fitnessfan365 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Haha..Kind of eerie. Did professional video editing for a few years and still love it as a hobby. Also, love fitness (personal trainer) and the outdoors. But like your BF, I also prefer a more relaxed lifestyle in my downtime. Even though I plan dates constantly and my GF and I travel, she gets uneasy at times w/my homebody side. It is ironic though, that you admit to not being overly active yourself. Now on one hand, I can see where you're coming from. It's only been two months. However, pay attention to what your BF said. His enthusiasm is based on the fact that he FINALLY feels a connection with someone. I mean it'd be one thing if he was some hardcore over enthusiastic needy guy with every woman he dated. But that doesn't seem like the case. Something tells me that before he met you, he probably did take it much slower and played it closer to the vest. I was always a "dating realist" that took things really slow. But that was because deep down I knew it wasn't a great fit with a lot of the women I dated. However, I pretty much wanted my GF to be my GF after our third date and my feelings haven't changed in over 8 months with her. Only woman I've been in love with. So when something feels right to a guy, he's going to come on stronger. The fact that he communicates openly with you about this stuff is a good thing IMO. 1
xxoo Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I just don't know if the pros outweigh the cons.. The pros far out weigh the cons for dating him. You'll know in about 10-15 more month if he is "the one". 3
clia Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 I personally think May is way too soon to move in together, given all of the concerns you have had about him. Date him for at least a year before you even consider moving in with him.
lino Posted February 5, 2016 Posted February 5, 2016 Way too soon to move in together! I'd want to be going out with a girl for at least a year before that. My home is my sanctuary and I worked damn hard for it. She has to prove worthy before being allowed to move in
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