I went over to my dates house and we had a very awkward evening...

[banana90]

Let me start off by saying I'm really inexperienced and I am under the impression the guy I'm dating is too.

We have been dating for over a month. On the third date we started being touchy feely. We kissed on the fourth date and our fifth date was last night. He invited me over to his, we usually sit in the living room but his house mate was home. So this time around we went upstairs. I was fully aware of what might take place and I felt very comfortable with him so I was open to anything sexual happening (to an extent as I made sure not to shave my legs just incase I had that urge).

 

Anyway about 10 minutes into the show we were watching he decided to put his face really close to mine and I started rubbing my nose on his ear. We ended up making out for a while I put my arm around him, rubbed his back etc.

 

Then we went back to watching the movie, after a while the kissing begun again and before I knew it we were dry humping. It didn't really turn me on and I wasn't uncomfortable either, so I played along hoping I would get some satisfaction (it didn't happen). Meanwhile he mocked my breathing saying it was really heavy (so was his). He was asking if I was turned on, I said i wasn't as turned on as he was. He asked me again, I told him it didn't really do anything for me and at this point he thought I was joking.

 

He said he could tell I was turned on by the way I was responding to him, breathing and rubbing my hand along his back, wrapping my legs around him. I can totally understand this as I was quite surprised by the way I responded as I am a really shy person, I just wasn't weak in the knees. Afterwards he said he was a little wet and basically said he would usually watch porn and finish it off, but couldn't because I was there. (I know he was trying to hint for me to give him a hand). He turned over for a while then excused himself to the bathroom.

 

He came back and tried to start it up again and I got him to stop. We spent the last 30-40 minutes in silence watching TV until I called my cab. It seemed like he wasn't acknowledging me when I said i was going, but he walked me to the door. It seemed like he was upset about something but when I asked all he said was '' I'll talk to you later'.

 

I understand why he might have been upset. I know I should have set boundaries or suggested an alternative method instead of telling him I was turned off. I wanted to enjoy it, but I just wasn't turned on most of the time...it didn't even cross my mind to suggest we went back to kissing.

 

 

I don't feel like he is a bad guy. He made me feel awkward when he told me his pants were wet and he usually watches porn...I think it was pretty awkward for both of us and we haven't spoken since.

 

How do I proceed from here? Do I leave it or reach out to him?

[ExpatInItaly]

It sounds like he felt you were quite indifferent to his advances. I'm not sure how I'd have felt if a guy told me I wasn't really doing it for him. I don't think he's necessarily angry at things not progressing, but he was probably feeling pretty awkward for having failed to stimulate you in some way.

 

What would you have preferred him to do instead? For example, if dry humping wasn't turning you on, you could have said "actually, I'd love if you would XYZ because that excites me so much..." and then guided him so he'd know what you do like. This doesn't even mean you'd have had sex with him. It would have just clued him in to what your preferences are.

 

Him telling you he'd normally just watch porn was not the right way to handle the situation either. It was awkward all around.

 

How old are you both? You say you're inexperienced and you might just be right that he is, too.

 

But a big question: are you into him, in that way? If you found you weren't turned on by that level of intimacy, perhaps your gut is talking to you. Maybe that spark just isn't there.

[GorillaTheater]

Hold the phone.

 

 

Earlier today you posted about some guy who had asked you out, and said you had never been in a relationship before. You weren't sure that you could go out on a date because of anxiety, etc. Now you have a bf of one month?

 

 

What's up?

[Alamo657]

The porn thing was very clumsy on his part, so i can understand you being turned off.

 

The awkward silence after that was a consequence of a botched opportunity to have sex.

 

However, if he's clumsy and inexperienced, next time you go in his bedroom, help him out a bit before he makes a fool of himself...

[banana90]

Hold the phone.

 

 

Earlier today you posted about some guy who had asked you out, and said you had never been in a relationship before. You weren't sure that you could go out on a date because of anxiety, etc. Now you have a bf of one month?

 

 

What's up?

 

I just have a lot of questions

[banana90]

It sounds like he felt you were quite indifferent to his advances. I'm not sure how I'd have felt if a guy told me I wasn't really doing it for him. I don't think he's necessarily angry at things not progressing, but he was probably feeling pretty awkward for having failed to stimulate you in some way.

 

What would you have preferred him to do instead? For example, if dry humping wasn't turning you on, you could have said "actually, I'd love if you would XYZ because that excites me so much..." and then guided him so he'd know what you do like. This doesn't even mean you'd have had sex with him. It would have just clued him in to what your preferences are.

 

Him telling you he'd normally just watch porn was not the right way to handle the situation either. It was awkward all around.

 

How old are you both? You say you're inexperienced and you might just be right that he is, too.

 

But a big question: are you into him, in that way? If you found you weren't turned on by that level of intimacy, perhaps your gut is talking to you. Maybe that spark just isn't there.

 

You may be right,n completely understand why I may have left him confused. Whilst we were kissing I was definetly showing signs that I was into it and at the start of the dry humping, then I quickly realised I wasn't enjoying it at all. *

 

I realise that the way I phrased it wasn't great and I could have been a bit nicer about it. I didn't really get the vibe he was pissed we didn't have sex, I agree it was probably more the fact I wasn't turned on (like you said).I hope he didn't think I meant he didn't turn me on, it was the act itself. *

 

I should have suggested we went back to kissing. I just wasn't thinking. I was also really unprepared in terms of keeping up appearances (I didn't shave) , I knew there was a possibility of something happening, but I am usually quite prudish to be honest, I didn't actually think it would go that far, I surprised myself. *

 

I actually think he misheard my question. The point in time when he told me his pants were wet (Cringe). I asked what he was going to do about it, i was wondering if he was going to clean himself up. But I guess he thought I was asking what he does to relive himself and then he told me about his porn habits and hinted for a handjob basically. *

 

I am 25 and he is 30. I felt attracted to him, like I was flirting alot, being touchy feely (I never do this), enjoyed snuggling with him, kissing him. I feel like a different person about him, I'm very reserved and I've always struggled to relax around people. I just found dry humping so disappointing, like I didn't get any pleasure what's so ever..

Edited February 4, 2016 by banana90

[ExpatInItaly]

You may be right,n completely understand why I may have left him confused. Whilst we were kissing I was definetly showing signs that I was into it and at the start of the dry humping, then I quickly realised I wasn't enjoying it at all. *

 

I realise that the way I phrased it wasn't great and I could have been a bit nicer about it. I didn't really get the vibe he was pissed we didn't have sex, I agree it was probably more the fact I wasn't turned on (like you said).I hope he didn't think I meant he didn't turn me on, it was the act itself. *

I should have suggested we went back to kissing. I just wasn't thinking. I was also really unprepared in terms of keeping up appearances (I didn't shave) , I knew there was a possibility of something happening, but I am usually quite prudish to be honest, I didn't actually think it would go that far, I surprised myself. *

 

I actually think he misheard my question. The point in time when he told me his pants were wet (Cringe). I asked what he was going to do about it, i was wondering if he was going to clean himself up. But I guess he thought I was asking what he does to relive himself and then he told me about his porn habits and hinted for a handjob basically. *

 

I am 25 and he is 30. I felt attracted to him, like I was flirting alot, being touchy feely (I never do this), enjoyed snuggling with him, kissing him. I feel like a different person about him, I'm very reserved and I've always struggled to relax around people. I just found dry humping so disappointing, like I didn't get any pleasure what's so ever..

 

But he was performing the act. So by extension, I am nearly certain he took that quite personally.

 

It almost seems that even you don't really know what you like. Spend some time thinking about that. In your mind, what would have been more pleasurable for you?

[Lois_Griffin]

I am 25 and he is 30. I felt attracted to him, like I was flirting alot, being touchy feely (I never do this), enjoyed snuggling with him, kissing him. I feel like a different person about him, I'm very reserved and I've always struggled to relax around people. I just found dry humping so disappointing, like I didn't get any pleasure what's so ever..

Holy crap! I thought this guy was like 19 or 20 years old, the way he was acting. He sounds like an inexperienced kid.

 

Just...ewwww.

[introverted1]

Hold the phone.

 

 

Earlier today you posted about some guy who had asked you out, and said you had never been in a relationship before. You weren't sure that you could go out on a date because of anxiety, etc. Now you have a bf of one month?

 

 

What's up?

 

OP, can you answer this?

[GunslingerRoland]

I don't know which one of you is more awkward. So you go up to your boyfriends room, supposedly expecting sexual stuff to happen, and when it starts to you totally shut him down? I mean it's always your right to change your mind and say no, but clearly you are giving extremely mixed signals about whether you want the relationship to progress to physical or not.

 

 

And yeah, that is weird that he walked away to go masturbate... but then again you teased him and wouldn't follow through so I guess he had too.

 

 

Have either of you ever been with another person before?

[losangelena]

Ehn ... dry humping is never fantastic. Not sure why you're so disappointed that it didn't turn you on. A woman's genitals usually require more direct stimulation. Besides, if you're doing it, all the while having these other thoughts swirling around you're head, it's gonna be hard to focus and enjoy.

 

If you want to see him again, just be clear about it, and next time you see him, tell him how much he does turn you on. Things should get right back on track. However, you may want to parse out why perhaps you were not into it. I remember the first time my ex and I kissed, I was mentally going through the rolodex of all the other men I'd kissed and comparing my ex to them—jesus, red flag anyone? I was not really into it, but stuck it out. It did get better, and as I got to know, love him, I was more turned on by him, but I just totally ignored that fact.