2much4 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Is there an etiquette for "break ups" (for lack of better word) after only a few dates? Should you do it face to face, by text, by phone....slow fade? Any difference if you met through online dating or IRL?
smackie9 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 When they ask you out again, tell them "no, not interested in pursuing this any further." or if they text you, respond with the same.
mortensorchid Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Most I have met through OLD who I have been out with 2 or 3 times just ghost and I never hear from them again. I wouldn't call it a break up, but it's just a vanishing act.
scrapbooker Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Since 2-4 dates is NOT a relationship, there is nothing to "break up." You went out a few times, it didn't click, end of story. The over sensitivity these days is rampant. 3
Hopeful30 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 A few dates? There is nothing to 'break' lol... 1
Hopeful30 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Since 2-4 dates is NOT a relationship, there is nothing to "break up." You went out a few times, it didn't click, end of story. The over sensitivity these days is rampant. You must be in a bad mood today scrappy. Try not to accuse people
katiegrl Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Since 2-4 dates is NOT a relationship, there is nothing to "break up." You went out a few times, it didn't click, end of story. The over sensitivity these days is rampant. True, but if the person continues calling/texting asking you out or simply saying hi, what are you gonna do, just ignore them? Common courtesy would dictate you respond with something....letting them know you are no longer interested...rather than just ignoring them. I like what smackie suggested and that is what I do/say when faced with this issue. The lack of basic common courtesy is what is rampant these days. 6
scrapbooker Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 You must be in a bad mood today scrappy. Try not to accuse people Sorry. Sometimes I'm blunt. But, most of the time a handful of dates is not a relationship, liking a picture on instagram is not a love sign, and commenting on a facebook post is not cheating. I think people think too much. 1
scrapbooker Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 True, but if the person continues calling/texting asking you out or simply saying hi, what are you gonna do, just ignore them? Common courtesy would dictate you respond with something....letting them know you are no longer interested...rather than just ignoring them. I like what smackie suggested and that is what I do/say when faced with this issue. The lack of basic common courtesy is what is rampant these days. I agree that if someone continues to contact you after a few dates and you're not interested, you just say so. It doesn't require another meeting. However, if someone DOES ghost on you after 3-4 dates, I would recommend AGAINST tracking them down, demanding an explanation, and lecturing them on their lack of manners. It just comes off desperate and overly sensitive.
katiegrl Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 (edited) I agree that if someone continues to contact you after a few dates and you're not interested, you just say so. It doesn't require another meeting. However, if someone DOES ghost on you after 3-4 dates, I would recommend AGAINST tracking them down, demanding an explanation, and lecturing them on their lack of manners. It just comes off desperate and overly sensitive. I agree, but that is not what the OP was asking. She simply wants to know how you go about telling someone you had a few dates with that you are no longer interested in pursuing the "relationship" (for lack of a better word), and if that is even necessary after only a few dates.. I have no idea where you got the rest of it...tracking them down, demanding an explanation, lecturing them, etc. Edited February 3, 2016 by katiegrl
fitnessfan365 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 After a few dates, a text is good enough IMO. Just something simple like - "We've been out a few times, and I'm just not feeling any chemistry between us. So best of luck to you!" 2
scrapbooker Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I agree, but that is not what the OP was asking. She simply wants to know how you go about telling someone you had a few dates with that you are no longer interested in pursuing the "relationship" (for lack of a better word), and if that is even necessary after only a few dates.. I have no idea where you got the rest of it...tracking them down, demanding an explanation, lecturing them, etc. You're right. She was only asking about how to say "not interested." I got the rest from some of the whining on other threads, and it isn't really relevant.
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I believe kindness dictates at least a phone call. Something more than a text or e-mail. While that is way easier on the dumper, its so cold. I heard of someone who got fired via text recently. I was horrified.
GunslingerRoland Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I wouldn't call it breaking up, but simply replying to their message, to say that it isn't going to work for you and you don't want another date should be sufficient. I think that is enough dates, where totally ignoring their communications suddenly falls on the side of rude though.
doeblin Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I believe kindness dictates at least a phone call. Something more than a text or e-mail. While that is way easier on the dumper, its so cold. I heard of someone who got fired via text recently. I was horrified. This is really generational though. I'd bet most millennials would prefer a nice, but firm text, than a potentially super-awkward phone call. (Their lack of experience in phone conversation makes it even more awkward.) Sacking someone is different, it's much more official and potentially life changing. OP: don't be brutally honest, but do be kind, firm and clear that there will be no more dates. If the person is 26 or younger, a text is fine. 1
Jejangles Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I think it depends on the circumstances: If neither of you contacts the other after date 3 / 4, it's ok to just fade away. If the other person is still interested in you and gets in touch / asks you out, you can let them know via text (or call if you have been talking on the phone) if you're not interested. I think it's rude to ghost someone who still has interest. Just don't do what the last guy I went on 4 dates with did to me - get in touch after date 4 saying what a great time you had, talk about all the activities we will do in the future (without actually making a plan) then slow fade. That's just annoying...
thecrucible Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 I was really glad how I handled the way I did this the last time last summer, although I must say I hate throwing rejection at people. I sent him a brief but kind text outlining that I had enjoyed spending time with him but I didn't feel there was a strong connection. I actually liked a lot of qualities this guy had but something just didn't feel right when we kissed. I realised that I didn't feel enough from my end. After I sent him that text, he asked for a phone call and I obliged because I was quite happy to talk to him. Interestingly I really started to like him more in the phone call as he was being revealing about how he felt to some extent and he sounded like he was being myself and sounded relaxed and confident (but on the dates he had seemed uncomfortable). So I kind of warmed to him more but I always stick to my decisions rather than mess people about so that was that. I also agree with the above about not future faking and then disappearing. If someone disappear, then the other party must have done something horrendous, or that person is too lazy or just doesn't care about the other person. I also try not to say something I don't mean. Also don't ever try to soften the blow by saying something like "You're a really great guy. I'm sure you'll find someone who really likes you". It just comes across as condescending and tactless.
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