Chanelb Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 (edited) Im 20 and my boyfriend is 21 when we were 15 &16 when we met eachother. I lost my virginity to him and we continued to date eachother until I turned 17 (him 18), out of the blue he stopped answering my calls, and had completely disappeared for 2 weeks. I didnt even get to tell him that I was enrolling in his school in a couple days. to my surprise when I got there I saw him and his 'ex' holding hands. He knew her and was dating her before he met me. Long story short, we ended up having a class together, he apologized and we remained friends. I acted like it didnt bother me much even tho it did. It even messed with me self esteem at that time. Right before he graduated he called me letting me know him and his soon to b wife were going to the army in Hawaii and getting married. Mean while we were still having friendly convos over the phone while he was in hawaii, until I stopped it because it hurt too much. He comes back a year later divorced and with a tattoo of their anniversary on his left arm. We ended up hanging out again like old times after he bailed me out of some trouble... And now we are back together 6 years later. Its almost been a year now. I know he loves me and is sorry for playing me when I was a kid lol buuuut I just cant get over the fact he promised forever with this girl, they had dogs, a house and eveything yal! And dont even get me started on this tattoo that I have to look at everyday. I am so in love with him, and we often talk about marriage and living together. He does everything for me and im lucky to have him. Its just so hard to imagine he loved someone else other than me, lived with this person, got a WHOLE TATTOO and etc. It just sucks to know that he's already had a life with someone else. I cant help but to feel like im the second option. Its to the point Ive even become obsessed with the girl, and wondering what he liked about her that I didnt have. I often look at her facebook as well, I know pathetic right? :/ ive driven myself crazy over the thought of him loving someone else. I feel so pathetic, petty and weak. Any advice on what I should do? Edited February 3, 2016 by Chanelb
road Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Tell him this is what you need before you will consider marrying him: Send him to a plastic surgeon to get the tattoo removed. Then take your time to make sure he has matured and has done the things to restore the trust that he broke years ago. 1
Redhead14 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Im 20 and my boyfriend is 21 when we were 15 &16 when we met eachother. I lost my virginity to him and we continued to date eachother until I turned 17 (him 18), out of the blue he stopped answering my calls, and had completely disappeared for 2 weeks. I didnt even get to tell him that I was enrolling in his school in a couple days. to my surprise when I got there I saw him and his 'ex' holding hands. He knew her and was dating her before he met me. Long story short, we ended up having a class together, he apologized and we remained friends. I acted like it didnt bother me much even tho it did. It even messed with me self esteem at that time. Right before he graduated he called me letting me know him and his soon to b wife were going to the army in Hawaii and getting married. He leaves and comes back a year later divorced and with a tattoo of their anniversary on his left arm. We ended up hanging out again like old times... And now we are back together 6 years later. Its almost been a year now. I know he loves me and is sorry for playing me when I was a kid lol buuuut I just cant get over the fact he promised forever with this girl, they had dogs, a house and eveything yal! And dont even get me started on this tattoo that I have to look at everyday. I am so in love with him, and we often talk about marriage and living together. He does everything for me and im lucky to have him. Its just so hard to imagine he loved someone else other than me, lived with this person, got a WHOLE TATTOO and etc. It just sucks to know that he's already had a life with someone else. I cant help but to feel like im the second option. Its to the point Ive even become obsessed with the girl, and wondering what he liked about her that I didnt have. I often look at her facebook as well, I know pathetic right? :/ ive driven myself crazy over the thought of him loving someone else. I feel so pathetic, petty and weak. Any advice on what I should do? Reflect on the time he's spent with with YOU . . . not the one year he wasted on her. Everyone has had a life before they get with you. The quality of that life for him apparently wasn't very good. I feel so pathetic, petty and weak. -- The way to STOP that is to STOP being that way. Get a grip. Is he making you feel loved? Is he making you happy? Focus on what's in front of you and forget about the past. The more you do that, the more likely it is that this will affect your relationship with him. If you're bringing yourself down it's going to come across to him in some way or another, whether you realize it or not. Focus on your life now and the future. Stop thinking about things in the past over which you have/had no control. Do you want to ruin/damage the here and now and the future because of all that? What point does it serve to make yourself miserable now? That situation doesn't deserve your energy/emotion and time.
CarrieT Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Im 20 and my boyfriend is 21 Print out this thread and wait ten years. You will see how juvenile and silly it all appears.... You guys are all still babes. So much is going to change for you in the next ten years - you have no idea. 5
mortensorchid Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Honey, I wish I had an answer for you. Second chances are second chances, but you have to ask yourself how/why you are giving them to begin with. Is it the person in question or is it you? Some have argued on this thread that you are both young and we all make mistakes when we are young with people. To be sure, but we also make those same mistakes when we are older and more mature as well. Why do people dump each other and treat one another badly when they otherwise have no reason to? The same could be asked as to why people stay together too. Life is complicated, and the world is full of lonely people.
smackie9 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Oh good lord....people make poor judgement calls. People, at that time, will think that it is what they want only to finally snap out of it....he is right, he was a stupid kid, with your typical one track mind. This was 6 years ago...lets leave it in the past. As for the tattoo, he can go get that covered up for a lot less money, with a lot less pain than having it removed. There you can just be happy that things worked out for the both of you....it was meant to be, so respect that and go forward. 2
Lois_Griffin Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 LOL...at 21 years old, this boy hasn't even LIVED yet, much less "had a whole other life." He foolishly got married too young and learned what a stupid mistake that was. Big deal. Ten years from now, you probably won't even remember his face.
elaine567 Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Ten years from now, you probably won't even remember his face. So true. Do not jump feet first into marriage here, sounds like neither of you are nearly ready for that. He is already divorced at 21, and you have trust and jealousy issues, not a great basis for a marriage. 1
Toodaloo Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 When I was a teenager I was convinced I would marry Sly Stalone and we would live happily ever after... We all make mistakes Some of them can be really dumb. Let it go OP. Its not enough to be dramatic over. Tell him to get the old tattoo gone over with a big heart and the word Mum to cover it up.
kendahke Posted February 4, 2016 Posted February 4, 2016 Any advice on what I should do? You need to accept the fact that there is nothing you can do that will spin the earth backwards to the time before he left you and went to go be with his ex so you can get a do-over. The fact of the matter is: 1. yes, he ended your relationship is a crappy way (but you took him back knowing what went down in your absence). 2. yes, they made plans for a life together. All married couples do that. 3. he didn't do this to destroy your self esteem or to maliciously hurt you. If you're going to be with him, you will have to bury the dream you had of being his first wife and sharing the "first " experiences with him because nothing is going to change the fact that he got married to someone else. If you want a life with a man where you both share firsts, then find another man who has never been married. Stop stalking his ex-wife's facebook page. You're handing over all of your personal power to her. That is not healthy or wise. It's not her fault that you got hurt--he's the one who knew he was involved in a relationship with you and the onus was on him to either act right or tell you that he was unhappy with you before he vaporized--then kept you on the hook while he was married by continuing to talk to you. Understand that he has a comfort level in going backwards to plant the hook in the cheek of his ex. Being with him now doesn't make you immune from him doing to you what he did with you behind his ex-wife's back.
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