Big age gap??

[monica_smith]

What do you think about a 25 year old dating and being pregnant by a 43 year old man? Is it wrong?

Edited February 3, 2016 by monica_smith

[Michelle ma Belle]

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. If it works for them than it's not wrong.

[Methodical]

I agree with MMB.

 

Are you worried about ppl being judgmental or your relationship?

 

Celine Dion recently lost her husband due to cancer. They were married for 21 years and had a 26 year age difference between them. Worked for them.

[monica_smith]

Yes. I feel my parents wont accept it and I am worried. A lot of my friends are judgmental about it and wont talk to me anymore because of this relationship

[elaine567]

What are your plans? How does he feel about the baby? Does he want children/more children? What are his circumstances? Is he married, divorced, separated or single? Can he stand by you, does he want to?

Was this just a casual fling or an EM affair, or was this a serious relationship?

[lilmissjava]

Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment from others.

- W. Dyer

 

You are not here to please anyone but yourself.

[monica_smith]

He is single and hes wanted a family for a while so he is happy. But I am scared of telling my family, especially since my friends wont talk to me anymore because of my boyfriend. Because of his age. They said its disgusting and gross.

[PegNosePete]

I generally refer to Urban Dictionary for this kind of thing:

 

Urban Dictionary: half-your-age-plus-seven rule

[Methodical]

Yes. I feel my parents wont accept it and I am worried. A lot of my friends are judgmental about it and wont talk to me anymore because of this relationship

 

Assuming you are happy with your relationship, then it's not wrong. You have friends that fall into what I call "fair-weather friends" (or more accurately, acquaintances) - the kind of ppl who call themselves friends so long as the water is calm and not rocking the boat. For example, your views match theirs, you aren't in need of support (emotional moreso than financial), etc. Those types of ppl aren't true friends, IMO, and are a dime a dozen. A friend doesn't turn their back and shun you.

 

Your parents don't know, evidently. They may not be happy with your decision, but ultimately this is your life and you need to live it being true to yourself. You probably won't get narrow-minded ppl's approval, but being true to yourself is where you'll find happiness.

[GunslingerRoland]

They are both clearly adults, it's not about right or wrong.

 

 

But there are many potential downsides. They grew up in different generations, do they have much in common? Now they are both young and healthy but in 20 years, she's still going to be in the relative prime of her life, and she's going to be with a senior citizen.

 

 

My grandparents had about a 25 year age difference, and my grandmother ended up widowed for the last 50 years of her life. The first part of that, still with young kids to raise.

[JustGettingBy]

As much as there are downsides (older one having health issues, generation gap, possible income inequality), but if you are okay with these, then no problem.

[stillafool]

What do you think about a 25 year old dating and being pregnant by a 43 year old man? Is it wrong?

 

It doesn't matter if it's wrong or not, if she's pregnant it's happening. Is it you?

[stillafool]

He is single and hes wanted a family for a while so he is happy. But I am scared of telling my family, especially since my friends wont talk to me anymore because of my boyfriend. Because of his age. They said its disgusting and gross.

 

Is he planning on marrying you?

[Zippy2000]

They are both consenting adults. Whast the problem here is they are mature about it and want the same thing.

[truth_seeker]

Yes. I feel my parents wont accept it and I am worried. A lot of my friends are judgmental about it and wont talk to me anymore because of this relationship

 

Obviously, they weren't really your friends in the first place... unless this 43 year old guy has a criminal history or some kind of history that makes him a bad guy?

[truth_seeker]

You really can't help who you fall in love with... whether it's a 25 year old guy or a 43 year old guy... vice versa. If your friends were really your friends they would be happy for you.

[truth_seeker]

I generally refer to Urban Dictionary for this kind of thing:

 

Urban Dictionary: half-your-age-plus-seven rule

 

Nice! This means I can date 25 year olds.

[SwordofFlame]

You really can't help who you fall in love with... whether it's a 25 year old guy or a 43 year old guy... vice versa. If your friends were really your friends they would be happy for you.

 

Have your friends met the guy? Or are they just judging him based solely on age?

[truth_seeker]

Have your friends met the guy? Or are they just judging him based solely on age?

 

Another question to ask is are her friends single? Maybe they're jealous?

[stillafool]

OP are you coming back?

[smackie9]

hey OP you are an adult so stop feeling like you are a child when you tell your parents. It's your god damn life, and you do whatever you want with it.....whether you twirl on a stripper pole for a living or you sail the seven seas with pirates....it shouldn't matter....you are 25 years old for f sake.

[Gaeta]

He is single and hes wanted a family for a while so he is happy. But I am scared of telling my family, especially since my friends wont talk to me anymore because of my boyfriend. Because of his age. They said its disgusting and gross.

 

Who cares what they think they don't have a life with him, you do. If he makes you happy that's what important. Their opinion is probably motivated by jealousy. A man his age is more stable and has much more to offer than a man their boyfriend's age.

[RedRobin]

I'd think that she just tied herself permanently to someone she's likely incompatible with in the long term. Me personally? I would not recommend that she has the baby. if she does, then get in writing what his responsibilities will be financially and otherwise.

 

The percentage of mental disorders in children of older men is substantially increased compared to younger men... And even worse when there is a large age gap. Add to that, the odds of a marriage working with this size age gap is quite small. These are not things our parents and grandparents knew, but research has made us aware of now.

 

Long story short...don't let an oopsie ruin her life or tie her to some older dude unless he is willing to put it in writing. And she is willing to accept the possibility of having a child with some kind of mental illness.

[RedRobin]

He is single and hes wanted a family for a while so he is happy. But I am scared of telling my family, especially since my friends wont talk to me anymore because of my boyfriend. Because of his age. They said its disgusting and gross.

 

I think your friends are right, but not for the reasons they are giving you. Your parents likely (and for good reason) know that this kind of arrangement is usually not in the best interest of the younger one. Now you've gotten knocked up, and well... He's a grown ass man who should know better. You, naive and not considering the long term consequences...

[elaine567]

the odds of a marriage working with this size age gap is quite small

 

Yes

A twenty-year age difference makes a couple 95 percent more likely to get divorced, compared to a couple born on or around the same year.

For a Lasting Marriage, Try Marrying Someone Your Own Age - The Atlantic