Northwestern1011 Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Met a guy through one of those wonderful dating apps, and have a meet up set for tomorrow. From what I can assess, he seems smart, funny and good looking. But there's something that's irritating me: he's said several times now in texts and our initial messaging that I seem "guarded". This isn't the first time I've met up with a guy from OLD, and i've certainly been called hard to read before, but never directly been called "guarded" and had someone seemingly press to find out why. What neither he nor the other guys I've gone out with know is I was violently assaulted by my college boyfriend. It was years ago, I went through a lot of counseling following the incident, and feel like a stronger person for it. However it did shape my aloofness towards men, and while I'm certainly guarded, it's not something that's ever served me poorly to protect myself But just in the limited conversation I've had with him this far, seems to want to pry and find out *why* I'm this way. And that's not a conversation I have, until months in if at all. This guy is finishing a phD in clinical psychology, so I also realize it's harder to hide things like that from him, even in a first date, than it would be many other men. I also found out he's got demons of his own--he got divorced (no kids) very young, and that makes me leery for fear he will project that on women he pursues. He's very opinionated form what I can tell--which can end up being confident or just pompous. To top it off, I've been functioning with near laringytis this week from a cold (I feel great, I just haven't been able to tell much). Based on all that, should I even bother going on the date? Or does it sound like red flag city? Is it necessarily a rude thing when a man asks if you're guarded, or just curiosity? I'm in my mid 20s and he's in his late 20s Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 No I absolutely would NOT go on this date. You haven't even met yet, and he is calling you guarded? You have every right to be guarded, you haven't even met him yet! What the hell is he expecting anyway? Jesus. He sounds like a control freak. Take a pass, he will drain your psyche. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Pass. He's not the last man left in the world. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 I vote "no" too. He does not sound like he'd be fun or enjoyable at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Sounds like he sees you as a project. I would avoid at all costs, these types of people pry and invade privacy. He sounds like he lacks appropriate boundaries, little wonder, dysfunctional people are often drawn to the helping professions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Northwestern1011 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 The plan was we'd meet for lunch today (frankly, on a weekday, I hate that anyways, because like the rest of the working world, that gives me 1hr for s lunch break, and 20 or so of that is consumed with driving to/from). But I haven't talked to him since yesterday afternoon ("when we'd play it by ear" about me being sick), and he never made an effort to find out/set a time (hello, my lunch break is at a set time), and never set a place. My lunch would now be in a couple hours. I hate surprises, even when I'm well. And I'm hoarse. So I'm cancelling. I vetted him with someone I know who knows him, and she says he's actually not pretentious, and had nothing bad to say about him. Link to post Share on other sites
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