salterfl Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 (edited) I was in a relationship for 1.5 years with a really nice guy that loved me for everything that I was. He eventually wanted to get married, but when that happened I feel like I had reservations. He has no real goals, or was never very ambitious. I wanted to pursue other things but he was relatively content with his life. But I felt like if we wanted to be together something was going to have to change. I suggested different things to him and urged him at some point to go back to school. Eventually our interests in the future and just everyday things started to break because I felt like he was soo stuck. My resentment followed and it just sort of snowballed. We got into an argument and decided a breakup was the healthiest option. I told him later though that I felt miserable and now I miss him so much and I feel like I lost out on a great guy. He won't talk to me and says he just wants to move on, but I feel like he is just giving up and it's killing me. I thought he was so in love with me, and eventually he would want to invest in us. I feel awful and I feel like somewhere along the line he will find someone else who he will change for. It's very recent and I don't know at all if is hurting like I am. Edited February 3, 2016 by salterfl
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I feel awful and I feel like somewhere along the line he will find someone else who he will change for. Maybe he will find someone who he doesn't have to change for. He can be accepted for who he is and what wants out of life. That is his choice to make. I'm sorry you are hurting. It is difficult to end a relationship with someone you care about, but just because you care about someone doesn't mean that you are right for each other. You want a different sort of man. You can't make him fit your ideal, it isn't fair. Likewise it would be unfair for him to expect you to change your values to become more like him, you would hate that. It sounds like he understands this now, which is why he trying to move on. There is nothing wrong with wanting a partner with a similar outlook and values, but you can't force it on someone. This is all fresh and painful right now but in time it will get easier. 4
ExpatInItaly Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 It sounds like you two were just not compatible. If he was happy the way he was, he would have resented you trying to change him...much the same way you resented him for not living up to what you felt was his true potential. What exactly were the problems? Was he not working at all, or..?
elaine567 Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Women often tend to want to change men, they find one and almost immediately want to make him something he isn't. What would you think of a man who wanted to change your friend into an ambitious career woman, when you knew her dream was always to be a SAHM with loads of kids? or a man who wanted to keep his woman at home when you knew your friend always had dreams of travelling the world? Lovely man that he was, your ex was not the ambitious type and you recognised that incompatibility early on - which is actually good. You inevitably split up - which was also good, as you would have made each other miserable had you got married. 1
Author salterfl Posted February 3, 2016 Author Posted February 3, 2016 I just feel awful because he has completely shut me out.
PegNosePete Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I just feel awful because he has completely shut me out. Yeah, sorry, but you have split up right? That is what happens when people split up. They move on. Often that involves shutting their ex out. It makes it easier and less painful to move on. You should really take a leaf out of his book. He's made it clear that he is not interested in trying again with you. It's time for you to move on too.
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