renny Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I'm just curious. Ladies when do you know that the ex is history? When do you know that all of his pleading, emails, letters, etc, is now falling on deaf ears? Also, when you move on with a new man, is it the physical part of the relationship that slams the door on the ex, or is it the mental aspect of falling for the new man that lets you know that you're truly over the ex, and will never look back? If the ex is persistant, and won't accept the new reality, are you willing to give him the hard truth, say things about the new man that my hurt him, if thats what it takes for him to give up, leave you alone, and move on? Guess i'm wondering because so many guys mentally wreck themselves trying to get back, even after the "ship has sailed" so to speak. Thanks
Brando Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 The lady dumpees are out having a good time my friend haha. I think it's over long before they tell you it's over. It has been in my case (I'm not a lady), but when I've broken up with girls I contemplating it for months and had the breakup talk when I was done. I think if women don't dump on a whim out of anger or a fight, then it is probably very similar for them. Every circumstance is different. My ex dumped me a year or so back after some girl told her I had been hitting on her. An order of flowers, a day or 2 to clear the air and an apology later we were fine. When she dumps because feelings are not there or they met someone else. That ship has been sailed. That's why NC off the bat is so important. 1
CTRL C Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I'm just curious. Ladies when do you know that the ex is history? When do you know that all of his pleading, emails, letters, etc, is now falling on deaf ears? I can only speak from my personal experience, but I knew he was history when I realized I not only couldn't see him in my future, but that I didn't want him there. I left simply because I didn't want to be there anymore - his pleas were not going to change that fact. Like Brando said, the relationship was over long before the breakup (which based on comments here on LS, that's typical.) Also, when you move on with a new man, is it the physical part of the relationship that slams the door on the ex, or is it the mental aspect of falling for the new man that lets you know that you're truly over the ex, and will never look back? That door shut the day I left, not when a new guy came around. But I suppose the emotional connection with someone new would be something of marked significance, show that I'm ready to start fresh. If the ex is persistant, and won't accept the new reality, are you willing to give him the hard truth, say things about the new man that my hurt him, if thats what it takes for him to give up, leave you alone, and move on? No because a new man wasn't a factor in the old R not working out. If he demands reasons, I'll give him reasons, but they will be about the failure of the R, not about the new guy that may or may not exist. If ex can't accept them, he gets blocked and ignored. I'll be honest but I'm not going to spend all my time trying to convince him that my reasons are "good enough." 1
AMJ Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 This all really depends on the circumstances. It's possible to break up with someone but never get over them. Maybe I ended the relationship because we just wanted different things in life, but I'll always have feelings for him. Just because she's dating someone new, doesn't mean her feelings for her ex are gone. Moving on is a process that depends on so many factors- the seriousness of the relationship, maturity of people involved, an individual's self-respect and strength. Obviously it's usually easier to move on when you're the one who ended the relationship. People who are dumped typically have a more difficult time moving on- no one likes to be rejected but it can go deeper than that. Can a guy win a girl back? Sure, of course he can! It depends on the specifics. 2
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I was the dumper that ended 2 major relationships. The first I ended after more then a decade; we had lived together for several years but I moved out to relocate for work & buy a house. Although I still loved him dearly I knew he would never marry me & I knew I had to end this because every day we stayed together without a proposal was tearing another piece of my heart to shreds. I lied when I ended it, saying I didn't love him anymore. He tried to win me back & did many things he never did when we were together but I was too angry to listen & I really resented the fact that it took something so drastic for him to step up. Maybe if I had heard him out, he would have proposed but I'd been on that merry-go-round before. I'd pull away & he'd dangle another carrot in front of me & I'd cave. It was a bad cycle. The 2nd one lied to me about something major & unforgivable. I was done --emotionally mentally & physically -- the minute I found out. When I dumped him there was no hesitation, no equivocation, just pure stone cold anger. If I was a cartoon, you would have seen the icicles dripping from my words as I calmly but firmly told him it was over. He didn't even try ot argue. Just said he was sorry & walked away. 2
stillafool Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 For me. I'm already disconnected when I break up. I don't say things I don't mean so when I break up I mean it.
Toodaloo Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I will try and speak up. I will talk. I will discuss. That is BEFORE it becomes a problem. If it doesn't change I start checking out mentally, once that happens the physical drops off. If there is still no change I am outta there. I tried really hard with my ex. In the end if he hadn't have done the deed I would. I couldn't stand to be near him. 2
Miss Peach Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Assuming it's a rs and not just a few dates... I'll speak up and give the guy a chance to do something if it's a fixable problem. I've found most guys I've dumped just pay lip service to it though and try to keep the status quo. That's why they get dumped. If we just can't get on the same page about something really important (i.e., marriage, kids, etc.) I'll end it right there because those things can't be changed.
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