Help! Should I attempt to get her some mental help or should I figure she's worthless and lies and d

[big_reds75]

Hello I'm new to this board and I'm looking for some advice here as I've never been in this kind of situation and I'm very confused as to what to do and what to believe. Ok this is an interesting one so I'm going to tell everything from the beginning to the present.

 

I met this girl on the internet a year ago. She was coming out of a relationship when we met and I was single at the time. We chatted for awhile and never met each other in person. The same week we met we were supposed to meet at a bar and she didn't show up, we just met no big deal right? Well the first month or so we talked about what we wanted in a relationship and life. Well eventually we ended up falling for each other and calling each other b/f and g/f and still haven't have met at this point.

 

As time goes on she asks me to pay her bills and buy her stuff, bascially she wanted me to take care of her. Well before I do all this I ask her when we will meet because everytime we have attempted to meet in person she has come up with an excuse why we couldn't get together and she promised that we would hang out the next day. As you may have guessed the next day rolls around and it's again another excuses and put off again. Well me being the trusting man I am I say ok I believe you and I comply with what she wants and yet not getting what I want.

 

But over time, about 3 months in, her ex pops back in the picture and all the sudden I find myself in competition with him. And mind you she has little to no remorse about putting off seeing me at all. At this point we still haven't met. Well he supposably goes away and moves on, but he will pop up again later on. And he wasn't the only guy she would throw up in my face and threaten to leave me for. There would be 4 more and recently she has done the same thing....her reason being she wants someone who'll take care of her. She's 26 and doesn't work and still lives at home with her parents. Now here's another twist to my current soap opera, when we first met she told me she had no kids and has never been married but recently I accidently found out that in fact she was married to her EX that keeps popping and that he has been threatning to take her to court to get all his money back that HE gave her during their marriage which raises my eyebrows. Now when I ask her about her marriage she gets defensive and tells me that she's divorced now and shys away from the subject, like she's hiding something. Anyhow she tells me the only way at this point to keep her around is to give her more money. But that's not going to happen anymore.

 

Now to this day I have yet to have seen her person period. I have sent her many flowers, paid her bills which don't ammount to anything and have spoiled her with gifts and paying for her shopping. And yet all I ever get from her is excuses and empty promises and no remorse for her actions. This past weekend was typical and was the last straw in my growing impatience. My Army unit was having a special family day thing this weekend and I wanted her to show up for it and told my buddies and my chain of command that she would be there as they needed to know how many people would be there. Well the day of the event she was late and I called her cell and I got no answer and 2 minutes later I called again and she answered and I ask where she was and she yelled at me saying she had a flat and I didn't even like I cared and at the time and now I think it was just another one of her excuses. Well she promised to make it there and still no show. So now I look a fool in front of all my fellow soldiers and my commander. Still no remorse for her actions. She has been making every excuse for the past year for not meeting me ranging from she fell asleep to she has "cancer" and wants to get better first all along she seems to clear her busy calender when she wants to drink or go out, seems very strange to me.

 

She is constantly acusing me of playing games when I in fact put everything into being with her, she constantly acuses me of lying when in fact I'm not, she always tries to blame me for everything while she takes no blame and uses her looks to excuse her.

 

She I attempt to get her some mental help or should I figure she's worthless and lies and deserves only to be dumped? I wanna figure this girl out.

[seagirl]

Speaking as a woman, DO NOT waste any more of your time and money on this girl!!! She is using you and I am sorry to be so blunt but has been making you look like a fool since you paid the first of her bills. Stop it!

 

Do not worry about getting her any mental help, leave her alone or maybe try to find out why you are so willing to be used this way.

 

Do not call her, don't write her, don't e-mail her, nothing! There are planty of other girls out there who will treat you right and meet your needs and do everything else without all the games.

 

You can do this!

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by seagirl

Speaking as a woman, DO NOT waste any more of your time and money on this girl!!! She is using you and I am sorry to be so blunt but has been making you look like a fool since you paid the first of her bills. Stop it!

 

Do not worry about getting her any mental help, leave her alone or maybe try to find out why you are so willing to be used this way.

 

Do not call her, don't write her, don't e-mail her, nothing! There are planty of other girls out there who will treat you right and meet your needs and do everything else without all the games.

 

You can do this!

 

Precisely. Probably most of what she's told you has been a lie and a way to manipulate you into buying her things and paying her bills. I'm sorry, but I doubt she ever cared about you. Her excuses were just completely made up stories. You've probably never met her because she's not 26 and doesn't look anything like what she may have described herself as or sent you a picture of. She just used you. Next time a woman asks you to pay her bills, think about telling her to take a hike. You don't ask someone you love to pay your bills and threaten to leave them if they don't. You also don't constantly throw other men in their face. That's pure manipulation meant to get as much money out of you as possible.

 

Don't even bother granting her the courtesy of a formal dumping. You two were never bf/gf. You were just one of her probably many cons. Don't contact her again.

 

You definately need to think about why it took you so long to catch on that she's up to no good and why you're still inclined to buy into her nonsense. The red flags were flying all over the place. You may want to look into getting the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" that ConfusedinOC's been pushing. I've never read it, but from the sounds of it, it could help you out.

 

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It makes me angry that someone would do this. You obviously don't deserve it.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

How on earth could you have let this go on for this long? Ever heard of the three strikes and you're out rule? You have given this "woman" the benefit of the doubt for waaaay too long. Delete her from your life and find someone who respects you, not someone who is just using you as she obviously has.

[reservoirdog1]

I don't think she needs mental help. I think she saw an easy mark and took full advantage. I mean, come on... a guy who'll pay her bills and buy her stuff without even having met her? What's not to like?

 

She definitely got a lot out of the "relationship", while you got bugger all. Forget her.

[moimeme]

Oh. My. God. Buddy, you have been a total patsy. Conned.

 

Read this carefully: never ever EVER pay bills for, give gifts to, or otherwise fork out dough for a person you have never met. For all you know, she's seventy-five and has fifteen other gullible men dangling on the line just like you.

 

Forget therapy for her; maybe you should go see a counsellor and have some sense talked into you so you'll never be hooked like this again.

 

I hope you haven't given her your credit card number or any other financial details!!!

 

Oh, and in case I haven't made it crystal clear, DUMP HER IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

If someone has such a low self-esteem to keep pursuing someone who they have never met, who keeps blowing them off, makes them pay their bills and generally treats them like s***....then I would say that they are the ones who need some therapy to regain their self-respect.

[go_reds75]

Thanks everyone, bluntness is good. I need to get away from her, she is bad news. I was going through alot when I met and I suppose she did take full advantage of it. I had of trouble adapting to alot things after coming out of the military. Around the time I met her. I'm just now beginning to come to my senses. Thanks alot hearing someone's oppinion from the outside and the bluntness really helps.

[faux]

You actually paid bills, and sent gifts to a woman you have never actually met in person? This woman played you like a deck of cards. I don't think she'll be seeing you any time soon unless you stop handing out free money to her. Hopefully you realize what a ridiculous situation you've gotten yourself into here, and you'll stop talking to her. Please don't keep in touch with this woman in any way, and please don't ever repeat this mistake again.

 

I don't know how you cannot see what type of situation you are in. A woman that you met on the internet keeps making excuses not to see you. She asked you to pay her bills and you did. She was saying that the two of you were an item when the two of you never met. I don't understand how you cannot realize you are being used, and I also cannot understand how you got yourself into this situation in the first place.

 

People make a lot of strange mistakes, myself included. I hope you can realize how big of a mistake this woman is, and back off before it is too late.

[morrigan]

She's not mentally ill, she's manipulative. For all you know she could be a teenage girl or an elderly woman, she could be married for that matter. You don't know this woman--you only know the persona she has created and used on you. Stop contacting her now--change your phone, email account, and have absolutely nothing to do with her. Don't send her any more money, and it wouldn't be a bad idea to call the companies that you paid bills to and notify them you are no longer responsible in any way for (her name) bills.

 

Does she have any of your credit information/credit card or social security numbers? If she does, you need to call the three major credit bureaus (Equifax, TransUnion, and Experian, they're all online) and get a fraud alert put on your credit, so you'll be notified if anyone, including you, tries to get credit in your name. This whole scenario sounds like a fraud.

[SpykiE]

First off, I would just like to say this....WTFing HELL?! The fact that you let this go on for longer than a month and then the fact that you started paying HER bills.... I really cannot believe that this is a scenario that actually happened and that you ALLOWED this to happen.... I'm just gonna shake my head and continue walking. I don't mean to sound real blunt when I say this, but are you dumb?? Because from the looks of things, she played you like a little school girl. I'm sorry, but I, I just need to stop at that... good luck buddy and dump that b*tch before you does anymore damage!

 

-=SpykiE=-

[millefiori]

I think this is the first time ever that I did not read the whole first post, but just stopped reading in the middle of it and continued skipping briefly over the rest. The same with the other posts, because I can imagine that everybody has told you basically the same. GET OUT.

 

And do take a good hard look at yourself - why are you doing this? Why do you let this happen? Someone who lets himself get manipulated and used to this extent must have some problems with his self-esteem.

 

I really can't believe what I just read.

[scarlyjones]

This is soooo bad that I cant believe that this post is actually real. Please tell me this isnt real. If it is,.....uh....I have this rather high phone bill,....................