middleagemale Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Well here I am, divorced last summer (she left me), 3 kids and back in the dating scene. Had an old friend hook me up with a girl. I'm 39 she's 32. He gave me her contact info and she was expecting the contact. So we set up first date. Date 1: Picked her up at 5:00. She invited me in and showed me around her house (she just moved in a couple weeks prior). She was very chatty, in a good way. We then went out for eats and drink (30 min. drive). Had a good time, found several things in common. When I was paying the bill she offered to stop off at another local place to buy me a drink. We went there and after the first drink she offered a 2nd. We talked about our upcoming week and I noted about going to a large public automotive event after my work day at an office 2 hrs away. I asked her if she had ever been there and her response was "no I've never been but read about it.... yeah I'd go there with you". Date #2 set and I didn't have to ask. I could see she seemed slightly buzzing at that point as we both had a few to drink. After the 2nd drink there she asked if I wanted to go somewhere else. However we ended up heading back up to her place and she invited me in for a glass of wine. At that point she and her sister and BF ( lived next door) were texted back and forth about us coming over. We walked over and had a nice chat the four of us. She then started touching my hand, I did the same back and she even came over next to me, leaned in touching her head to mine..... yes I could have given her a kiss probably right then but she was past buzzed, guess I'm just a gentlemen. After this she invited me back in her place for a min., gave me a hug and I left (1:00am).... she made the comment that "we have so much in common" 3 different occasions through the evening. We definitely clicked. Next evening I called. We confirmed the date to the event. At that point she noted a band playing locally the weekend after that in which I showed interest. Oh, and she asked me how the night ended. She didn't remember me leaving or that she gave me a hug.... good thing I didn't kiss her at that point I guess. We swapped a couple texts through the week confirming the 2nd date event. The next saturday I picked her up at 9:30am, 2hr drive there, 2 hrs back plus time at event and dinner afterwards. We chatted the whole way there and back and at dinner. Never a dull moment. On the way up at one point talked about snow skiing and how we hadn't done it in awhile. I asked her if she had plans to go this winter. She says "I'd like to if I could find someone to go with, otherwise I'll take my daughter" (4yrs old) and then repeated the same thing again as if she was hinting something??? Because of that I simply asked her if she would be interested in going sometime, she said yes. Had a good time at the show, she seemed to enjoy it. I did the "hand on the lower back" a couple times through the show. We then went for dinner and she really seemed to enjoy that as well. Here's where I may have messed up. On the way up we talked about food in general and some different dishes we liked making at home... she likes that stuff. On our way back home I asked if she would be open to coming down to my house and me making "insert cooked dish here" some evening. With slight hesitation she said to the likes of "not saying no but would need to figure out a free evening" - again she has a daughter, I know it's tough. We talked all the way back home (2 hr trip remember). We briefly talked about meeting up for lunch sometime as well. Now I know she had to get her daughter back from sitter when we got back. I was now 8:30pm. Long day with me. When we pulled into her place she said "I'd invite you in but need to get my daughter". I started to unbuckle (was going to walk her to the door and try that first kiss) and said " here I'll get the door" and she said "that's ok" and opened the door and as she got out she said she'd be in touch about the band and lunch. She then thanked me, gave me a couple quick pats on the arm and closed the door. She then waived at me as I was pulling out of the driveway. Next evening I texted her "hope your day was good" but was late. She replied next morning. That evening I tried calling and left a quick message. An hour later she messaged back that "Just got your vm, had a tough time getting her daughter down to bed, not a good start to the week, I'm wore out, I'll chat later good night". This was Monday. Didn't hear from her all week so Thursday evening I texted "hope your day treated you well, Still on for the band this weekend?". She resonded that it had been one of those weeks, picked up a head cold, haven't got a sitter yet, not looking good at the moment. So then Friday early evening I texted "Would you be up for a phone call this evening, it would be nice to chat with you".....again she has a daughter to get around and wasn't feeling good so I didn't just want to call. Her reply she now said "I've had some issues corresponded this week, not in a very chatty mood. sorry i'm being short. Right now need to focus on some personal things. I hope to stay in touch and things will blow over soon. I hope you understand". I just responded "I understand, sorry you're going through the stress this week. Please stay in touch, I really enjoyed spending the time together". That was 4 days ago. I guess I feel the interest on her part has faded. Yes it was just a couple dates but was Wow'd by how well we seemed to click. This wasn't just some normal "we had a good time" couple of dates I didn't feel. Guess I felt we were connecting better than that. While this doesn't look like it's going anywhere I'm open to advise as to maybe what I've done or didn't do and what, in a womans perspective, I should be doing in the future. Who knows, maybe she does still have interest and has some things going on? I just don't know. Just wanted to get better perspective on the situation.
smackie9 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Take her word for it, she is going through some personal problems. You only have been out a few times, she barely knows you, so she isn't going to give you the details. The ball is in her court. When she is feeling better, she will call you.
lilmissjava Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 All you can really do is give her the space she has asked for. Meanwhile, you keep doing the things you do. If she was truly interested she will reach out at some point. But don't hold your breath. Life happens in between dates and sometimes we need that reminder.
Robratory Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 There's a time-space continuum problem here. To you, it seems like centuries pass between messages. To her, it seems two seconds can't go by without you hounding her again and again, and oh, my God, my daughter, and work, and my head cold, and I can't find a sitter, and this guy is just... just... ARGH! Under the best of circumstances, dating a single parent is challenging for both. There's just never enough "me" time. I did the "hand on the lower back" a couple times through the show. In general, don't do stuff like that. Don't try to be sly. It doesn't work. She may not even notice it, and if she does, she might like it but she might think it was creepy. If you like a girl, and it's appropriate (she's not your boss's daughter and she's not too young), say so! So far, it doesn't look like you've made any romantic gesture at all. Don't worry so much about being a gentleman. They only want you to be a gentleman if they don't like you. If they do like you, you can be Conan the Barbarian. Give her another two days, so it's been a total of six days, almost a week with no contact, and then call her and invite her out to something casual and local. If her life is still in turmoil, well, if she's lying, she's lying, but if she's not, it's the same thing -- she doesn't have time to date, and you'll need to look elsewhere.
Author middleagemale Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 Take her word for it, she is going through some personal problems. You only have been out a few times, she barely knows you, so she isn't going to give you the details. The ball is in her court. When she is feeling better, she will call you. My same thoughts in general. I would never expect her to give me details. Should I read into the vibe (or lack thereof) I got when I dropped her off after the 2nd date? Everything seemed great until that "pat on the arm". Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Yes ball is her court at this point. Question though, being that Valentines day is less than 2 weeks away, if I don't hear from her by mid next week (couple days before V-tines weekend) should I bother asking her out for that weekend say the Wed or Thurs before?
hippychick3 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I would assume she either lost interest or there's another guy in the picture. Sorry, OP. No one can really count on anyone after just a couple dates no matter how well the dates went. That's why no one should let themselves get attached or invested early on. I wouldn't ask her out for Vday. At the very most, maybe a text in a few days just letting her know you're thinking of her and to touch base when she's ready. Then leave it alone.
Author middleagemale Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 First off as of now I am waiting and giving space, and will wait to do anything. So a different question would be, how would I show true interest at the spot I'm in....if even possible? I won't be bumping into her anywhere anytime soon if ever. However, would a "good morning beautiful" text be a decent idea? Or is that is bad all around? If I were to do this I would probably wait until next week. Or should it be done earlier? If she has things going on is it truly best to play the waiting game? Or do I just flat out not expect not to hear back period?
smackie9 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 She says she is sick and has to deal with her kid (probably sick too)....I say by Friday would be a good amount of time, to just send a text asking how she is doing. Wayyy too early to be saying "good morning beautiful" that is left for when you are official or at least sleeping together.
Author middleagemale Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 (edited) She says she is sick and has to deal with her kid (probably sick too)....I say by Friday would be a good amount of time, to just send a text asking how she is doing. Wayyy too early to be saying "good morning beautiful" that is left for when you are official or at least sleeping together. Thanks for the feedback so far. The sick part isn't so much the issue as where the day after she said "...but right now I'm needing to focus on some personal things. I hope to stay in touch. I hope you understand" part. This was last Friday. Not meaning to question your comment, just trying to be sure we understand the situation. While to me that sounds like "im done", if there is still a chance I don't want to miss out. None the less it is what it is. Edited February 2, 2016 by middleagemale
introverted1 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I have a slightly different take. Her drinking and apparent lack of boundaries on date 1, pull-back on date 2, and then her flakiness on what should have been date 3 (when was she going to tell you about the head cold + stressful week + no sitter?)... not getting a good vibe about her at all. I would not make another contact. She knows where to find you. Assuming you want to be found... 1
clia Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 It sounds like all was going well until... Here's where I may have messed up. On the way up we talked about food in general and some different dishes we liked making at home... she likes that stuff. On our way back home I asked if she would be open to coming down to my house and me making "insert cooked dish here" some evening. Most women view the invitation to a guy's house where he is going to "cook for her" () as an invitation for sex. Just FYI. For some women, it can be a huge turn off when this is suggested too soon. That may have happened in this case. Her responses to your texts don't make her sound very interested in seeing you again. If she really liked you, she'd find a way and suggest something. On the off chance that there really is a lot of stuff going on in her personal life that is preventing her from keeping you around, you may here from her eventually, but don't hold your breath.
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