Spunkydiva08 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I've been dating someone for 8 months. We're both separated from our spouses and both filed for divorce. Right before New Years we found out I was pregnant. He told his wife he needed to go on and get their divorce finalized and that he was moving on with me and our baby. Well that's when the chaos started. After 2 years he says of silence on her end she all of a sudden she wanted her husband back. She starts calling and texting nonstop, showing up at his house, doing all kinds of stuff. She demanded that I have an abortion. He told her no and we're going to be together and keep the baby. In the meantime she's making me anxious, so I start fussing and telling him to get this under control. So now he has 2 women ranting. It finally came to a head this weekend when she showed up at his house and demanded I go home so they could talk. I refused and initially he told her I wasn't leaving. But then she has their daughter so this is getting out of hand in front of her. I eventually leave. Later on I get back to his house and we get into an argument. He finally says, I can't do this anymore I'm done. He says he doesn't want me anymore and he's done. I haven't heard from him since then. I feel lost over here. I now have a baby that I'm carrying and a father who will not deal with me. This is a mess. He says my insecurities have ruined our relationship. I had him but I wouldn't shut up. So I guess I'm asking, what should I do at this point? Give him space? Apologize? Cry, beg, plead? Move on?
LostOnes05 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Move on and let the court handle visitation since he can't be bothered. 10
Author Spunkydiva08 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 That response tickled me. Straight to the point 2
Robratory Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Yes, sue him for child support and that's about it. Do NOT let him get away with it. On the other hand, is ending the pregnancy really off the table? I mean, think of the child! Can you give him a good life? Or will he one day unburden himself with a therapist and curse you for the childhood deprivations you visited upon him? 1
GorillaTheater Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Move on and let the court handle visitation and child support since he can't be bothered. Fixed it for you. 3
Author Spunkydiva08 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 I get that the courts will get involved but I guess I'm trying to figure out if this can be salvaged. I still love the man.
AMJ Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Wow- I am so sorry this happened to you. This literally is a mess. My best friend has been through custody issues over her daughter for years, it's honestly a horrible process just to watch, I can't imagine to go through. And in the middle of the fight is this little girl, who didn't ask to have parents who weren't always thinking of her best interests, and sometimes don't act very maturely now. I feel bad for her all of the time. The only advice I have is to take care of yourself, do what's best for you- more importantly what's best for your child, should you decide to keep him/her. Keep him out of your decision making process until he proves he's going to be there to support you. 2
smackie9 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Give him the space he needs....maybe for a few months. I don't think he is going to "go back" to her. He needs to focus on fixing this mess with his ex. Don't give up yet. 1
LostOnes05 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Fixed it for you. Haha, yep! I get that the courts will get involved but I guess I'm trying to figure out if this can be salvaged. I still love the man. Well, try reaching out again. If he isn't receptive to support for the child then start getting some consultations to protect yourself and your child. 1
Author Spunkydiva08 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 I was already thinking about that. I was thinking that when I hit about 7 months I needs to start talking to an attorney.
smackie9 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 You know that song "Stand by Your Man''? here's a tip: in times of stress, don't be a part of the problem, be supportive.....you should have been there for him. This is killing him too, so don't kid yourself that he doesn't care. That's why I say sit tight, he will come around for you the the baby. 6
Author Spunkydiva08 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 You know that song "Stand by Your Man''? here's a tip: in times of stress, don't be a part of the problem, be supportive.....you should have been there for him. This is killing him too, so don't kid yourself that he doesn't care. That's why I say sit tight, he will come around for you the the baby. Thank you. I appreciate that. And he was saying the same thing, I should have trusted and supported him.
AMJ Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 After 2 years he says of silence on her end she all of a sudden she wanted her husband back. She starts calling and texting nonstop, showing up at his house, doing all kinds of stuff. She demanded that I have an abortion. It finally came to a head this weekend when she showed up at his house and demanded I go home so they could talk. I refused and initially he told her I wasn't leaving. He says he doesn't want me anymore and he's done.He says my insecurities have ruined our relationship. Stand by your man??? His ex had TWO YEARS to try to get him back, but she waits until you're pregnant and has the ****ing nerve to ask you to abort your own baby?? She is WAY out of line. And HE needs to MAN up to her, and stand by YOU. You are in no way wrong here. Any normal woman would have been furious with how he's handling the situation- or how he's NOT handling the situation. He's sticking his head in the sand and hoping it will all go away because he can't stand up to his ex. 2
strawberryshortstack Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I've been dating someone for 8 months. We're both separated from our spouses and both filed for divorce. Right before New Years we found out I was pregnant. He told his wife he needed to go on and get their divorce finalized and that he was moving on with me and our baby. Well that's when the chaos started. After 2 years he says of silence on her end she all of a sudden she wanted her husband back. She starts calling and texting nonstop, showing up at his house, doing all kinds of stuff. She demanded that I have an abortion. He told her no and we're going to be together and keep the baby. In the meantime she's making me anxious, so I start fussing and telling him to get this under control. So now he has 2 women ranting. It finally came to a head this weekend when she showed up at his house and demanded I go home so they could talk. I refused and initially he told her I wasn't leaving. But then she has their daughter so this is getting out of hand in front of her. I eventually leave. Later on I get back to his house and we get into an argument. He finally says, I can't do this anymore I'm done. He says he doesn't want me anymore and he's done. I haven't heard from him since then. I feel lost over here. I now have a baby that I'm carrying and a father who will not deal with me. This is a mess. He says my insecurities have ruined our relationship. I had him but I wouldn't shut up. So I guess I'm asking, what should I do at this point? Give him space? Apologize? Cry, beg, plead? Move on? And people ask me why I don't date "separated" men. 5
AMJ Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 He's not divorced because his crazy Ex won't let go, and he won't stand up to her. People get pregnant all the time while using birth control. One of my closest friends got pregnant after dating someone for only 6 months, and today they are one of the happiest married couples I know, and fantastic parents. Don't be judgmental about stuff like this.
AMJ Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I know two women who have gotten pregnant with an IUD. And I know two other women who got pregnant while on the pill. In my opinion, that's often enough. It doesn't sound like OP intended to get pregnant, but they are not youngsters. OP said both had filed for divorce. His ex comes crawling back and making these demands, clearly she is doing what she can to hold onto him.
Author Spunkydiva08 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 Whoa! I never said he didn't want anything to do with the baby. I said he was done with me. And it was a birth control failure.
Author Spunkydiva08 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 Never said he didn't contact me after he walked away. He did. He blatantly said he's done with me but he wants the baby. That's how I know. Maybe I didn't clarify something. He wanted the baby, even though we have only been together a short time we are not young. We had discussed marrying as soon as the divorce was final. The **** just finally got too much for all involved this past weekend.
Author Spunkydiva08 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 I had to read my original post. I did say I haven't heard from him. He did text me after he left. He wants his rights as a father. He's expressed that over and over.
Robratory Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 He's not divorced because his crazy Ex won't let go, and he won't stand up to her. I believe no-fault divorce is the law in all states but New York. There's no such thing anymore as "I want to get divorced but she won't sign the papers."
Robratory Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Never said he didn't contact me after he walked away. He did. He blatantly said he's done with me but he wants the baby. That's how I know. Maybe I didn't clarify something. He wanted the baby, even though we have only been together a short time we are not young. We had discussed marrying as soon as the divorce was final. The **** just finally got too much for all involved this past weekend. I guess I'm a bit upset because you've been screwed, and you're making excuses for him. He wants the baby, but he doesn't want you? What man acts that way? If he wanted a baby but not a woman, why didn't he have one with his wife? Why have you accepted that he has suddenly turned against you? What fault of yours is any of this? 1
Author Spunkydiva08 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 I guess I'm accepting fault because I have been a royal witch. My attitude hasn't been the best. I'm not taking all of the blame here. The more I think the more I start to realize he should have told his ex to get lost if he was really done. I think reality is kicking in. Prince Charming is afraid of the ex or he still wants her. 1
road Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 I get that the courts will get involved but I guess I'm trying to figure out if this can be salvaged. I still love the man. What's to love? A man that cheats on his wife (he's still married)?
road Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 Thank you. I appreciate that. And he was saying the same thing, I should have trusted and supported him. Trust a man that lies and cheats, has affairs?
road Posted February 3, 2016 Posted February 3, 2016 And people ask me why I don't date "separated" men. I hope you tell the reason is that you are smart. 1
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