Kuchi2 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 I'm not sure if I'm just venting or just upset, but maybe I'll find some advice by writing this here. The last "real" relationship I've had lasted over 5 years, which ended up me falling out of love within 1.5 years of living/being together (too complicated to explain why) and still stayed together (more like roommates) for another 4 years. This was actually my last relationship aswell. So I haven't been in love with another person in years. I met the guy I'm currently dating on POF and at first, I wasn't attracted to him, but we had solid conversations and I had fun. It's going on 3.5 months now. With him, I didn't fall head over heels, or madly in love, or infatuated. I slowly and comfortably fell in love with him over time. I fell in love with the things he did, said, laughed, shown me, etc. The more I spent time with him, the more I found things I loved. Anyways, at the beginning, he would text me a bunch of times. Good morning texts were always sent by him first. He would go out of the way to meet me for dates and would say he couldn't go a whole week without seeing me. About a month of us dating (we started talking longer than that, since I didn't go on a date with him for almost 2 weeks after finding each other on POF), I made it official with him. He wanted to be official earlier than that, but I wasn't ready since I'm more cautious when I guard my feelings. Since then, he hasn't tried going out of his way for dates, actually, we rarely have alone dates. We went from seeing each other 2-4 times a week, to maybe seeing each other once a week. We still would go out, but it would be for family events, errands, spend time with the kids. And when we're alone, we'll just Game of Throne binge and call it a night. I understand each relationship will move out of the "honey moon phase" and develop into a real relationship without the sugar and sparkles. But honestly, I just feel as if we jumped out of the honeymoon stage too early and there's no excitement of going out anymore. I brought it up to him that once he "got me", he stopped trying. He said he's financially going through some tough time, which I do know and understand. But part of me still wants to dress up and go out on dates with him alone. He once told me that he hasn't surprised me with any flowers or gifts because I'm still in the transition of moving to the house I bought, so he didn't want to add to my packing/mess (he didn't say mess lol, but said that I wouldn't be able to keep it where I'm at). I never asked him why he never gave me flowers, he just randomly said it to me one day. Don't get me wrong. I love this guy and know he loves me aswell. When we're together, it's like nothing is wrong and he gives me alot of affection and love. He still sends me good morning texts every day, says he misses me, loves me, asks about my day, etc. But when we're together it's maybe 1-2 times per week, and the rest of the time I miss the physical closeness we do have. He has given me a key to his house and I trust him all the way (which comes very hard for me to do). I am writing this because of how slightly upset I was last night. I planned to spend the night with him Wednesday night because if not, we won't see each other until next weekend. And we barely saw each other but 3hrs in the past week. But last night came an opportunity for me to spend the night with him aswell. Around 8pm last night, I texted him I could be on my way over to him to spend the night and he said he already had made plans to spend the night at his mom's house. I'm not mad AT HIM for making plans, I was upset because it's been me who's trying to make plans to see each other, even if it's just an overnight. It's been me asking if I can come over, etc. and while he says of course and "why would you ask if I want to?", I mentioned to him it's because I'm the one that asks. And before anyone asks if I'm expecting him to do all the romantic stuff, I put alot of effort. Every time I spend the night at his place, I leave a love note for him to come home to. I text him good morning/night texts, ask about his day, help him out on things he needs (he does the same for me), send him love/thank you emails here and there for him to wake up to when we're not together. I have tried to plan a date (especially since his bday is this Thursday), but when I ask what he's doing, he doesn't know or his plan changes. I feel like I can't plan ahead or even surprise him. I'm a planner, he's more of a day-to-day person. So, in conclusion, I don't know how to go forward (and I'm not even saying breaking up!) I'm not sure if I am too emotional for him so it might be too much (while he shows me affection/love, he's not like me when it comes to the love notes and emails), I'm not sure if he wants a little bit of space while he deals with his things, I'm not sure if I'm expecting too much, I don't know how else to bring it up to him, I just feel sort of neglected when it comes to my efforts and the lack of his. Should I back up a bit and see if he'll meet me in the middle? Should I tell him what's bothering me, even if he hasn't asked?
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