Redhead14 Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 Met a new guy, I just moved for work. We have been dating, for 3 weeks. Hanging out, talking daily...the works. For the last about 8 days I had some health issues, I was a bit preoccupied with that. He tried calling about thrice, on different days, I didn't answer, not on purpose, I always was at the hospital, but I would follow up with a text apology. Well 2 days ago I called him, to apologize for how elusive I've been, I also wanted to explain why... But when he picked up he was on the road with friends, so he suggested he'd call when he got home. I waited.... & waited.... Nothing! Next morning (yesterday) I text him, saying it wasn't cool that he said he'd call and didn't. No answer. Havent heard from him since. Makes me sad, thought we had connected. It was just 3 weeks.. But I liked him. Also asking myself why. He has ghosted? Let him be? What do you all think? This ghosting hasn't happened to me before... It can make someone think there's something wrong with them. Is there anything I can do in this situation? If you are going to communicate with someone, make it have substance. but I would follow up with a text apology. -- Call him, tell him you've been in the hospital and that you appreciated hearing from him . . . The guy called you three times and got a text in return. If you're interested in someone, and they are showing clear interest, be clear in return. If there are people around or there's noise, at least send a text with clarity if you can't call. Next morning (yesterday) I text him, saying it wasn't cool that he said he'd call and didn't -- So, he was out with friends, other people around, noisy, perhaps a late evening, a little hung over, sleeping in? Think about the bigger picture before you start getting pissy with people. You were in the hospital and didn't answer him and he called you three times and didn't get pissy with you. Don't reach out again. Let him come to you if he's going to.
Erdbeere Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 I actually quite like him. I feel so bad that I made him think otherwise... It's just my health took a bad turn, quite bad, I just was a bit disoriented, and couldn't pay much attention to him at the time. But I still tried to text. There's no way to savage this? I'm not a fan of texting as a response to missed calls. I think you should always phone someone back. I'd love to know why you didn't explain to him what you were dealing with, that it was a medical problem. I can't think of any reason why you were vague and aloof.
Author red.velvet Posted February 7, 2016 Author Posted February 7, 2016 If you are going to communicate with someone, make it have substance. but I would follow up with a text apology. -- Call him, tell him you've been in the hospital and that you appreciated hearing from him . . . The guy called you three times and got a text in return. If you're interested in someone, and they are showing clear interest, be clear in return. If there are people around or there's noise, at least send a text with clarity if you can't call. Next morning (yesterday) I text him, saying it wasn't cool that he said he'd call and didn't -- So, he was out with friends, other people around, noisy, perhaps a late evening, a little hung over, sleeping in? Think about the bigger picture before you start getting pissy with people. You were in the hospital and didn't answer him and he called you three times and didn't get pissy with you. Don't reach out again. Let him come to you if he's going to. Hmmm... Well, he's had over a week to get over his possible hangover. Even if I didn't answer because I couldn't, I never let him go even for a few hours without contacting him. It was a text, which at least let him know I wasn't disappearing on him like he did to me. I know I was wrong, I should have found a way to call back each time, I should have communicated more. I should have told him I am dealing with my health. But I honestly do not believe I deserve how he has treated me. I don't think I do. At this point I don't think he will come back, and I don't think I want him to. I don't want a guy who handles being upset like this.
Maggie4 Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 You didn't meet him online, or randomly on the street, right? This is not "ghosting". He is holding a good old fashion grudge. He felt neglected, he is angry, and he won't give you another chance. You've tried enough. Now leave it. He might change his mind after sufficient sulking.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 Hmmm... Well, he's had over a week to get over his possible hangover. Even if I didn't answer because I couldn't, I never let him go even for a few hours without contacting him. It was a text, which at least let him know I wasn't disappearing on him like he did to me. I know I was wrong, I should have found a way to call back each time, I should have communicated more. I should have told him I am dealing with my health. But I honestly do not believe I deserve how he has treated me. I don't think I do. At this point I don't think he will come back, and I don't think I want him to. I don't want a guy who handles being upset like this. Out of curiosity, what did you say in your texts to him?
Author red.velvet Posted February 7, 2016 Author Posted February 7, 2016 You didn't meet him online, or randomly on the street, right? This is not "ghosting". He is holding a good old fashion grudge. He felt neglected, he is angry, and he won't give you another chance. You've tried enough. Now leave it. He might change his mind after sufficient sulking. No, I didn't meet him online or on the street. But why didn't he call me out on my actions that upset him? I guess we both just had to communicate better.
Erdbeere Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 No, I didn't meet him online or on the street. But why didn't he call me out on my actions that upset him? I guess we both just had to communicate better. Focus on your behaviour, because that's the thing you can change. If one doesn't share important info, and doesn't do someone the courtesy of returning calls, one can't expect the other party to be experiencing anything beyond an exchange of pleasantries occasionally. No connection is ever made between people who just exchange pleasantries via text messages. 1
Author red.velvet Posted February 7, 2016 Author Posted February 7, 2016 Out of curiosity, what did you say in your texts to him? I would apologize for missing his call, tell him a lots going on. He would text back saying whatever it is, I should hang in there, and then we would keep chatting. The last time he called I said 'I'm so sorry I missed your call, I know I've been really bad lately. Call you back later' n I called him the next day. He sounded okay, until towards the end when he started to tell him that he thinks I will forever miss his calls. I really didn't want to argue when he was in the car with his friends. So that's when we agreed he would call me later when he got home. That's when I was going to tell him everything that had been going on.
Reitteg813 Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 Had this happen to me fairly recently. We went on 3 dates, set up a forth, she even initiated the making of the plans, and just hours later makes up an excuse and I never hear from her again, I just tried calling twice two days later and no answer. First time I called she actually rejected the call immediately. Didn't both me too much, since I was only planning on having her around temporarily and she wasn't all that great but just kinda fun to be with, but still left me confused. Not really emotionally hurt, but like "wtf was that" Anyways, those people are just immature, cowards, and lack integrity. If he does come back, dont take him back. Ignoring people like that isn't cool at all. He doesnt even feel like you need an explanation. And he would probably just do it again. If he comes back, it'll probably be for the wrong reasons - like he hasnt gotten laid in a while, maybe a little lonely and wants someone in his life, or have you as a rebound, etc. The disappearing act tells you what kind of a person they are. Selfish and the things I mentioned earlier. I cant even imagine how these people handle face to face conflicts once theyre in a relationship...or maybe they dont, maybe they just ignore. These people aren't ready to be in a relationship
Author red.velvet Posted February 7, 2016 Author Posted February 7, 2016 So he returned. He called. he pretended he had no idea that he'd promised to call and didn't, that he has been ignoring my messages and my calls.. It's absurd.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 So he returned. He called. he pretended he had no idea that he'd promised to call and didn't, that he has been ignoring my messages and my calls.. It's absurd. I think it's just over between you two. You already know you needed to communicate more clearly. This is his silly attempt to "give you a taste of your own medicine", I believe. Oh well. Next! 1
bu2002 Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 He might've been talking to another girl. If you were elusive, he probably started pursuing another option. Now he's talking with said option, and likely won't return your call right now. Even if both of you come around, you're farther away from the 3 week time frame you spent together. You would basically starting over at that point. I was just ghosted by a girl who agreed to a second date and was trying to set a date and time.
Reitteg813 Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 So he returned. He called. he pretended he had no idea that he'd promised to call and didn't, that he has been ignoring my messages and my calls.. It's absurd. I wouldnt take him back. With every one always on their phones these days thats bullsht
Reitteg813 Posted February 7, 2016 Posted February 7, 2016 He might've been talking to another girl. If you were elusive, he probably started pursuing another option. Now he's talking with said option, and likely won't return your call right now. Even if both of you come around, you're farther away from the 3 week time frame you spent together. You would basically starting over at that point. I was just ghosted by a girl who agreed to a second date and was trying to set a date and time. Same, except about a month and a half ago, and it was a 4th date actually, and she even initiated making the plans and was the one asking me to hang out
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