notmakingsense Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 I've been thinking about the variety of reasons that things aren't working out with my ex-GF and I, and one of the big issues seems to be money. I believe that we are unbelievably good together in all departments: personality, interests, values, sex, etc. Whenever we are together -- even after we broke up -- we melt into each other and get along as one might picture soul mates would. However, she's from a very wealthy world. Her ExH -- although he cheated on her, offered her the world of comfort. He was a fun loving guy (apparently too much fun! lol) and she and the kids always were taken care of: trips, summer houses, and luxury at home. We've spoken about this, and she gets freaked out when she tries to think about how we would merge families (she has 2 older and 2 younger kids -- I have 2 younger kids) in an area that is hugely expensive. We wouldn't be able to afford a large enough house without cramming people in. What makes matters worse is that my divorce and support for my kids, plus living in this expensive area has left me "house poor" -- with everything going to mortgages and support -- and very little in savings, etc. We'd be able to survive -- and reasonably well by many people's standards -- but this is such a far step below what she is used to -- I am quite convinced that she felt like she was "settling" too much with me. Also, she is very beautiful. She has guys falling all over themselves to be with her -- and she has contact and access to the wealthiest and most powerful men around in our area. So.... I think the odds were stacked against me. She has told me since the break-up that "you never know, we may just end up together -- if I can ever pull my head out of my ass" -- which means, to me, that she is not discounting the value of our love -- but since she didn't date much after her divorce -- she feels compelled to get out there and really see what is around before settling. You can read all my other posts about my difficulty in getting over her. I'm slowly getting there -- but haven't gone NC -- she still contacts me. But -- What I'm desperate to figure out now is how not to get depressed about my financial situation. At 42 years old -- I must assume that I'll never be "rich" -- and I have to stop being so negative by assuming that I'll never be with someone whom I is so beutiful and compatible with me. So... what do you think? Do I need to hold out for some rich divorcee' -- or is there truly situations where a beautiful woman will sacrifice what she could otherwise get on a material level for the love of her life.
HokeyReligions Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 It almost sounds like you equate beauty with wealth. Does it matter to you if the woman you love has no money? Can you love a poor woman? Or do you only look for wealthy women? At 42 years old -- I must assume that I'll never be "rich" -- and I have to stop being so negative by assuming that I'll never be with someone whom I is so beutiful and compatible with me. So... what do you think? Do I need to hold out for some rich divorcee' -- or is there truly situations where a beautiful woman will sacrifice what she could otherwise get on a material level for the love of her life. Not all beautiful people are materialistic. I could certainly have "done better" in regards to a man who is more financially stable, but I didn't love anyone else. Some people think/thought I was beautiful and sexy (at least 30 years ago they did! but certainly not everyone did.) I dated some wealthy or on-their-way-to-wealth guys. I married a construction worker who lost his trade, went into something else after I encouraged him to go to college, and has not worked in 9 years because of a disability. What are you looking for in a woman? What are your priorities? Is her balance sheet at the top of your list? Or are her looks at the top of your list? It sounds like you need to figure out exactly what qualities you want in a woman.
Author notmakingsense Posted June 8, 2005 Author Posted June 8, 2005 It almost sounds like you equate beauty with wealth. Does it matter to you if the woman you love has no money? Can you love a poor woman? Or do you only look for wealthy women? No -- this is not about me. Any reason for an equivalence is because it seems that beutiful women have their pick of men, and often times, that means that they are able to get wealthy men. Regarding myself, I can love a woman rich or poor. The only reason I would look for a wealthy woman is to avoid running into these same financial issues all over again. That said -- I don't do that kind of selection at all. I go where my heart leads me. Not all beautiful people are materialistic. I could certainly have "done better" in regards to a man who is more financially stable, but I didn't love anyone else. Some people think/thought I was beautiful and sexy (at least 30 years ago they did! but certainly not everyone did.) I dated some wealthy or on-their-way-to-wealth guys. I married a construction worker who lost his trade, went into something else after I encouraged him to go to college, and has not worked in 9 years because of a disability. I appreciate that observation and reference to your personal situation. I don't want to give you the impression that she is "materialistic." In fact, we have spent 1.5 years together obviously not in the same class of activities that she is used to. This never bothered her. However, we started to head towards the thought of marriage -- and really blending families -- and this was when she started to become torn. Blending and taking care of families takes lots of financial resources. It is an issue that pulls many people apart. Coming from her type of background -- I'm wondering if she's just assuming that the struggles would be too stressful for her to bear. What are you looking for in a woman? What are your priorities? Is her balance sheet at the top of your list? Or are her looks at the top of your list? It sounds like you need to figure out exactly what qualities you want in a woman. Neither of these are at the top of my list. I go on chemistry and compatibility. Like many other guys -- looks tend to draw me in -- but I rarely reject being open to getting to know someone based upon their looks.
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