mm55 Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I can't be the only one to notice this. A girl and guy break up and suddenly the girl goes from posting once every 2 weeks to every other day and trying to appear so happy and different. Two examples of this recently I've seen. 1.) Girl I work with got dumped, suddenly starts posting more often and not acting like herself and seeming happier than usual. 2.) A friend of mine did a crappy thing and completely used a girl a girl to get another girl back and he'd post pics of the new girl to snapchat to make the other jealous and it worked for him and he got the girl back, but then he explained to the other girl how he just used her and he was never into her and faked the entire thing and he just wanted to post pics to snapchat to make another girl jealous and he he wasn't even attracted to her. This girl ended up doing the same thing, even tho it wasnt a break up, since they werent in a relationship. Went from posting about once every couple weeks to posting 12 times in 3 weeks and again, not acting like her self, posting quotes, couple selfies, old pics of friends, appearing overly happy and different. Doesn't seem like a thing men would do so this is why I ask. I've never felt the need to do this so it must be a female thing. Is this some sort of coping strategy? An outlet? Acting like they won and aren't bothered even though its pretty transparent their sudden change in behavior says otherwise? An ego boost with all the likes and comments to bring up their self esteem? Thoughts?
Michelle ma Belle Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Sounds very typical, especially from the younger generation of women. All the more reason why I despise social media and NEVER take anything at face value. It's all smoke and mirrors. 5
VeveCakes Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 LOL a woman thing... Some of the most Passive aggressive posts about exs I have seen were posted by men. You just said it was a guy who used it to get his ex back. Maybe ask why people in general do this? Sometimes it helps ease the pain to get your feelings out even if it's not on the best platform available. 1
Aniela Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 It isn't just a woman thing. I've seen this from several men - one family member - over the past month or so.
Silver_star Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 My ex complained to me that he and his new gf broke up and how he wished it never happened with her, and when I didn't take the bait and come running back to him he posted (one week later) the happiest couple photos of him and his new gf, and was going off about how happy he was. Games! Not all that glitters is gold.
Author mm55 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 Sounds very typical, especially from the younger generation of women. All the more reason why I despise social media and NEVER take anything at face value. It's all smoke and mirrors. Yeah, definitely a younger women thing. First girl is 22, second is 19. And of course the 19 year old is the one posting much more and appearing like a different happier person more so than the 22 year old
Author mm55 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 LOL a woman thing... Some of the most Passive aggressive posts about exs I have seen were posted by men. You just said it was a guy who used it to get his ex back. Maybe ask why people in general do this? Sometimes it helps ease the pain to get your feelings out even if it's not on the best platform available. No but that wasn't part of the grieving or whatever you want to call it and acting all happy. I'm saying once he got his ex jealous with snapchat by posting pics of the new girl, he then ended things with the new girl and admitted to her that she was being used, he never found her attractive, he was never into her, and that he was posting pics of her to get his ex jealous and then she went off and did this going from posting once every 2-3 weeks to posting 12 times in 3 weeks thing. So it was the girl not him
Bindi Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I'm 23 and I actually quit social media after my very first breakup, during which I was 18, and that trend was already quite big so I get you, guess it depends. Depends on the girl, some, even most, may have an agenda or be trying to play the jealousy card. Other girls might just genuinely have had some sort of awakening after the breakup that made them happier and free! Now from MY experience (with my girls) I notice a vast majority is very concerned with portraying happiness after a breakup, with some real convoluted BS, solely wondering what he is going to think of it, or to appear more often on his...feed or whatever the facebook thingie is called xD
Emilia Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I think young adults have the tendency to hide when they are hurt. They also don't understand yet that external validation can be dangerous if it doesn't come from the right place. 1
VeveCakes Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 No but that wasn't part of the grieving or whatever you want to call it and acting all happy. I'm saying once he got his ex jealous with snapchat by posting pics of the new girl, he then ended things with the new girl and admitted to her that she was being used, he never found her attractive, he was never into her, and that he was posting pics of her to get his ex jealous and then she went off and did this going from posting once every 2-3 weeks to posting 12 times in 3 weeks thing. So it was the girl not him So the girl did it and he didn't? You are only seeing what you want to see. He went from not doing that to posting pics to make his ex jealous. Same **** different day. My point is guys and girls do this. It's for attention and for others it's an outlet to get things off their chest.
JDam Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 And so what? Maybe it is also because they have more free time and do other things than when they were in the relationship. People have different means to cope with such situations. They are not harming anyone so why do you care?
Mr Man Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 It's always a message to their ex. They usually do it to make their ex feel jealous. I don't know why dumpers do it, it's just like rubbing salt in the wound, but they do it either way. They do it in conversation too. When I was still speaking to my ex, I'd message her in the evening or whatever to initiate conversation. One time the first thing she said, after hi, was "I had an amazing day today!". This was like 2 weeks after our break up. Another time the first thing she said was how she just shared a cigarette with the guy she told me she has a crush on and he made some joke about it. I mean it's totally uncalled for passive aggressive bull. I think she just did that to get a rise out of me but I didn't. If i were to look on her facebook, which i certainly do not do anymore, I would see a load of pictures of how much fun she's having and doing great things etc. The thing is I know it's all fake, she's clinically depressed and always will be, she's barely been going out apparently, in fact she even deactivated her facebook for a while. So it's just a facade.
Author mm55 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 And so what? Maybe it is also because they have more free time and do other things than when they were in the relationship. People have different means to cope with such situations. They are not harming anyone so why do you care? Well thats what I'm asking...is it a coping mechanism, looking for validation to boost their bruised self esteem, cover up how much they're hurt, maybe makes them feel better to post. I care because I'm just curious, not saying it's bad. The girl in the second situation actually blocked the guy, so its not to make him jealous cause he can't see what she posts, but I'm still following her so I can see it, so makes me think its to cover up, validation, coping mechanism since its not to make him jealous.
JDam Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I think it's different for everyone. I was also more active after my break up but it was because I was going out a lot more than when I was in the relationship, found new friends, hobbies etc. It would not make sense to say I did it because of him since I removed him from my friends so he could not see what I was doing.
BlueIris Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Sometimes people really are happier when a relationship ends. 3
mightycpa Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 The happier the FB profile and posts, the more miserable the life of the person. I think the happiest people don't bother with trumpeting their joy for all to see. 4
losangelena Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 In the final analysis, who gives a crap? I think some people, women and men, tend to act out on social media. At the end of the day, what does it matter?
Author mm55 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 In the final analysis, who gives a crap? I think some people, women and men, tend to act out on social media. At the end of the day, what does it matter? Lol relax, I'm just curious, cause in my case I've never felt the need to go on social media and start posting everyday and portraying myself differently. So I was curious about all the reasons behind doing this.
losangelena Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Lol relax, I'm just curious, cause in my case I've never felt the need to go on social media and start posting everyday and portraying myself differently. So I was curious about all the reasons behind doing this. Lol, hey man, don't tell me to relax, please. It could be any number of things. Acting out of hurt An attitude of "see what you're missing" Trying to prove to the other person that they're not hurting, or that they're fine without them Upping their exposure in order to attract someone new The list, I'm sure, goes on. In my life, I notice that women tend to it more, but they're generally on social media more to begin with, and use it in a more emotional way. I personally shut down my Facebook account after my ex broke up with me, and kept posting on Instagram as normal, so it's not across the board. Anyway I don't think there's any deep psychology to it.
Aniela Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Sometimes people really are happier when a relationship ends. I remember feeling utterly peaceful once I knew where I stood with someone. I should have ended any contact right there, but I'd forgotten they were on my facebook list. The next thing I knew, four days later, he was posting sad things on my comments, to get my attention - he was the one who wanted "space". I wasn't a grudge-holder at the time, so I spoke to him. Big mistake. I've also been happier when I no longer had to deal with passive-aggressive people on there. I realized I'd been bracing myself for attack for a while.
Author mm55 Posted February 1, 2016 Author Posted February 1, 2016 I remember feeling utterly peaceful once I knew where I stood with someone. I should have ended any contact right there, but I'd forgotten they were on my facebook list. The next thing I knew, four days later, he was posting sad things on my comments, to get my attention - he was the one who wanted "space". I wasn't a grudge-holder at the time, so I spoke to him. Big mistake. I've also been happier when I no longer had to deal with passive-aggressive people on there. I realized I'd been bracing myself for attack for a while. Weird how it works. I once had a girl end things with me after us talking and seeing each other for 2 months. And eventually she just said she doesnt feel that spark and she ended things between us, but then she started posting a bunch. She'd usually post once a week, and then she posted 9 times in 3 weeks right after we stopped hanging out. Maybe she still took it kinda tough even though she ended things. After a little while she went back to posting much less infrequently like once a week. Must be a way to deal with feelings, even if they're the ones doing the breaking up. Varies from person to person a lot I'm sure
lana-banana Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 (edited) I've never felt the need to do this so it must be a female thing. You personally have never felt the need to do it so it must be something all women do? Okay then. I believe it has nothing to do with men versus women (although there's significantly more pressure on women to look their prettiest and happiest at all times). I've known a few guy friends who went a bit nuts on social media post-breakup. Social media is by its very nature about appearances and sharing those appearances with the world. It's a platform for presenting yourself to others, the digital equivalent of a red carpet at an enormous party, and everyone wants to look their best. Of course people will about happy, enjoyable things that make their lives look great! Complaining that social media is shallow is like complaining that fashion is shallow: they have to be, because they're both outward-facing. If it was for thoughtful introspection it wouldn't be social. Whether you're dumped or dumping someone else, breakups leave you with extra time on your hands. Some people pursue new hobbies, others pursue total lifestyle changes. Either way, in this day and age it's not strange that people would document these changes on social media just as they document other positive changes in their lives. I don't envy teenagers these days. Managing to look your best both online and in the real world has got to be tough. Meanwhile, research has shown that faking happiness is actually effective for getting over depression. So long as someone's use of social media doesn't veer into addiction or narcissism, who cares what they do? Edited February 1, 2016 by lana-banana 1
Reitteg813 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 You personally have never felt the need to do it so it must be something all women do? Okay then. So long as someone's use of social media doesn't veer into addiction or narcissism, who cares what they do? what she said. just cause you dont feel the need doesnt mean its only females
Author mm55 Posted February 2, 2016 Author Posted February 2, 2016 You personally have never felt the need to do it so it must be something all women do? Okay then. So long as someone's use of social media doesn't veer into addiction or narcissism, who cares what they do? what she said. just cause you dont feel the need doesnt mean its only females alright yea that wasnt the smartest thing for me to say. i guess i just dont notice it among guys really. and I dont care that theyre doing it. Im more curious about the mindset behind it and why it makes them feel better.
foam12 Posted February 2, 2016 Posted February 2, 2016 Took a marketing course in a MBA program and they highlighted the fact that rarely do people post angry, sad, or negative photos of themselves. It is generally a platform for positive photos and people tend to post quotes or comments for anything negative. I think it is people in general and not just females.
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