lovesfool Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 So I broke up with my ex a couple of months ago. I initiated the break up, but it was ultimately a mutual decision. I think I just reached the breaking point first. Things didn't feel right in our relationship. There were no arguments or anything that you could pinpoint that was wrong, but there was no spark. There were a lot of factors at play, that if we had really addressed, maybe we could have made it work. Unfortunately we saw these problems too late (that is, after the break up). We said we would stay in contact. We even met up a couple of times for a chat. I enjoy talking to him and I still love his company. But lately I get the feeling he no longer wants to talk to me, but I could be reading too much into it. He messaged me one night and I replied. We had a bit of back and forth but after my last message he never replied. That was over 3 weeks ago. I don't know why he would ignore me or not care to send me a message. Maybe he is busy, but I just fear that he wants nothing more to do with me. I know we are no longer a couple, and I shouldn't expect a reply, but we both said we would remain in contact. I also thought it might have been something to do with my last message where I inadvertently mentioned how I say too much when I message him and that it never happens with anyone else. He might have read that as me expressing regret at breaking up, but I have no idea. I don't know if messaging him again would send out the wrong message, or if I would come across as pestering him. I just don't want to lose contact with him, and I thought he felt the same (he even said so). Am I overthinking this? Should I just send him a friendly message to see how he is?
Paradigm Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 You could tell him the truth, say that its your close relationship that made you feel that way, but it doesn't mean anything more. Just like really good friends that can tell each other anything. I'm not sure how you can bring that up without looking like you're over analyzing his reactions though.
losangelena Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I do think you're over analyzing this a little bit, yes. Even when a break up is mutual and/or amicable, I think it's a little naive to think that communication will remain constant and friendly. As time goes on and you get further from your break up, it's inevitable that you will drift from each other. I'd say, if you want to text him again, text him again, but keep your expectations low. You're friendly, but you didn't start off as friends, so expecting easy-breezy friend-type communication is not necessarily realistic, sorry. Maybe he met a new girl and doesn't want to spend a lot of time with his ex. Maybe he just got busy. Either way, I would not expect from him an honored place of communication.
Chi townD Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 Because even in "mutual" break ups, someone usually ends up getting hurt. I mean, YOU say that there wasn't a spark, so you ended it with him. But, maybe he didn't feel that way. Maybe he had more feelings for you than you had for him. So, he agreed to end things "mutually" to save face. And maybe he realizes that talking to you when he still has romantic feelings for you still hurts and he needs to distance himself.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 I do think you're over analyzing this a little bit, yes. Even when a break up is mutual and/or amicable, I think it's a little naive to think that communication will remain constant and friendly. As time goes on and you get further from your break up, it's inevitable that you will drift from each other. I'd say, if you want to text him again, text him again, but keep your expectations low. You're friendly, but you didn't start off as friends, so expecting easy-breezy friend-type communication is not necessarily realistic, sorry. Maybe he met a new girl and doesn't want to spend a lot of time with his ex. Maybe he just got busy. Either way, I would not expect from him an honored place of communication. I totally agree. OP, you are not his girlfriend anymore. I know you know this. But you need to really grasp the fact that exes generally grow further and further apart. Rarely can they stay in close contact, especially so soon after a break-up. This increased silence and distance is part of the package. I have had a few long-term relationships. Generally speaking, we kept in touch after the break-ups but slowly over time the contacts were fewer and further apart. A couple of them I have not spoken to for a few years now. Our lives moved in different directions and we moved on to other people. It's all part of the break-up process. He might be doing what he needs to move on with his life. He could be seeing a new girl. It could be any number of things. But it's normal. At some point, one or both of you would have needed to cut that cord.
Zahara Posted February 1, 2016 Posted February 1, 2016 He may have met someone, he may realize that contact is hard, he may realize that the only way he can move on is to cut contact, maybe he is becoming indifferent or maybe he's not interested in having contact anymore. I don't think anyone can pinpoint why. It's a break-up. Treat it as such. Maybe after some time of no contact and you both have moved on, you won't analyze this as much because you'd be indifferent and living your life. I understand the break-up was mutual but I am sure there is still some level of emotional attachment that requires you both to detach from and that won't happen if you both stay in contact. What happens if he tells you tomorrow that he's in love with someone else? Will it hurt you? Just because he said he will remain in contact doesn't mean that is set in stone. He can change his mind.
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