My bfs crazy ex

February 1, 2016

Looking for some advice on how to deal with her. I've met some crazies in my time but this girl is seriously koo-koo-kachu. I'm a very soft and quiet person naturally so it's difficult for me to be "mean" or abrasive with people, but I'm beginning to think that's the only way to get through to this person. My bf and I have been together about a year, before me he was with her for about 4 months. Apparently she's still not over it. I am 27, my bf is a few years younger than me at 24, and she's a few years younger than him at 21 (with 2 kids from 2 previous relationships before my bf). That puts a good age gap between her and me which makes knowing how to approach her even more difficult. He said he broke it off with her because she was too clingy, wanted to get married right away, wouldn't stop going through his phone and stuff, etc.

For the first few months him and I were together, she would blow up his phone, facebook, email, etc daily. It was never angry but instead very sad, crying, "Please I miss you so much I'm going to kill myself if you don't talk to me!" type of messages. She created over 6 facebook accounts that he had to block, and changed his number once. My boyfriend's reaction to all of this was ignore ignore ignore and she'll go away. I said nothing at first because I figured she was still hurting over their relationship and just needed some time to move on. She's not. She somehow found his new number and he changed it again. Then when she realized she couldn't contact him anymore and that he didn't live in the same place, she turned to me. I've had ex girlfriends be mean or rude to me before, but this time it was like she's trying to be my best friend.

First it was facebook messages apologizing for her past behavior, she knows she has issues and is trying to get help, and is sure that I hate her. I (mistakenly) sent her a kind reply saying don't worry I know how it is going through break ups, I hope she gets some help and I don't hate her. Well that was all it took, she starts messaging me and calling me on facebook at first giving me compliments saying how pretty I am, and liking all of my photos with me and my bf. Then she starts asking do I want to go out to dinner with her, or go shopping, or come hang out at her house. SUPER weird. Each time I politely declined saying I don't think it's a good idea if we hang out or become friends. My bf hated this and demanded that I block her. I unfriended her, but didn't block her.

Then things got even more extreme. A few weeks ago she started calling me on the facebook app. We hadn't heard from her in 2-3 months so we really thought she was gone. She called 4 times in a row, finally I picked up the last call. "Hey girl, what are you guys doin?" she asked like we were bffs. I asked what she was calling for, and she says "Oh well I just happened to be out shopping and parked at this auto garage here and looked across the street and thought I saw your car in a driveway! I think I'm looking at your house right now! Are you guys busy? Thought I could stop by and visit for a minute." I was like WTF. I run and look out my front window and sure enough there is her car, with her sitting in the drivers seat across from my house at the body shop. She lives on the complete opposite side of town, like at least a 30 min drive from my house.

I didn't know what to say, so I just said look I don't know if I didn't make it clear before but I'm really not interested in having any kind of relationship with you, I wish you all the best but I'm sorry you're not coming to my house. She FLIPPED out, starts breaking down in tears on the phone asking why I don't like her, she has another boyfriend now so I don't have to worry about her wanting my bf back, can she just come over with her new bf to prove it? I finally hung up on her. Later my bf unblocked one of her accounts and finally messaged her on facebook angry, saying to never contact her or him ever again. She replied back something like "I'll talk to you eventually. It's just a matter of time. Have a great weekend."

Then just this last weekend she messaged him again saying her grandfather had died, and she really needed some brown hat back that was his that she gave to my bf when they were together for his funeral. She acted so torn up about it like she HAD to have it. Part of me felt a little bad and wanted to go give her the hat, bc I did see her posting on facebook about her grandfather passing so I am assuming that is true, but my bf said no we will say nothing, she doesn't get the hat, and re-blocked her.

I keep waiting for this girl to go away, but it's been almost a year and she hasn't. Any advice??

February 1, 2016

Looking for some advice on how to deal with her. I've met some crazies in my time but this girl is seriously koo-koo-kachu. I'm a very soft and quiet person naturally so it's difficult for me to be "mean" or abrasive with people, but I'm beginning to think that's the only way to get through to this person. My bf and I have been together about a year, before me he was with her for about 4 months. Apparently she's still not over it. I am 27, my bf is a few years younger than me at 24, and she's a few years younger than him at 21 (with 2 kids from 2 previous relationships before my bf). That puts a good age gap between her and me which makes knowing how to approach her even more difficult. He said he broke it off with her because she was too clingy, wanted to get married right away, wouldn't stop going through his phone and stuff, etc.

For the first few months him and I were together, she would blow up his phone, facebook, email, etc daily. It was never angry but instead very sad, crying, "Please I miss you so much I'm going to kill myself if you don't talk to me!" type of messages. She created over 6 facebook accounts that he had to block, and changed his number once. My boyfriend's reaction to all of this was ignore ignore ignore and she'll go away. I said nothing at first because I figured she was still hurting over their relationship and just needed some time to move on. She's not. She somehow found his new number and he changed it again. Then when she realized she couldn't contact him anymore and that he didn't live in the same place, she turned to me. I've had ex girlfriends be mean or rude to me before, but this time it was like she's trying to be my best friend.

First it was facebook messages apologizing for her past behavior, she knows she has issues and is trying to get help, and is sure that I hate her. I (mistakenly) sent her a kind reply saying don't worry I know how it is going through break ups, I hope she gets some help and I don't hate her. Well that was all it took, she starts messaging me and calling me on facebook at first giving me compliments saying how pretty I am, and liking all of my photos with me and my bf. Then she starts asking do I want to go out to dinner with her, or go shopping, or come hang out at her house. SUPER weird. Each time I politely declined saying I don't think it's a good idea if we hang out or become friends. My bf hated this and demanded that I block her. I unfriended her, but didn't block her.

Then things got even more extreme. A few weeks ago she started calling me on the facebook app. We hadn't heard from her in 2-3 months so we really thought she was gone. She called 4 times in a row, finally I picked up the last call. "Hey girl, what are you guys doin?" she asked like we were bffs. I asked what she was calling for, and she says "Oh well I just happened to be out shopping and parked at this auto garage here and looked across the street and thought I saw your car in a driveway! I think I'm looking at your house right now! Are you guys busy? Thought I could stop by and visit for a minute." I was like WTF. I run and look out my front window and sure enough there is her car, with her sitting in the drivers seat across from my house at the body shop. She lives on the complete opposite side of town, like at least a 30 min drive from my house.

I didn't know what to say, so I just said look I don't know if I didn't make it clear before but I'm really not interested in having any kind of relationship with you, I wish you all the best but I'm sorry you're not coming to my house. She FLIPPED out, starts breaking down in tears on the phone asking why I don't like her, she has another boyfriend now so I don't have to worry about her wanting my bf back, can she just come over with her new bf to prove it? I finally hung up on her. Later my bf unblocked one of her accounts and finally messaged her on facebook angry, saying to never contact her or him ever again. She replied back something like "I'll talk to you eventually. It's just a matter of time. Have a great weekend."

Then just this last weekend she messaged him again saying her grandfather had died, and she really needed some brown hat back that was his that she gave to my bf when they were together for his funeral. She acted so torn up about it like she HAD to have it. Part of me felt a little bad and wanted to go give her the hat, bc I did see her posting on facebook about her grandfather passing so I am assuming that is true, but my bf said no we will say nothing, she doesn't get the hat, and re-blocked her.

I keep waiting for this girl to go away, but it's been almost a year and she hasn't. Any advice??

Just stand your ground. If she calls or texts again, don't respond in any way. If she shows up at your home again, call the police. She's now crossed into the stalking realm.

February 1, 2016

It is up to your bf to make her stop all contact. Why hasn't he done this yet. Also block her from everything so she can't contact you guys.

February 1, 2016

File a restraining order.

February 1, 2016

Ugh I really didn't want to get all "official" with police and restraining orders, I've never done that stuff before and it's just more of our time we have to waste, but I'm beginning to think it's the only way. I really don't know this girl at all or what she's capable of, odds are nothing dangerous but you really never know she could just snap one day.

And I am 100% with you on my bf taking charge, in my opinion I want him to call and give her a message that will make her never want to speak to him again, but he insists any action by him at all towards her will keep her coming back and that he has to ignore her for long enough. Part of me sees his point and part of me thinks he just doesn't want to deal with it.

It feels weird to say but part of me actually feels bad for her, she's 21 with two kids, lives in a very low income area and clearly has no friends, with lots of mental issues, apparently . Gotta be hard. But seriously I don't want to worry about getting stabbed by some psycho whenever I take out the trash at night.

February 1, 2016

This is your BOYFRIEND's lack of action, not yours. And the fact that he won't deal with it is very troubling and indicative of any relationship you will have with him.

Personally, I would give him TWO more chances (now that you are setting a boundary) to get rid of her, however he has to do it. I would inform him that I'm giving him ONLY two more chances and if she shows up a third time, I will be gone for good because I won't spend my life with a man who can't - or chooses not to - protect his girlfriend from a short-term ex.

And then I would leave him if it happens a third time because he will have SHOWN me that he somehow, for whatever reason, is putting this situation ahead of his concern for me. And I don't play second fiddle to something like that.

PS:

he insists any action by him at all towards her will keep her coming back

This is him feeding off of the attention of two women fighting over him. You may want to rethink this relationship.

February 1, 2016

Wow, does she watch Looney Tunes on Saturday mornings? I don't mind a clingy woman at all, but this is a stalker. You might have to file a restraining order. I'd give her fair notice just so she knows. Maybe that will stop it once and for all.

February 1, 2016

Ugh I really didn't want to get all "official" with police and restraining orders, I've never done that stuff before and it's just more of our time we have to waste, but I'm beginning to think it's the only way. I really don't know this girl at all or what she's capable of, odds are nothing dangerous but you really never know she could just snap one day.

And I am 100% with you on my bf taking charge, in my opinion I want him to call and give her a message that will make her never want to speak to him again, but he insists any action by him at all towards her will keep her coming back and that he has to ignore her for long enough. Part of me sees his point and part of me thinks he just doesn't want to deal with it.

It feels weird to say but part of me actually feels bad for her, she's 21 with two kids, lives in a very low income area and clearly has no friends, with lots of mental issues, apparently . Gotta be hard. But seriously I don't want to worry about getting stabbed by some psycho whenever I take out the trash at night.

I think your boyfriends right. Any further contact from either of you positive or negative will encourage her further. Ignoring her completely is the only way to go. No response means she won't be getting anything from continuing to contact you both. She might try harder at first but if you continue to ignore her eventually she should give up but you have to be 100 percent silent to all and any forms of contact. Block and delete her everywhere. If she shows up at your house call the police but neither of you should engage with her. Not angrily or positively. Silence works best.

February 1, 2016

Hey that's a good idea I haven't even mentioned police or restraining order to HER. I'm sure if I say that she will not understand why but maybe at least re-think contacting me again.

February 1, 2016

He should've given the hat back. He probably didn't because he doesn't want to be rid of her. Maybe he enjoys the attention she gives him.

And if it's none of that then he should've given the hat to her. Holding on to it then blocking her was mean.

February 1, 2016

The responsibility for sorting this out lies 100% with your boyfriend.

You shouldn't need to do anything.

February 1, 2016

Oh. My. God. I just got back from my lunch break and the hr lady came up to me... this girl came to my work yesterday and filled out an application. I work at a small company and most of my close coworkers including hr lady know about this girl and her name from the stories I've told them. She said "Isn't this the name of that girl you were just talking about?" It's a very unique name, so there's no question. My office is by my house, again opposite side of town and about a 30 min drive from where she lives.

Holy crap. If you see a 27 year old in the news get off'd in the parking lot where she works in the midwest sometime soon by a crazy chick yall remember my post.

Edited February 1, 2016 by meowmix9

February 1, 2016

Holy crap. If you see a 27 year old in the news get off'd in the parking lot where she works in the midwest sometime soon by a crazy chick yall remember my post.

Again. File a restraining order.

February 1, 2016

I'm going to have to now. Luckily my coworkers understand my situation and I think her chances of getting hired here are slim, and if I have a restraining order then I know she won't be. Going to file after work today. Ugghhh.

February 1, 2016

Don't bother getting a restraining order. You have to have actual proof that your life is in danger, like her uttering threats. If you don't have any physical poof of death threats, or her harassing/causing a scene you at your job, then it's not a police matter until she breaks the law.

You both can block all means of communication with her. Unless she is crawling through a window or slashing your tires....there isn't anything else you can do at this point.

February 1, 2016

Well I talked to the police and they want me to come in and bring everything I have from her. Even though she hasn't threatened me, harrassment is against the law and the guy I talked to said that even if I don't file anything today I need to document history in case I decide to in the future.

So I'm not out of things to do yet

February 1, 2016

I would contact social services to say I was worried about the kids because of her unstable behaviour. At least here in the UK people get worried when they think the state is looking into their behaviour as parents.

February 1, 2016

People take a passive attitude towards stalkers in the beginning because they are embarrassed or ashamed that the stalker is coming after them, which you are doing (even though another person is being stalked, you are just with the person who is being stalked). You need to start documenting the interactions : drive bys at your house, things sent to the house, phone calls, emails, etc. Your bf should do the same, as well as change all your contact information (phone numbers, email address, screennames, etc.). If they send gifts, don't accept any packages delivered to your work or home addresses. And if it's really bad, then you have to move. It's not right, but if your safety is truly at risk you have to move, inform the police of your move and then they will see you and your things off to your new address safely.

Should you encounter your stalker face to face from now on, some will react with one of two reactions : anger or reason. Say you (or your bf) sees the person in public and they try to talk to either of you. One reaction is try to use reason language, saying something like "I really don't like all these phone calls", "I have a new gf/bf now and I'd rather spend time with them", etc. The other could be anger or violence towards the other. Either of these reactions are natural, but remember that a stalker will not see or hear either of them. They will take reason language and twist it saying "He/she doesn't want to see me now but they will once that new bf/gf is out of the picture." If you react with violence they will misinterpret that as passion that you have for them. Stalkers will find reason and motive to do anything to get to that person, because the part of their brain that is working is not love but hate. They may say to others and the victim that they want to be friends or they are looking out for their welfare, but they are actually saying to the victim by their actions is "You WILL acknowledge me."

As for calling the police? Should you call the police they MIGHT get the message when the police show up and muscle in. Some, however, will not respond to traditional police persuasion to not do something. That's when you have a problem. A restraining order is a good thing, but that stalker can always violate it somehow. You can keep calling the police, to be sure, and eventually the stalker will move onto something else. You can only hope that they will get the message sooner or later. The most important thing you can do at this point is one of two things:

1) Say NO - Say no to them once, and only once, then walk away. No phone calls, meetings, etc. You have made your point clear and that's all you need to do, both legally and personally.

2) Let others know - Since a lot of victims feel alone or embarrassed that someone is bothering them, many try to keep these things to themselves. Inform all friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, etc. that someone is bothering you and may show up without your permission. That way if they see the person around your home or work they can document it.

February 1, 2016

Basically she's still around because when she gets crazy you guys entertain her with a response if you NEVER responded ever in any way or form she would tire out.

February 2, 2016

Oh. My. God. I just got back from my lunch break and the hr lady came up to me... this girl came to my work yesterday and filled out an application. I work at a small company and most of my close coworkers including hr lady know about this girl and her name from the stories I've told them. She said "Isn't this the name of that girl you were just talking about?" It's a very unique name, so there's no question. My office is by my house, again opposite side of town and about a 30 min drive from where she lives.

.

What is your bf saying about all of this?

Sign In

My bfs crazy ex

Recommended Posts

meowmix9

Redhead14

stillafool

CarrieT

meowmix9

turnera

LostOnes05

266696687

meowmix9

amaysngrace

Satu

meowmix9

CarrieT

meowmix9

smackie9

meowmix9

Emilia

mortensorchid

Omei

stillafool

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...